Today, my 17-year-old daughter has been sending and receiving videos and pictures of a sexual nature. I just had to wade through a ton of middle-aged dick pics as evidence for the police. FML
Today, I got yelled at multiple times by my boss because my boyfriend didn't show up to work. FML
Today, I met my new boyfriend’s family for the first time. Unfortunately for me, his dad walked in to ask what we wanted for dinner while we were having sex. Even worse was that my boyfriend kept going while his dad was there, and his dad later said he was glad I was “the woman”. FML
Today, my boyfriends mom walked in on us having sex. She is partially blind so she couldn’t tell what was going on. She had a full conversation while he was still inside me. FML
Today, I got married. My dad wanted to see me before the ceremony in my dress. The dress I wore was not my usual kind of dress, strapless. The first thing my dad said, "Ginger! You've got boobs!" Not exactly the father-daughter moment I'd envisioned. FML
Today, I placed $20 in a slot machine at a casino and in a matter of 5 minutes lost it all. My sister then sat at the same machine, put her $20 in and quadrupled her money. FML
Today, I was giving my one-year-old a bath. I'd finished washing her, so she started to play and splash. When I went to lift her out of the tub, I slipped and busted my kneecaps on the side. Guess who sat there and laughed hysterically as I cried out in agony. FML
Today, while I was at work, my kids had the great idea to make chocolate milk. My husband had the great idea not to clean up the chocolate mix the kids spilled, so the floor got covered in chocolate footprints. The cat then had the great idea to step in the mix, and cover everything else in chocolate paw prints. FML
Today, I came home to find my brother making out with my girlfriend while taking a selfie. FML
Today, I stumbled across my school bully on Facebook. She's a successful business owner and engaged to be married. I can't land a job and am hopelessly single. The b***h that served as the catalyst for my depression and suffered no repercussions is getting married on my birthday. FML
Today, my mother warned me that if I ever have anal sex I will die. I'm 28. FML
Today, after working at my summer job for 3 weeks, I was informed that I was too young to work there. I had contacted them 3 months prior and had given them my birthdate multiple times. I had also attended a special training in their corporate HQ, which I drove 7 hours both ways to get to. FML
Today, I received a letter from my apartment complex saying I have an unauthorized tenant living with me. I must provide proof they don't live with me in the next 72 hours or I get kicked out. Nobody lives with me, and I don't know how to prove it. FML
Today, I was getting ready to meet my boyfriend. We haven't seen each other in a month so I decided to shave my body hair, even though I have really sensitive skin and usually end up getting rashes after a few days. His flight got cancelled and he won't be back for another two days. FML
Today, I found out that my neighbor's son is supposed to be giving me gas money for driving him to school each morning. He's using it to buy drugs instead. FML
Today, my mother was transferred from the hospital to a long-term care facility. Nobody I talk to at the hospital knows what facility they sent her to. FML
Today, I came home to find my entire action figure collection was gone. My parents told me I am too old for toys, so they opened all of the packages and donated them to Goodwill. I had an original Boba Fett, and my entire collection was worth more than twenty thousand dollars. FML
Today, as two of my students walked into my classroom, I said, "Hi, ladies". One of them screamed at me: "Did you just assume my gender?!" FML
Today, my boyfriend forgot to pick me up from work. We work at the same place. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's to find out why I was producing small amounts of milky liquid from my nipples, even though I'm not pregnant. When she asked me to show her, I squirted on her shirt. FML
Today I found out my university incorrectly calculated my GPA. The threshold for the Ph.D. scholarship was 2.69, and I had a 2.68, so I did not get the scholarship. My new GPA is 3.34. FML
Today, a man came into the library where I work with a bag. He told me the bag was full of bugs he found in and around his toilet, and demanded that I help identify them. He then added, "They might be parasites. They're all over the bathroom, but I got the toilet ones here." FML
coffeecoffeecoffee tells us more.
Hi! OP here! These comments are really making me laugh! Thank you! I told the man he couldn't have the bugs in the building, which resulted in him yelling at me saying I was "no help". He didn't want a real "bug professional" to look at them, because it would cost too much money. I ended up getting my manager, who (thankfully) made the man (and his "pets") leave the building. You could say I was bugging out over the whole thing. Ugh.
Today, after spending over a year getting clean and sober, I started feeling horrible withdrawal symptoms and couldn't understand why. It turns out my wife had been dosing my food with Adderall "to keep me on track" and just stopped. So much for my anniversary chip. FML
Today, at the hairdresser's, I fell asleep while my hair was being washed. My barber had to shake me awake. FML
Today, a close friend tried to kill me by running me over with her car. Why? Because I didn't want to share the pain meds I had due to a third-degree burn. My leg is now broken in 3 places, my ankle is shattered, and I have to use a walker because I'm too clumsy for crutches. FML
Today my boyfriend tried to be sexy and rip off my underwear. Instead, he bit a chunk out of my hip. FML
Today, I slipped and fell on a piece of plastic. I thought nothing of it until I went to the doctor's and found out that I fractured and dislocated my kneecap. I'm now in a full leg brace and crutches. Prom is five days away. FML
Today, I received a Saturday detention because the assignment I'd handed in had different handwriting. I've been practicing my handwriting skills for the past month. FML
Today, Club Penguin finally shut down. I then got a call from one of my employees, who said that he needed to take a day off from work to, "emotionally deal with the issue." FML
Today, I'm on a residential trip for 4 days with 72 children, 5 other staff, and 72 sets of parents who want to be on the phone to me constantly. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
