Today, I was reading a recipe list on my tablet. I moved a little, and one of my fat rolls came into contact with a button which closed the tab. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while I was reading on my tablet, my dog wanted to be let outside, so I set down the tablet and let her outside. I returned to the living room to continue reading when I heard a crunch. The tablet had fallen to the floor and I'd stepped on it. FML
Today, I was taking my phone out of my pocket when it caught on the fabric and began to fall. I managed to catch it, but also smacked myself in the balls in the process. FML
Today, I was baking cookies. When I took the tray out of the oven, I closed the door, but it bounced back open and hit me in the back of the knees. That caused me to sit down on the hot oven door. I was only wearing my short bathrobe and no underwear. I really burned my ass and, um… stuff. FML
Today, I was checking my phone while using the toilet. In a distressing moment of my brain mixing up the signals to my hands, I dropped my phone into the bowl and pressed my thumb into the shitty paper to turn it off. FML
Today, I was working and eating. I was so tired that I bit into my pen and smeared my chocolate-filled pastry on my exercise book. FML
Today, I accidentally slammed a door on my own arm flab. FML
Today, as I was trying to remove my lunch from the hot oven tray, my finger brushed against the metal for a moment, and I instinctively put it in my mouth. I burnt my tongue, on my finger. I didn't realize that was possible. FML
Today, I accidentally cooked my new Apple Pencil. Being magnetic, it stuck to a baking tray that was put down on the table I’d been drawing at, and went in the oven. FML
Today, after placing it on top of the stove, my hot tray of freshly-baked cookies slipped. I caught it, though. With my bare hand. FML
Today, I was thinking about my new diet and workout plan as I was getting dressed in the morning, feeling much thinner and more energetic. Just as the thought passed through my brain, the button on my skirt popped off. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
cacheson 42
Your fat rolls clearly want you to pick different recipes.
JesusFreak227 15
Lose some weight?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (21)
JesusFreak227 15
Lose some weight?
almost_there44 26
Hopefully it was a healthy recipe list.
cacheson 42
Your fat rolls clearly want you to pick different recipes.
ber4fun 23
Your belly must have been trying to tell you something - like pick a healthier recipe.
SlugsOnDrugs 13
As someone who used to be overweight and struggled daily with things like this, I can say this is almost 100% your fault. Though there can be medical issues which make it harder to lose weight, it's all up to you how unhealthy you are. Get motivated and don't complain about your lifestyle.
Attacksloth 33
<p>Sounds like you were reading the recipe for disaster.</p>
c420racer 13
Judging by your username, the recipe didn't include adding a can of beer and the fat wasn't having that. The belly wants what the belly wants.
RichardPencil 32
Some apps have a feature called Palm Rejection to ignore accidental touches by your wrist or palm. You ought to invent Fat Roll Rejection. Wait! It's been done -- it's called Dating.
sarcasmismyno1 22
It's a sign.
dietcoke09 25
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
What the ****? I usually let your stupid comments go but this is your most idiotic comment yet.