Today, the guy I picked up made me bacon and a bagel for breakfast. I was so turned on by this gesture that we did it again in my kitchenette… Only this time, I was farting uncontrollably because I have celiac disease. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went over to my boyfriend's apartment and I smelled a delicious aroma as I walked in so I asked him what he was cooking. His response was, "I'm not cooking anything. I just farted." FML
Today, my boyfriend was stroking my stomach and looking into my eyes. It was very romantic, until he grabbed my love handles and said, "Mmmm... bacon..." FML
Today, I gave myself a major foodgasm by creating an absolutely yummy egg and mushroom salad with mustard. Turns out, though, that my digestive abilities are not quite as good as my culinary ones. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around, tickling each other. He grabbed my stomach roll and told me it looked like a baguette. FML
Today, the smell of my own fart made me feel hungry. FML
Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarrhea in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping body. He rolled over to whisper, "I heard everything." FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me a dutch oven, with my own fart. FML
Today, I had a double cheeseburger with a side of onion rings for lunch. Thirty minutes later my body reacted by giving me a bellyache and a HUGE need to shit. The good news, it was a normal pooh; it's just when I eat big, I go big. Bad. I was in his car with my guy when I "let go". He definitely noticed & smelled it. FML
Today, I met up with a guy who I've hooked up with 2-3 times before. He gives amazing head. I was sitting on my couch and he was on his knees on the floor in front of me. He was doing his thing, it was incredible and all of a sudden, I didn't even feel it coming, I farted on his chest. FML
Today, I was on a first date when my lactose intolerance decided to make an appearance. My date thought I was just “getting comfy” when I kept shifting in my seat. Nope, I was trying not to fart. FML
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Top comments
SJKatt 15
Celiac would do a heck of a lot more than just farting to you if you ate a bagel. Must have been one hell of a sex session for you to forget about it.
RichardPencil 32
You should have just eaten the bacon and left the bagel. If this guy has a future with you, you were going to have to tell him about your celiac disease with one end of your alimentary canal or the other.
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Comments (3)
SJKatt 15
Celiac would do a heck of a lot more than just farting to you if you ate a bagel. Must have been one hell of a sex session for you to forget about it.
RichardPencil 32
You should have just eaten the bacon and left the bagel. If this guy has a future with you, you were going to have to tell him about your celiac disease with one end of your alimentary canal or the other.
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
If it was your kitchenette why do you have fart inducing bagels?