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Great day out

By Anonymous - 14/09/2013 19:32 - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, I went to the movies with my husband and our 6-year-old son. My husband kept stealing popcorn from the guy next to him, to the point where the guy punched him in the face. The movie was stopped, the police were called, and my son is now inconsolable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 155

You deserved it 5 912

By Anonymous - 11/01/2011 09:43 - United States

Today, as I'm pregnant, my mom came over to do some nice things for me, such as clean my kitchen and cook a large pot of my favorite soup. When she left, I took a nap, planning to eat later. I woke up to find my roommates had trashed my kitchen and eaten all my soup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 606

You deserved it 4 467

By Peta2nNoMore - 04/07/2009 10:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home and found a few of my faux fur coats completely butchered. On my way to interrogate my boys, the only ones home, I found our husky dog, who was recently shaved for an operation, covered in the fur that once belonged to my coat. My boys said 'he was cold'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 618

You deserved it 10 418

Redhanded

By Anonymous - 22/11/2021 23:00 - Philippines - Roxas

Today, my mom came in my bedroom without knocking, even though I'd told her to, and caught me masturbating. She stood there in awkward silence before saying, "…Dinner's ready at 6." and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 410

You deserved it 467

Carpe Diem

By Dumped - 02/12/2021 19:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out why my now ex-boyfriend abruptly dumped me out of nowhere. Turns out his friend separated from her husband, and apparently, “the opportunity is too good to pass up.” We’ve been together for 5 years, and have a kid together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 106

You deserved it 201

By G-6 - 07/01/2011 11:24

Today, I was asleep on a plane. I woke up after feeling the plane jolt and I screamed at the top of my lungs. The little girl next to me told me I was a sissy. Everyone around us laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 097

You deserved it 30 553

Slipping up

By englishfail - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was teaching a class when a student pointed out that I'd used the wrong "your/you're" while writing on the board. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 516

You deserved it 48 547

Wild allegation

By Anonymous - 30/06/2009 14:45 - United States

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend throwing my birth control box at me and shouting that I was a slut for cheating on him since we never had sex. I attempted to explain the birth control was for a condition I have that causes my period to be non-existent. He didn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 449

You deserved it 7 358

Bonjour!

By Anonymous - 18/09/2020 10:01

Today, in a job interview I confirmed I could speak French, as I lived in France for 6 years and became fluent, but I was so nervous that when my interviewer started speaking French, I froze up and the entire French language exited my brain like it was escaping a fire. I was kicked out for lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 499

You deserved it 295

By Ajwc95 - 20/12/2014 09:25 - Canada - Chilliwack

Today, I was fired for "smelling like garbage". I'm the guy who throws the garbage into the truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 001

You deserved it 2 672

Ajwc95 tells us more.

Ajwc95 23

Saturday 20 December 2014 19:30

OP here. I did so apparently. I'm going see if I can fight this though.

Good job!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had a job interview. The interviewer asked me to give 5 adjectives describing myself. I listed 7. The last one being "listener." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 259

You deserved it 37 930

By ugh - 03/09/2013 23:53 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 775

You deserved it 40 948

Great seeing you again

By Kristin - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my husband's old fraternity brother came to visit. He fell out of his car, puked, then passed out drunk in our driveway. We got him to the bathroom, where he fell asleep. He woke up at 4am, wandered around the house naked, pooped in my trash can, then passed out again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 023

You deserved it 3 981

By failure - 28/06/2009 01:00 - Australia

Today, I was sitting in a park with a friend when a small child approached us. Just as I moved off the bridge to let the kid play, he asked if I'd like to play as the troll under the bridge. I laughed and said, "No thanks!" to which the kid responded, "But there's nobody else ugly enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 453

You deserved it 4 388

New year, new you

By Moving On - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out my parents' New Year's resolution is to get me to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 869

You deserved it 9 776

Miscommunication

By Anonymous - 04/10/2020 10:02 - United States - Holmdel

Today, I went to a going away party for a coworker. I had brought weed for the party and at one point a guy asked me if I have a Grindr. I replied, "No, I don't use those dating apps. I do have a Fetlife but that's it, if you want it." He apparently meant a weed grinder. Most awkward 3 hours ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 1 325

Thanks for the support

By Anonymous - 05/01/2022 10:59

Today, my dad completely disregards my mental health, insists mental disorders are just excuses for laziness in my generation, so even though I have crippling depression, at times he has no sympathy and will mercilessly bully me into “snapping out of it” and to "get a damn job already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 072

You deserved it 492

Spooooooooky

By Anonymous - 23/09/2012 00:37 - United States - San Angelo

Today, after months of believing my house is haunted, and years of being scared of the dark, I finally had to admit to myself that the only way I can go to the bathroom in the middle of the night is if my cat follows me and sits outside the door. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 588

You deserved it 7 847

By whatarethisss - 29/01/2016 16:20 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I had to teach my 16-year-old brother how to use a toaster. He thought you just plug it in and wait for it to "pre-heat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 994

You deserved it 1 695

By Poly24 - 27/08/2013 10:32 - France - La Courneuve

Today, I could hear my daughter playing with her Barbie dolls in her room. "Do you think your boss will agree to give you a raise?", she said. "Of course, we slept together!" My daughter is six. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 171

You deserved it 8 927

By myself - 20/09/2012 07:00 - United States - Seaside

Today, my 2-year-old told me he found a new finger puppet. It was a used condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 481

You deserved it 31 270

By disgusted - 19/09/2012 00:42 - United States - Herndon

Today, my dad's recycling went out of control. He now keeps a calendar of my periods, just to remind me to recycle the cardboard from my tampons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 696

You deserved it 2 026

By Anonymous - 23/10/2011 11:45 - United States

Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 297

You deserved it 4 603

By Anonymous - 07/01/2010 14:45 - Canada

Today, I got a haircut, and after thanking the stylist I went up front to pay. The lady behind the counter took one look at me, smiled, and said, "Well, now you'll need a hat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 112

You deserved it 2 729

Normal, right?

By jj. - 15/01/2022 11:01

Today, my 9 year-old son told me that sometimes he gets stiff “down there.” I assured him that it’s perfectly normal, but then he added that it only happens when he hears his stomach growling. Um, what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 184

You deserved it 173

By Anonymous - 16/09/2012 13:46 - United States

Today, I was finally paid back by a friend who wrote a check out. Not really looking at it, I went to the bank to deposit it. As I handed it to the teller, I noticed that he had written "sex" in the "for" memo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 587

You deserved it 4 125

No. Just… No.

By none - 22/08/2013 04:27 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I had sex. The guy texted me an hour later, saying, "That was awkward. Let's not do that again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 437

You deserved it 8 842

Nope, not me

By mycar - 20/08/2013 17:40 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I was showing a new girl around at school. As we were walking through the parking lot she noticed a green jeep and commented, "I heard the person who drives that is a total creep. Is he?" I said I didn't know who it was. It was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 997

You deserved it 6 316

By AtheistLookingforRoomie - 12/01/2017 22:00

Today, I had a meeting with a potential roommate to rent a 2/2 space and it was going well. We laughed, joked, and seemed to get along and want the same things. At the end of the conversation, however, he said he needed to "pray" about his decision to room with an atheist. This probably won't work out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 309

You deserved it 1 504

New creepypasta

By pokeballbra - 17/10/2011 05:44 - United States

Today, I had to sit on the bus next to a creepy guy. He began pestering me with overly-sexual statements, and finally I told him I had a boyfriend. He responded with, "Tell me his name so I can track him down, kill him, and hopefully take his place." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 148

You deserved it 4 088

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The Top

Today, I was using a public restroom. After about a minute of me being in there, a little girl came in and started pounding on the door, screaming that she had to go. My pregnancy hormones are so bad that I almost burst into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 434

You deserved it 17 407

Today, I decided to be responsible and call a cab to take my drunk ass home from the bar. As I climbed into the cab, I was quickly pulled back out and had the shit beaten out of me by a group of drunk guys who thought they needed the ride more. The police soon arrived and arrested us all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 772

You deserved it 2 819

Today, I found a parking ticket on my car. Out of five cars who were in violation of the same infraction, I was the only one who received a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 441

You deserved it 9 023

Today, my girlfriend asked if her friend Alex from high school could join in with us and we could have an amazing threesome. As a horny dude, how could I say no? Turns out Alex is also a guy's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 941

You deserved it 71 416

Today, I realised that my birthday was yesterday. I was so busy with my painting work that I completely forgot. I realised when I got messages from friends in the USA, wishing me a happy birthday. Seriously timezones? FML

I agree, your life sucks 647

You deserved it 307

Today, my girlfriend spent the night for the first time. It was like dancing the Hokey Pokey. No, that’s not a euphemism for sex. She stuck her right foot in my thigh, her knee in my spine, then moved her whole fucking body around the bed all night. I didn't sleep a wink all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 106

You deserved it 208