Today, I learned that my insecurities regarding my dick size were unfounded, as my girlfriend gushed over my dick and said it was amazing. We then got down to business, and almost immediately heard, "Ow! Fuck, that's my cervix! This hurts! Stop!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML
Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other, or so I thought. I heard her on the phone with her sister saying that I’m definitely the smallest dick she’s ever had, but the size of my bank account encourages her to overlook my shortcomings. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, I walked out halfway through a much anticipated dick appointment because it became apparent that he thought my clit was located somewhere on my upper thigh. He kept rubbing it and moaning, "Oooooh, I bet you like that, baby." No, sir, I certainly did not. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Humble-brag of the month. The month is only two minutes old.
Razath 17
This sounds like something right out of a **** scene, you should probably cut back on watching it.
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Comments (5)
RichardPencil 32
Humble-brag of the month. The month is only two minutes old.
Razath 17
This sounds like something right out of a **** scene, you should probably cut back on watching it.
JasonThorn 23
Yeah, **** lied to you. Like it does to everyone.
tiptoppc 21
Sadly, too long of a dick can be a problem. Just like penis sizes can vary, so too does a females ******. I’ve experienced this in the past. I never felt insecure nor proud of my dick, but I do know i’m in the larger percentile. My advice, if you use something like a stretchable **** ring, it lets you know where to stop so you don’t hit the cervix. I do find sometimes width can be problematic, but luckily I don’t need to worry about it now (only to my current partner/wife.) What OP has said isn’t a brag, but I definitely can tell you, it can be a problem. But technique can help limit and damage/pain done.
FluffythePink 23
Angles are your friend, my dude. One of my bfs and I had the same problem. Double the amount of foreplay and then let her find the angles that work for her. Hitting the cervix head on is like getting punched in the uterus, if you're in doggy, aim straight down at the bed, missionary, aim for her bladder etc. Once you both figure out the good angles and her Nope angles then it starts being fun. Figuring out big dick logistics is a partnership and a process. It can be a lot of fun figuring it out, you just both need to be honest and open about everything. Good luck and have fun 😊
lalalaila777 24
sufficient foreplay (mental, physical, emotional), using vibrating toys on the ******** at the same time can help