Today, at 32 weeks pregnant, I found my boyfriend passed out face down in his own vomit. Not only does our freshly-painted game room now smell like a dirty bar, but he also let our 2 strictly indoor cats outside. They have yet to return. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I am 3 months pregnant. While lying on the couch with morning sickness, my boyfriend farted loudly and filled the room with a smell so horrifying that I immediately threw up all over my coffee table. He spent the next 20 minutes texting his friends about this "epic" moment. FML
Today, I turned over in my sleep and fell out of bed, face-first into a puddle of cold cat vomit that my cat had left for me. FML
Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML
Today, I had to clean my boyfriend's puke off of our bed. Last night he ditched me to go out partying, came home, threw up, and passed out. He thinks it's only fair I clean up today because he's "not feeling well". FML
Today, I came home to find that my pregnant cat had given birth to a stillborn kitten in practically every room of the house. She had then rubbed her butt around the house, leaving bloody stains everywhere. When I tried to clean the white carpet, the bleach turned it green. FML
Today, I had an upset stomach. I lay down in bed with a bucket nearby just in case. Later on, the urge to vomit overcame me, and I puked into the bucket. I realised too late that my cat had chosen to sleep in it. He jumped out and spread vomit all over my apartment. FML
Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after I'd undressed and then threw up all over the rug. FML
Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML
Today, my boyfriend got so drunk that he was sick in the taxi, sick on me, then sick on himself when he was sitting on the toilet. What's more, I can't get into bed because he's been sick all over my half of the bed. So I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight. FML
Today, at work I got an urgent message from my boyfriend that there was an emergency and I should come home immediately. I took my last personal day of the month and drove the half-hour home. The emergency? The cat had vomited on the comforter. FML
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Top comments
Aiden Vetter 14
Well, he seems like he'll be a good dad
shelbimaree 5
Leave the kitty litter outside for a few days (don’t change it) they are able to smell it from ages away, worked with my friends inside cat when it got lost for 4 days ☺️ hopefully they come back!
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Comments (26)
Dave_Davington 34
That is quite the catastrophe. You must be absolutely spewing.
Aiden Vetter 14
Well, he seems like he'll be a good dad
Glowworm56 27
I hope he doesn't let the baby outside like the cats once the child is born.
WeirdUS 30
Sorry to hear that. I hope your cat's come back. As for your bf, I'd seriously recondiser the relationship if he's getting that drunk. That's not hvaving some drinks and getting silly.
SneezyBear 27
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
This is one of the risks with strictly indoor cats... if you ever accidentally let one out they can get horribly lost and not come back. Don't make your cats strictly indoor unless you live in an apartment or something and don't have a yard. Or if you live in a busy city street. Hope you manage to find them, OP. Although they may enjoy their taste of freedom so much they'll refuse to remain as indoor cats!
pjsr 33
Wow, what a good choice as the father of your child! If he broke up with you to go back to his cheating ex, it would probably be for the best.
RichardPencil 32
Maybe you could hook him up with his cheating ex and he’ll ditch you for her. You’re going to have one baby to raise, you don’t need two!
Nadine 21
Damn, you're like an hour later than PJSR. Stay tuned for the Meta Comment this week, folks!
shelbimaree 5
Leave the kitty litter outside for a few days (don’t change it) they are able to smell it from ages away, worked with my friends inside cat when it got lost for 4 days ☺️ hopefully they come back!
Diggory Turner 14
It sucks that it sounds like he's not taking responsibility of anything, I hope he gets better and the cats come back. Side note, I prefer to say 224 days as opposed to 32 weeks or even (god forbid) 8 months, but that's just me.
RudyH621 25
8 months. You’re 8 months pregnant. I bet you’re the type of person who says “my kid is 24 months old” instead of saying “2 years.”
anyoldnamewilldo 23
Even obstetricians go by weeks instead of months. Since it is clear you have never been pregnant, may you should sit this one out.
TheFireEternal 26
Considering you're technically pregnant for 10 months, it's easier to say it in weeks. Also, just because you say your gestation time in weeks, doesn't mean you'll be doing that annoying "my kid is 24 months" thing. Coming from a 39 weeks pregnant lady 😜 Oh, and pregnancy trackers do it weekly as well to give you updates on your growing baby!
Rabite 28
I bet you're the type of person who has no idea what he is talking about but still spews his opinion everywhere. Oh, I won! YAY
Steph Mason 7
Well actually whilst pregnant a babies gestational age is monitored in weeks because it is more accurate to track their developments weekly compared to monthly. But since you have a uterus, and clearly know more about the female reproductive system then an actual pregnant female, go off I guess 🤷🏼♀️