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Amazing what you find when you're reading the random FMLs... OP here. Let me explain - at the time this was posted, I was pregnant and suffering from terrible morning sickness. Believe it or not, that worked a treat! And helped me cheer up as well... To everyone who said their partner is/was in the service, I hope they come home safe and sound. I respect both you and your partners. God bless.

By RaceCar - 12/02/2010 19:24 - United States

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday and my mom promised me she'd buy me a car. She came home with a toy lego car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 691

You deserved it 21 052

Your secret is safe on FML

By Anonymous - 01/10/2021 22:59 - Egypt

Today, it was my wedding, and I live in a country that doesn't take premarital sex lightly. My wife chose the last girl I slept with to be her main bridesmaid. She doesn't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 473

You deserved it 2 215

By blahblah1993 - 20/02/2015 17:56 - United States - Katy

Today, I'm 8 months pregnant and still waitressing at a local restaurant. There were only 3 of us serving today and things were hectic. One guy bitched me out, saying "Maybe if you lost some weight you'd walk a little faster!" because I wasn't fast enough with his soup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 172

You deserved it 2 844

Desperate Dan

By BKCK4187 - 20/12/2011 03:23 - United States

Today, I got aroused by the vanilla scent from an unused trash bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 214

You deserved it 6 919

By SummersEve - 12/02/2010 00:47 - United States

Today, I found out the crappy shampoo I've been borrowing from my girlfriend is actually "feminine wash." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 728

You deserved it 33 386

The void

By natasha - 01/07/2020 05:03

Today, my depression has hit a new low. I had to verbally motivate myself for at least an hour in order to wash two plates. I ended up giving up in the middle, and completely shutting down for six hours afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 508

You deserved it 309

By BadLuck - 27/10/2013 14:30 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I went to the doctor to see why my walking pneumonia wasn't getting any better. It had. I've just somehow managed to also contract mono... while sitting home, alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 927

You deserved it 2 810

By Eres - 11/02/2011 07:04 - United States

Today, my mom took away my medication. She's afraid I'll get "hooked". The medication is anti-anxiety pills. I have horrible anxiety attacks that sometimes cause me to scratch my arms until they bleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 218

You deserved it 4 537

No smoke, no fire

By justme - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I was about to take a dump when the smoke alarm went off. I ran out of the bathroom and tried to run downstairs. I tripped and shit on myself. The alarm had gone off cause my kid put my wallet in the toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 073

You deserved it 5 298

By misopower - 25/07/2009 18:50 - China

Today, after 9 months in our relationship, my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. We had incredible, mind-blowing sex. An hour later, he broke up with me because apparently "my orgasm face is ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 280

You deserved it 9 325

By Anonymous - 13/11/2012 23:17 - United States - Killington

Today, I found a wounded turkey in our backyard. I brought it inside, put it in a cage, and tended to its wounds. I then left. When I got back home, I smelled the wonderful aroma of my mother's cooking. She had prepared a turkey, the one I'd rescued. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 927

You deserved it 5 667

Vicious and unprovoked

By Anonymous - 12/07/2020 05:01

Today, while I was playing football with a friend, my sister wanted to join in. She was messing around with the ball at the start, then suddenly she kicked the ball through my legs, pulled my shorts down and kneed me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 572

You deserved it 225

Haircut, haircuuuuuut

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - France - Saint-brieuc

Today, apparently when you tell a hairdresser, "A little off the sides," they hear, "A bowl cut please, and make it look extra stupid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 746

You deserved it 3 707

By newlysingle - 14/12/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. I had been hiding the ring in the sock drawer. When I went to retrieve it, the ring was gone and in its place was a sticky note that said "NO." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 854

You deserved it 3 639

Could've been the One

By Courtney - 10/10/2021 16:57

Today, I received a message telling me the guy I was seeing just wasn’t feeling the “vibe”. This would be fine, if he hadn’t given me the best sex, and the only sex I’ve enjoyed, in years and years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 418

You deserved it 218

Gross

By hushnow - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had no choice but to shake the hand of a customer who, just moments before, had the aforementioned hand down the front of his pants, scratching his snowglobes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 218

You deserved it 3 813

Black Lives Matter

By jack1057 - 14/07/2020 05:01

Today, I was on my way home and there were BLM protestors, who I have no problem with, but my car was parked where they were and I had to sit there for three hours until they left so I could drive off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 600

You deserved it 328

Serious business

By Anonymous - 02/01/2023 15:00

Toda, while I was on a Zoom interview for a potential new career, one of my family members screamed, "Well that's a kick in the dick!" It was so loud, the recruiter immediately told me to have a nice day and abruptly ended the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 170

You deserved it 155

By Anonymous - 18/10/2013 16:26 - Norway - Ytre Arna

Today, my mom let me stay home from school, because I was sick. We both agreed not to tell my dad, since he's adamant that I never miss even one day of school. A few hours after my mom left for work, he came back home, with another woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 429

You deserved it 3 546

Thanks guys

By Anonymous - 22/07/2009 18:41 - United States

Today, I decided to dress up a little to go out to the bar. I put on a nice shirt, some leggings, and heels. When I walked out the door, my dad said that I looked like a whore. When I got to my boyfriend's house I told him what my dad had said and he replied, "I'd have to agree with him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 722

You deserved it 62 380

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The Top

Today, I realized that sex with my husband has gotten so boring that I'd rather fake an orgasm than let him continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 901

You deserved it 12 885

Today, I was fired for using violence and intimidation in the work place. I was a bouncer at a strip club. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 437

You deserved it 3 612

Today, after a year of coaxing, I got my boyfriend of 18 months to agree to have sex with me. He decided his first course of action was to try to shove his flaccid penis into my unlubricated vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 573

You deserved it 11 401

Today, three days before their rent was due, my fiancé's friends moved out of our basement without saying a word to us. On their way out, they took an envelope from my locked desk with $800 in it that was for our wedding in six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 316

You deserved it 320

Today, I was suspended for "selling drugs on campus". I was trying to give the school nurse approved medication for my severe epilepsy. I'm suspended for 3 weeks and have to go to a drug seminar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 459

You deserved it 300

Today, after my boyfriend broke up with me and I'd chained-smoked all night, I had a driving test. With only 3 hours of sleep, I literally drove through a red light during the test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 2 988