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The all-time greatest FMLs

By justafriend - 28/05/2017 00:00

Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 284

You deserved it 391

By Misspoopypants - 25/07/2017 05:00

Today, I spent the first two hours of my shift cleaning up liquid poo after an elderly lady sat in one of our chairs and promptly let go of her bowels. I was so embarrassed for her that I even bought her a towel, underwear, and a pair of pants. She then thanked one of my coworkers for all the help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 282

You deserved it 367

Customers from hell

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, my boss told me to check out the situation in the restroom. Someone had crapped themselves, rolled their underwear into a ball, and had the audacity to write that they were sorry in sharpie on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 280

You deserved it 379

The Intruder

By sad_unicorn - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - Australia - Yagoona

Spicy

Today, I have to close my bedroom door with a bucket because I don't have a door latch thanks to previous owners. When my partner and I were going at it, we had to stop because the cat kept reaching around the door, trying to attack the bucket and destroying the mood. Cat 1 - Humans 0. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 279

You deserved it 1 204

By xoxoblondee - 25/02/2017 16:00 - United States - Valley Village

Today, I learned the hard way why no matter how constipated you are, it is never a good idea to use a suppository when you are tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 276

You deserved it 1 179

By Fuck's sake! - 25/04/2016 01:34 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, it turned out the twit I've been overcharging for drinks in my bar for wearing shades indoors is actually blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 274

You deserved it 27 420

Cats 4 life

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I came home to yet another kitten. My girlfriend swore to me this would never happen again. When I reminded her of her promise, she told me the kitten will be staying, and she wants me to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 272

You deserved it 1 274

Throw the book at him

By Jen - 30/04/2019 20:00

Today, I got fired from my job at a library for hitting an old man with a book. In my defence, I had asked him about a massive water stain on a book he'd returned. He told me it was his cum, wanted to know if it excited me and then tried to touch my boobs. Dirty old pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 271

You deserved it 285

By Anonymous - 11/07/2017 21:40 - United States - Higginsville

Today, I was feeling down and decided to eat one of my roommate's chocolate Pop-Tarts to cheer myself up. I took a big bite and thought it tasted "off". It was full of live maggots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 268

You deserved it 2 674

By Jason - 14/02/2018 15:00

Today, I bought my crush a bouquet of roses plus one fake. The line was going to be, "I'll stop loving you when the last rose dies." I told my best friend and he thought it was such an amazing idea that he stole the fake rose and gave it to her himself. Guess who got the girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 267

You deserved it 675

Not going, going back, back to Cali, Cali

By WhatisLife - 27/07/2017 05:00 - Bangladesh - Dhaka

Today, I found out I will not be moving back to California. My mom told me we were going to go on a 2 month vacation to see family in India. She decided we are staying for good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 265

You deserved it 301

By Anonymous - 18/05/2018 20:30

Today, on the train, a man kept grabbing my crotch. When I told him to stop, I got yelled at for harassing an elderly man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 265

You deserved it 312

By Candy girl - 20/08/2017 01:30 - Denmark

Today, while waiting in line at the supermarket, a mother told me to be considerate and not buy the candy I was paying for, because it made her screaming toddler jealous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 264

You deserved it 245

Waste of time

By I'mmessedup - 29/09/2021 22:59

Spicy

Today, after weeks of every excuse not to, my wife wanted sex. It was amazing, and she had at least 3 orgasms. Instead of cuddling afterwards, she got up like someone kicked her and started bitching about all the things she could have been doing, as she got dressed and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 264

You deserved it 559

Anti-Dad

By Mr. Unlucky - 28/05/2018 01:30 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, after suffering a severe brain injury and receiving a large amount of money from the lawsuit for physical and mental rehab, I found out that my dad stole it all and spent it on himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 264

You deserved it 253

By parent - 08/03/2018 01:30

Today, I found out that my son has been telling me he's gay so we would allow the "female friend" who is actually his girlfriend to stay over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 263

You deserved it 2 855

By Crypticbeerbelly - 11/01/2017 14:44

Today, I was reading a recipe list on my tablet. I moved a little, and one of my fat rolls came into contact with a button which closed the tab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 263

You deserved it 3 802

By single - 15/12/2017 19:00 - United States - San Jose

Today, my girlfriend got paid by the richest guy in our school to go to the Winter Formal with him. She took up the offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 260

You deserved it 513

Under new management

By NotAThief - 17/07/2017 20:00

Today, I got a talking-to at work from my new manager for eating other peoples' lunches. Immediately afterwards, I watched my manager leave the room, take MY lunch, and begin eating it. Apparently my new manager is the thief, and I'm now the office pariah who gets the blame. Nobody believes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 258

You deserved it 323

Stop going on about it

By Msrebound - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, even my 11-year-old noticed how much my boyfriend constantly reminisces about his ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 256

You deserved it 694

By InnocenceBlue - 13/10/2018 18:50

Today, a creepy-looking guy asked me if I "like bananas" and I said no. He then followed with "Do you want to taste my banana?" Shocked by his boldness, I froze. My boyfriend, who had heard the entire exchange, just laughed and walked off, leaving me with the creeper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 256

You deserved it 524

InnocenceBlue tells us more.

InnocenceBlue 37

Thursday 11 October 2018 3:12

Hi guys, OP here. I am no longer with this guy, for many reasons but this was a huge one. Not the first time something like this has happened. To answer any queries, I have anxiety, mainly towards surprises/shocks and this was one hell of a surprise. My ex knew I have "issues" and disappeared into the crowd (this was at a nightclub) knowing I wasn't following. Thanks for the funny replies and support :)

By Druu - 22/06/2017 11:36

Today, my mother won two tickets in the Hamilton ticket lottery. My siblings joked that we would finally find out who the favorite child is. Who ended up going to the show? My two sisters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 254

You deserved it 448

Thanks?

By Anonymous - 23/12/2017 06:00

Today, I went out with a guy who, about 20 minutes into our dinner, said, "Wow, you don't sweat much for a fat chick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 252

You deserved it 587

By ... - 20/04/2017 21:00 - France

Spicy

Today, I can confirm that at 85 and 87 years old, it is indeed possible to have a sex life. Grandpa, grandma, thank you for having dispelled my doubt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 247

You deserved it 610

By best breast - 06/04/2018 00:00

Today, my husband and I hosted Easter dinner. Since I was in my own home, I breastfed without a cover. My sister-in-law stormed out in a rage, screaming that I was being obscene, and equated it to shooting heroin in front of her kids. Happy Easter indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 245

You deserved it 692

Boom boom

By Anonymous - 19/02/2017 00:00 - United States - Pasadena

Today, after having to call in a noise complaint about my downstairs neighbors talking loud past midnight, the managers fixed the problem. Now all I can hear is two little girls who like to throw a basketball at the building for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 245

You deserved it 958

By Anonymous - 12/05/2017 14:39 - United States - Roseville

Today, it was the first time I met my girlfriend's parents. It was also the day that I accidentally ripped their shed's door off its hinges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 243

You deserved it 594

kujiens101 tells us more.

kujiens101 24

Sunday 7 May 2017 7:56

To give a back story, her parents were renting a house for over a year and there was this super sketch shed was in their backyard. They had all been too scared to mess with it because they didn't want to get hurt. My girlfriend always wanted to go inside but didn't have the strength to open the door. So, after I pulled a bit too hard, I ripped the door off. I told her to go tell her parents, so we could fix it. She said to just put the door back where it was and act like nothing happened.

Drained

By Anonymous - 10/02/2017 14:00 - United States - Washington

Today, while using the restroom at my favorite cafe, I fell asleep for 30 minutes. There is nothing more jarring than waking up to the banging of 7 angry, urine-filled patrons viciously breaking down the only barrier between between you and your shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 242

You deserved it 2 519

By Anonymous - 09/08/2017 13:00

Spicy

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted him to be a little more masculine and dominant in the bedroom. He broke up with me because I'm not "feminist enough". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 239

You deserved it 1 390

"Nice guy"

By missseloit3 - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I met a nice guy who wanted to chat. I didn't want to be the bitchy type and throw him the "I have a boyfriend" line right away, so I conversed with him. When he asked was I single I, of course, said no. He yelled at me and made a huge scene about me leading him on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 239

You deserved it 978

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Today, my mom told me that when my sister and I were born, the first thing my dad said was, "I hope they don't turn out vegetarian." I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 561

You deserved it 10 194

Today, I was able to land a nice apartment solely based on the fact that my puppy is potty trained. During the required pet interview, my dog 'got sick' and defecated all over the apartment office. I now have to clean the mess knowing that I will not be allowed to live there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 535

You deserved it 4 304

Today, it's my Nana's birthday and to say she is having a good time is an understatement. She's so drunk, she took out her false teeth tried to put them in her dog's mouth. When she failed, she tried the cat's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 193

You deserved it 4 219

Today, I was arguing with one of my professors. She said that all married couples fight and I told her that my parents have never argued or fought about anything. When I got home my parents told me that they're getting a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 030

You deserved it 13 488

Today, my husband announced the reason he had been working since much is because he had secretly paid off my tens of thousands of student loans. I then had to tell him I'm leaving him for his best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 156

You deserved it 2 617

Today, it took me two hours to put all the kids to bed, so all I wanted to do was watch TV but my husband, who'd spent all that time asleep on the sofa, started pestering me for sex like he thought he deserved it after I'd asked him for help 3 times before just doing all the work myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 616

You deserved it 193