The Top

I usually do keep a positive attitude because a negative one is just gonna bring you down. But this is the first time I've ever broken anything and I now have to use a shower chair because my parents and neurologist think it's too dangerous for me to stand. Also, someone needs to be in the bathroom so we can talk and make sure I'm not seizing

By little nokken - 19/05/2018 19:00 - United States

Today, I was out driving with my dad when the car broke down. He made me get out and push. I am a 5 ft tall 90 lb girl, and the car was an SUV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 850

You deserved it 508

Jedi mind trick

By Anonymous - 12/04/2018 19:00

Today, while covering lunch for the self-checkout host, I noticed a customer walking away. I smiled and said, "Have a nice night!" A few minutes later, I saw that she'd left without paying on her machine. I'd smiled and waved at a lady as she stole from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 849

You deserved it 829

By GeesLouisee - 01/05/2018 15:00

Today, at 32 weeks pregnant, I found my boyfriend passed out face down in his own vomit. Not only does our freshly-painted game room now smell like a dirty bar, but he also let our 2 strictly indoor cats outside. They have yet to return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 848

You deserved it 544

By Sally - 01/11/2018 03:00 - United States

Today, I went over to the house of a guy I have hooked up with a few times. After we got done, I asked him why we were not in the room across the hall. He said that was his twin brother's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 845

You deserved it 1 334

By Good morning to you all - 20/06/2018 20:30

Today, since my dad decided he's tired of not being completely comfortable in his own home, he now wears only a knee-length robe without underwear so he can "really enjoy the breeze". I've seen more balls in a few days than a pro baseball player does his entire career. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 844

You deserved it 424

By Anonymous - 16/08/2018 23:37

Today, I had a CT scan done after hitting my head, for fear of a concussion. Good news: no concussion. Bad news: the tumor they "accidentally" found. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 843

You deserved it 238

Go Team!

By Gayer men’s team - 02/11/2017 04:00

Today, I was sexting my girlfriend when I accidentally sent one to my swim team’s group chat. This means that 19 men got a picture of me flexing with everything on display. Worst part? I got more compliments from them than I ever got from my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 843

You deserved it 1 424

How's it going?

By initforthewrongreasons - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I texted my exes, not because I missed them, but because I wanted to know how their pets were doing. This holds true for at least four relationships. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 843

You deserved it 1 516

Doggy bag

By DumbFish - 05/04/2017 22:00

Today, I got up the courage to go to a nice place for lunch alone. I wasn't expecting the Tilapia I ordered to be the whole fish, so I asked the waiter for a box because, "I forgot about an appointment in 20 minutes," just so he wouldn't think I was an idiot who didn't know what I was ordering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 843

You deserved it 1 026

Irony

By DeepCleanAcne - 02/09/2017 20:00

Today, I found out that my intense acne is actually an allergic reaction to the "deep clean" product I've been using to reduce it. I've been using this product for the past ten years. Ten years of suffering through "acne" could have been easily avoided. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 842

You deserved it 1 187

By Hunter Ferguson - 31/07/2018 19:00 - United States - Fort Washington

Today, I got grounded for 2 weeks for slapping my brother after he threw a baseball at my head and hit my shin with a bat. He’s in 9th grade and I'm in 8th. He got ice cream to "cheer him up". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 842

You deserved it 259

Family coincidence

By Anonymous - 06/11/2019 02:30

Today with a DNA test, I found out that my husband is my half brother. 30 years ago his father made a donation to the sperm bank my mother used, and I’m the result. To make matters worse, I’m pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 841

You deserved it 217

It's real, I'm telling you!

By Tenniemo - 20/06/2018 15:00 - United States

Today, while packing up my classroom, I had a sudden stinging pain in my finger. Since I live in Arizona, my first thought was a black widow or scorpion, but the ER doctor didn't believe me and said it's nothing. Tell that to my tingling swollen arm. It’s been 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 839

You deserved it 233

Love Hurts

By Anonymous - 30/08/2017 04:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that one of my friends is in love with me. How did I find out? A punch to the face from the boy she's supposed to be in a relationship with, for "coaxing her away" from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 839

You deserved it 251

Mamma Mia!

By time to move out... mom! - 31/07/2018 20:30 - Philippines - Para?aque

Today, an informal lender came, greeting me a good morning with an "I'm here to take that car in your garage." Appalled, I demanded an explanation. Apparently, Mom took a rather substantial loan from him 3 months ago, paid him ziltch, and declared the car as collateral. It's my wife's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 838

You deserved it 254

Gross!

By mybfpeedonme - 30/09/2017 16:00

Today, a bug crawled inside my ear. In a panic, I called my boyfriend to come over and help me. His mother told him to put pee in my ear to kill the bug so it would just fall out. I ended up in the hospital because the pee made the bug want to claw its way out through my eardrum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 836

You deserved it 1 631

By bad_luck_chuck - 04/12/2017 15:00

Today, I got a Samsung Galaxy and opened the box to see a cracked screen. I showed the clerk and she said I must have dropped it. I hadn't moved since she handed me the box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 835

You deserved it 217

By Excalibur - 23/04/2017 21:00 - France

Today, I held a family reunion at my house. I bought a present for my nephew and to mix things up, I hid it in the house. We let him search around, amused, when he suddenly emerged shouting “Auntie has a sword!” He had opened the drawer on my nightstand and pulled out my vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 835

You deserved it 1 934

MILs gonna MIL...

By newestallen - 09/08/2018 23:30

Today, I married the love of my life, which was meant to stay secret until we can afford a ceremony. I opened Facebook to see that my hubby’s mom made a post about it, called me her new daughter-in-law, and tagged me. All 3 things we specifically asked her not to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 834

You deserved it 491

By Anonymous - 27/04/2018 20:30

Today, my child's kindergarten teacher told me that my child said, "My mom drinks wine and lays down." I don't drink alcohol, although at times I drink juice in a wine glass. I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm an alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 833

You deserved it 657

Gimme the Vicodin

By Anonymous - 10/10/2018 17:30

Today, my mother-in-law flushed my pain medicine because she believes I’ve been using it too long and I’m addicted. I had surgery four days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 833

You deserved it 164

By devil neighbours - 11/04/2017 16:00 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I'm living in a house share with a passive-aggressive middle-aged couple who leave rude notes around the house and yet pretend I don't exist when they happen to be in the same room as me. I'm in no position to get rid of them or move myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 832

You deserved it 344

By Anonymous - 03/10/2017 22:02 - Canada - Jansen

Today, I learned I have a slight allergy to wasps when I cut down a dead tree they made a home out of. Half my face now looks like I'm wearing a fat suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 832

You deserved it 375

By Anonymous - 06/03/2019 12:00

Today, I went to the location of me and my wife’s first date, because I miss her, and barely get to see her because of our work schedules… Only to see her there on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 832

You deserved it 210

Christmas Chaos

By shaggyberaddy - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I spent 15 minutes trying to get my cat out of our seven-foot Christmas tree. Once he was done, he tore about the house and broke the nativity scene, beheading baby Jesus and a wise man in the process. The tree is fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 830

You deserved it 1 063

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous My ex Birthday Awkward Mother in law Relatable Money Transportation Cars Health Sports Weird Family Kids Mental health Work Onlyfans Drunk Embarrassing Neighbours Spooky Annoying Noise Animals Insects Delivery Cats Roommate Clothes Job interview

The Top

Today, at a school function for my eldest son, my youngest child silently passed gas. A group of women I had hoped to befriend were sitting next to me, and then left with looks of disgust on their faces. I guess I don't need friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 253

You deserved it 1 842

Today, it was my first day working as a dental assistant, leaving me in charge of all cleaning. The first patient was so scared, he peed his pants. Which might have been understandable if he hadn't been a fully grown man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 511

You deserved it 2 478

Today, I fractured my finger setting up a rat trap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 855

You deserved it 13 619

Today, I was home alone and I started to sing Halo by Beyonce. I was starting to get into it and began singing with more passion until the phone rang. It was my neighbor begging me to please shut the hell up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 420

You deserved it 42 874

Today, I found out that the man I called grandpa for 40 years is really my dad. My drunk aunt spilled the beans. Her exact words were, "My dad is a better dad to you than he EVER was to me! You never wondered why he treated you better than his other grandchildren? You're his son!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 184

You deserved it 98

Today, it’s Easter Sunday. I have a countdown timer on my phone for when I can retire. I checked it : only 666 days left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 767

You deserved it 233