Today, I sat my son down for a talk about how he's been too lazy to brush his teeth lately. I said, "Son, we need to have a chat about oral hygiene." He rolled his eyes, sighed, and said he already knew to clean "it" before a girl went down on him, and asked if he could go already. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I were kissing. Halfway through the kiss, he rubs his tongue along all my teeth and says, "You need to brush your teeth." FML
Today, I walked in the bathroom to find my son cleaning his penis. It wouldn't have been so bad if he wasn't cleaning it with a toothbrush. FML
Today, my boyfriend complained that I "treat him like a child" by asking him if he’s brushed his teeth before we kiss. Gee maybe if he brushed regularly like a fucking adult, I wouldn’t HAVE to ask. FML
Today, I taught my younger cousins a more effective way to brush their teeth. Tonight when I was getting them ready for bed, I asked them why they weren't brushing their teeth like I taught them to. The littlest one replied, "Daddy said if we do then we'll have ugly teeth like yours." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when I asked him to go brush his teeth, since his breath stank. He went back to playing video games. FML
Today, I was feeling a bit randy, so when my boyfriend got home, I jumped on him and gave him a proper deep-tongue kiss. I noticed he tasted a bit weird, so I asked him when he last brushed his teeth. His answer: the day we had dinner with his mother. That was two weeks ago. FML
Today, my son has been talking strangely all day so I asked if he was OK. He told me he gave his girlfriend oral for the first time and while trying to “get her there” he went at it so hard, he got tongue cramp, and it still hurts so it’s making him talk weird. As a mom, TMI son. FML
Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML
Today, I realized I have to ask my husband if he’s brushed his teeth for the day the same way I have to ask our 5, 7 and 8 year-old children. FML
Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML
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Top comments
tzemmy 25
how old is your son? I hope you had a separate conversation about what he said
katieemerr 15
I couldn't disagree more.. Firstly, oral hygiene is no joke and the son should definitely be taking more care of his teeth. Secondly, OP has listed this under the 'kids' category; that makes me think the son is under legal age for sex. He can't even look after his teeth, I doubt he is mature enough to handle sex..
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Comments (85)
casualCrysis12 3
Your son is amazing oh my god.
katieemerr 15
I couldn't disagree more.. Firstly, oral hygiene is no joke and the son should definitely be taking more care of his teeth. Secondly, OP has listed this under the 'kids' category; that makes me think the son is under legal age for sex. He can't even look after his teeth, I doubt he is mature enough to handle sex..
Khaleesi_26 30
I think #1 is being saractic, at least one would hope. if they aren't #16 then i agree with you. All these FML's about bad hygiene is just sick, and you'd think people would realize we are not living in the medieval times anymore. And that this is the 21st centurey and we made cleaning products for a reason.
beserker81 12
The same two girls every post, "blah blah blah ******* retarded shit I'm making up blah blah blah"
Khaleesi_26 30
You got a problem with who posts on FML's all the time than don't read our comments. Otherwise suck it up buttercup. We all have a right to post here.
Ki11erC 18
Yes we created all these hygiene products to clean with when our bodies actually can do it themselves and we actually upset the balance more with them.
lougled 8
#31 is just saying that a majority of your stuff is not backed up by facts and finds it annoying
1776487 18
Who the **** still waits till "legal age"?
ShadowOpsV4 13
#31 omg lmao you made me laugh so hard!! Why are people downvoting that? Lmao
DoubleDosexo 12
#39, if we didn't ever brush our teeth they'd rot very quickly. probably in our early 30s, late 20s. how is that disrupting the balance? and with our bodies? You need to clean them, get dirt, germs, and dead skin cells off. how is that disrupting the balance? if you wear deodorant, you need to get that off your skin because it clogs your pores and if it doesn't, there's harmful ingredients in store bought non organic ones. that's all I'm going to bring up, there's other things I could mention though.
DogeMan 14
Guessing ur a pedifile???
invadermaythe1st 35
#47 More people than you'd think.
brivielle 15
#31 it must really hurt so bad that it's the same two girls that always beat you to it. Poor baby:(
coming back in the future 30
The people who comment on this site are getting worse and worse.
teamnikster 9
"No one is going down on you if your breath smells like dead hamsters." JUST LIKE THAT. No variations.
casualCrysis12 3
I was being sarcastic. And even if I wasn't, I meant the kids personality is awesome. He couldn't give two *****. Hygiene wise, he stinks. You guys need to calm down. And if he doesn't want to brush his teeth, that's his choice, don't shun him for it. It's not like he's bombing the White House. You're being clean freaks.
itcomesinthrees 10
I agree that many products are unnecessary.. However certain things like soap, deodorant and toothpaste are staples of good hygiene.
FoopaShoopa 12
#16 I hope you realize sex is different in every country and im guessing you come from the Shit States of America so its definetely different in this FML
CrazyLaughs4Me 17
Wow, at least he knows his priorities
silvercamaro 22
I'm sure his priorities will be set straight real quick next time he goes to the dentist
cocacola999 27
Unless he brushes his teeth, no girl will want to see how clean "it" is.
jthmtwin 16
I did that once as a kid (neglectful brushing) and had to pay the $70 cavity filling :( always brush now
Kevlar_burrito 6
A child's behavior is reflective of the parent's own behavior...
annarcheer 19
that's so stupid no its not. my behavior is defiantly not based off how my parents act. some kids might act up because of how the parents act but its not because the parents are out suggesting those things.
tukies 28
Yeah no it's not. Kids do think for themselves.
katieemerr 15
Wow.. This definitely raises the 'nature vs nurture' argument!
dolphins_penny 5
That's ridiculous. So a kid raised in a family that is bad will always be bad but a kid raised in a good family will be good? Kids think for themselves too. You can't categorize this as an all thing but it does occur occasionally. But if OP is concerned about their sons hygiene and the son isn't and is more concerned about sex then I would assume this is one of those times that the kid is just bad and not the parent.
Ichiya 29
Kids do imitate their parents. That said a kid will not act 100% like their parents, but if a parent doesn't stress good habits kids will not likely pick them up on their own.
Pauline96_fml 20
#11 actually, depending on the child, it is possible for the child to develop traits based on prolonged exposure. I know because I share a behavioral trait or two with my mother, traits that honestly I would love to be living without
annarcheer 19
#66 I'm sure you have things like your mother trust me I get my attitude from mine but your not going to go out and have sex and say "oh I get it from my mother"
randompizzaguy 17
#11 While partially correct, a person's upbringing and who they are surrounded by during key points of moral, and behavioral development influence their habits and views. One such influence can be their parents. To what extent can vary, but from a psychological standpoint it's more than just a possibility.
worldclassrager 41
I think you should have been more specific...
garrett_8614 14
How much more specific can you be? It's pretty sad his son doesn't know what "oral hygiene" means.
smokecloud_ 37
"Oral hygiene", not "hygiene for oral". Although both are important. :B
KK3137 31
Or "dental hygiene", since the OP is referring to the son's teeth specifically..
tzemmy 25
how old is your son? I hope you had a separate conversation about what he said
Just_A_Tree 20
I don't think the son has used those tricks that often if he has poor oral hygiene.
flutterby789 8
my thoughts exactly! how can he even get near girls with bad breath!! BIG TURN OFF in a guy
shay_serendipity 29
Well. There's one way to take the meaning of oral hygiene.
MeanBeagle 22
pretty sure the dad had a talk with hi. first
AdamsNumberOne 16
How old is he? At least he keeps it clean for the girl!
glabberfasted 16
What girl? If he doesn't brush his teeth no girl is going anywhere near him.
ahippienamedrae 10
I have no words for that
euphoricness 28
But... Those are words
chidexy 21
Lmao #19
annarcheer 19
someone's been busy..
namine120409 42
You should have him brush his teeth and then scrub his mouth out with soap for what he said.