Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was in the mood for morning sex, but my wife told me to go wank it off in the bathroom. Three minutes later I was mid-wank when she started banging on the door because I was taking too long, and she needed to pee. FML
Today, my girl came home and said, "I'm gonna jump in the shower, I'm horny as fuck." Naturally, I assumed that was an invitation, so I lit some candles quickly and hopped on the bed, waiting for her. She got out, looked at me funny and said, "The fuck are you doing? I want to masturbate. Get out." FML
Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML
Today, I was dead tired and just wanted sleep, so I jumped into bed the second the day's chores were done. Of fucking course, this was the day my fiancée decided to end our eight-week dry spell and came in wearing sexy lingerie. I couldn't stay hard due to exhaustion, and now she's been crying. FML
Today, I got home and I was feeling horny so I leapt on my boyfriend, except he had just got home from a 16-hour day and was too tired. After his nap, he was horny but by that time I was way too tired and no longer horny. This is ridiculous, we can’t even get laid even though we live together. FML
Today, I came home from working twelve hours straight. Feeling rather frisky, I attempted to seduce my wife upon arriving home. She said that sleep was better than sex and went directly to bed. It was only 6:30 PM. FML
Today my wife told me she really wanted to have sex, and to wait in bed while she got ready. Turns out get ready means do the dishes, feed the dogs, clean the cat's litter tray, phone her sister, make coffee, shower, and wait for the dryer to dry her pyjamas. By the time she got in bed, I'd fallen asleep. FML
Today, I began to undress my wife, who was watching TV, and gave her a massage to relax her while she watched her soap. 20 minutes later, when the programme came to an end, she said "I wish you'd let me watch TV in peace!". FML
Today, my boyfriend said he was too tired to have sex with me because he'd spent the whole day jerking off. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I haven't had sex for a long time, so when she got out of the shower I was ready on our bed to finally do it. Her response? "Really? Now? I just got out of the shower." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
abes22 0
should have asked her to come help you..
jasminea 0
show her how tired she really is (;
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (261)
abes22 0
should have asked her to come help you..
Iamnotmyself 17
-1 With her mouth, preferabley.
iamyourmum 1
Dude wtf? Girlfriends are not 24/7 in sex mood and you can't expect them to bed you whenever you want them to.
StoryOfTheYear 15
7- I prefer feet, actually
Iamnotmyself 17
-19 I don't know about that, but I know for sure Boners prefers hairy armpit.
genesisnirvana 11
9-if she's been at home all day just laying around, then she has to have some energy somewhere.you are somewhat right though
unfortunate_13 5
you just ask it like that? maybe you could start by getting her in the mood, the rest will follow.
DropDead77 11
World doesn't revolve around you OP..
deadroad 5
He should of asked her to suck it.
stro88 6
That's why you don't ask. As the marines say seize the day.
EnEl_Infierno 15
Still drunk n trolling lol n op u should of told her bit*h what do think i keep u around for, Jk. I'm bored, But I agree, op your life sucks.
alliewillie 22
Wahhh, my girlfriend wouldnt have sex with me when I wanted. My life is truly f*cked.
je_suis_fml 11
52- yes cause 'rape' is such a great idea, asshole.
ILoveEmoes 9
45 - THANK you!
shannonreneee 11
Do some of her favorite foreplay and she'll be putty in your hands.
RaiEllati 2
lol neither are guys, but if I see my gf tired/horny after a long day then I enjoy making her feel relaxed/happy. she dint have to have sex but she coulda tried a little harder then that >_
mitri_fml 3
Pussy is good.Pussy is great.But there is always the option.To **********.
IndiRae 9
Just give her a good rape! I don't think it counts when they're your girlfriend. Or at least it shouldn't... Well that was the most ****** up thing to have ever crawled out of my mouth.
Brittaneyyy 0
honestly some of the responses to this fml are ridiculous she sat on her ass all day and stop assuming guys only want sex 24/7 he asked her nicely since it's something couples typically do and no girls turn lesbian because either their all about womens rights and super dikes or like some of my friends they just prefer more ****** because they don't have enough of their own. men have needs and so do women if she needs something I bet he'd do it for her
iluvboobies 9
Maybe she also ordered some pizza when you weren't home, OP? If you know what I mean. Bow-chika-wow-wow!
Ashelizabethh 8
154 is completely right. seriously he had a hard day came home tired? she lied around all day? that doesn't seem right. and in no way shape or form did he seem like he was being rude when he asked her to make love.
adropofpeace 8
See the problem here is you asked. You're supposed to do like you do with parents: just tell her what's going down and she won't remember she even had the option to say no.
carmy25 0
Actually the fact that she was tired "if" she was watching tv all day is explainable. Electronic objects give off a low Hum that triggers tiredness or exhaustion after long periods of contact. However that being explained all one has to do is remove themselves from the the area in order to feel more awake (Aka OP get her off the couch and start playing with her, promise that it will wrk :) ) but all in all she should have bein more open to helping u out.
jenni1234 0
Hell yeah my bf can be sooo annoying!!
ChassyRose 1
I like that someone finally said that guys: at least the ones I know- don't realize that the best way to get a girl to do that is to SHOW her you wanna make love (and no- i don't mean just whip out your dick and say "here") Maybe its just me- but being straight up asked is just a turn off =/
DoggyDoggWorld 0
Damn, that's sucks. Sorry bro, it happens.
WOGBRO 6
Thumbs up if you read the comments more than the FML's
eminemchick 19
well, he wishes it sucked
CHAMiLLiTARY_fml 2
Fleshlight ftw!
jasminea 0
show her how tired she really is (;
Ldesu 0
When you do get an opportunity, **** her harder to teach her a lesson.
jagrad 0
Worst fml I've ever seen...
DoggyDoggWorld 0
Worst comment I've seen...
Iamnotmyself 17
Worst case of idiocy I've ever seen.
imustbeinsane 2
Worst profile I've ever seen...
NomadicFlo 4
Worst jacket I've ever seen... (It says "VIAGRA")
commietaco 0
worst case of herpes I have ever seen ( guy with a really bad case of herpes)
fatraptorjesus13 9
c-c-c-combo breaker
unfortunate_13 5
worst combo breaker i've ever seen (really bad combo breaker)
commietaco 0
wait...this might be the only fml he has ever seen. he only has 1 comment
wishfulmidget 0
which also happens to be the worst comment...ive ever seen
EvilPotato 15
worst haircut I ever seen (because ya know his hair is all stuff...)
Jays7 10
worst name I've ever seen. (Sorry buddy, had to keep it going)
number0 8
Worst attempt to keep it going I've seen.
lalagurl11 6
Ya some people post stupid ones and they get approved
EmilyJoSmyth 4
Worst smile I've ever seen.
IndiRae 9
Worst ghost I've ever seen (it's not very intimidating)
Iamnotmyself 17
Worst piece if shit I've ever had the pleasure of reading.
rainbo955 0
worst chain of comments I've ever seen.
Soloman212 28
/thread
DKParth13 5
I like turtles!!
Spoonz 4
that made me lol so hard!!
ichikibobivopula 0
Worst turtles I've ever seen
baseball6917 8
worst president I've ever seen
baseball6917 8
worst president I've ever seen
codyfranta 0
Worst president I've never seen.
Lanceeden 12
FART
Roze1123 2
Well... Shes useful .__.
Yodaevil 4
I know! Really? Why do you have her around? Sits on ass all day, does nothing AND doesn't put out?!? To the curb hornyman! And kick her there quick!
ChassyRose 1
You two are horrible.... a woman does NOT need to do that to show she's "worth" it.
asherah14 7
137- I love your profile pic!
ColdplaySucks 18
239, the woman should also spend her time doing something productive.
brianna1494 27
Ever thought she's just having a day off and doesn't need to do anything?
nonelikeworms 0
lol, grab a quick wank
elmousey 5
I know. Frank needs to tell his girl they're in California, not UK.
agoth 0
they could be English people living in the uk
agoth 0
i mean California lol
josebeto1 6
Nothing anybody can really say here. FYL OP.
AliceIsCurious 6
She's probably tired from doing herself all day. Understandable. I do the same.
tj4234 36
she's probably tired from doing the postman all day.
stuart169 3
Lol
RedPillSucks 33
The postman only cums once.
Jesus_Christ69 0
Hah! I see what you did there xD
ThreeSheetsGone 12
Then there's the milkman, the UPS driver, FedEx guy, a/c repairman, the plumber, and the guy who cuts the grass. If I was slangin' ass like that, I'd be tired too.
nanxi 30
I lol'd.
Marillier 5
lol Take matters into your own hands...
hypuuurness 6
Lmfao
elmogoezRAWR 0
*ba dum tss*
light_up_the_sky 0
Literally