Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to wake me up by fingering me. Let's just say going to the ER to get your tampon dug out isn't fun. FML
Today, I had a seizure and went to the hospital. Turns out, when you put in a tampon, forget, then get horny, your dildo can push the tampon all the way up to your cervix, where it will fester until you become septic. I'm now on antibiotics and horribly ill, but at least I know why I've been so tired recently. FML
Today, I got circumcised. After the surgery, my girlfriend got drunk and texted all of her friends about it. FML
Today, I woke up and felt that my arm was sore. I got so drunk last night, I got an unprofessional tattoo of a penis. FML
Today, I got severe diarrhea while out dancing with friends. On my way home, I got hit with the urge again. I couldn't find an open toilet and I had to resort to relieving myself in an alley. FML
Today, I woke up from a night of serious depression, drinking by myself at home, to find a USB stick wrapped in plastic up my vagina, with "Top secret" written on it. There was nothing on the stick when I checked. I may need to give tequila a rest and switch back to gin. FML
Today, I got home after a night of drinking with my coworker. We hooked up, but he was so drunk he had to use a flashlight to put it in. Then, he ran out of the room to throw up. FML
Today, I was lucky to have an extremely attractive doctor operating on me. This would have been great had he not been removing a foreign object from my vagina after an ill-fated masturbation session. FML
Today, I was constipated and so desperate to go that I ate an entire box of laxatives. Now I'm in the hospital on a saline drip for dehydration and malnutrition, in addition to getting a massive enema and having the most agonizing shit of my life. FML
Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML
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Top comments
UnluckyIrishKid 9
Was the doctor atleast anal about the proceure? All pieces removed?
eggmarie 25
I'm not even thinking about the hospital trip. I'm trying to figure out how the ride there went.
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Comments (107)
UnluckyIrishKid 9
Was the doctor atleast anal about the proceure? All pieces removed?
UnluckyIrishKid 9
Procedure*. So close.
Inheritance 10
How is a ***** 'special'? Is it set to the right vibration frequency to please you, or?
UnluckyIrishKid 9
Perhaps if it was gigantic, or oddly shaped, or her favorite? Not sure really.
eggmarie 25
I'm not even thinking about the hospital trip. I'm trying to figure out how the ride there went.
Boygenius50 8
Proof that what goes up does not always come down.
Futacy 30
Or you could get a real boyfriend, just a thought.
LolFMLnot 10
I remember reading something similar to this on Docbastards website :$
the_anti_hipster 7
Imagine being the doctor on call that night, thinking his rough day couldn't possibly get any worse...and then OP walks in.
UnluckyIrishKid 9
Didn't docbastard have his profile photo of a man with a coke bottle up his ass? People are crazy.
BioncaLuLu69 3
Well when my grandmother was in her mid 20's apparently my grandfather got her a glass sliding and later that night he was called to the hospital because she got it stuck very similar to this .... .... Yeah my family is very open X_X
BioncaLuLu69 3
Alpq43z
BioncaLuLu69 3
****** not sliding
kyarush 10
L..O..L!!!
emag_eht 18
9- Maybe she means special as in she doesn't use it as often as her other ones? Or it's for when she really needs that orgasmic boost for the day?
vintage3113 6
Dick!
DollyDope 17
39- I doubt OP was even able to walk.. maybe the walk of shame
wtvr 2
Maybe this special one is particularly good at listening to her and knows what she wants.
MDTeddy 13
How did it get stuck?
Tuffay 14
I am not sure she is a she... I think this Op is Male.
Krajjan 9
39 - Waddles*
munchy22 5
It's a female.
jizzwold 21
Doesn't it seem like it's her "special" ***** because she uses it for her ass?
outoftown 27
#175, *She's
Inheritance 10
Maybe it's a limited edition *****, signed by One Direction or JB?
Emma Marshall 19
Pass
J15237 25
honestly i was kind of thinking the same thing a bit. Just seems like a very weird thing to happen.
ElricMustang 23
Don't feel bad OP, everyone has their days. You'll be happy :)
xlord 27
I think once OP sticks to using her special ***** for her ****** she will be VERY happy.
blcksocks 19
***** removed from asshole? How the hell is OP single/lonely? I think she's a keeper...
shawnaishere 14
I feel sorry for the doctor.Damn doctors have to deal with a lot of shit!
msCherry973 2
What's is op
doctorhook86 25
82: I was thinking the same! Nothing quite like a Belgian lady who's not afraid to "help herself".
Tuffay 14
I am not sure that it is a lady... Could be a Guy... OP doesn't say either way.
MitChell127 5
173- There is a gender sign on the right side of the FML. Pink for female and blue for male.
SomeFatman 1
Don't know where you see that, I just see the word "woman" after the op's name.
sarahannewrap 7
Not so special now huh..
zandalee 20
Maybe this was another case of a possessed ***** - just like the one from yesterday. Be afraid ladies. Be very afraid.
rarrar321 3
Are you kidding!? What could be more special than getting it stuck in your ass and having it surgically removed?! That's true love, my friend. True love.
Yinky 6
Your ***** was probably like "I don't wanna come out I look like shit!" :p lol
seahawksfan900 11
A better question is did she get her special ***** back?
gc327072 31
It'd be hilarious if something like this came into the ER where DocBastard works.
Shercock_Holmes 6
That's a bit shit.
KiRaKaT 9
As was your comment
sonicgreg 12
As were these replies.
GreenDayFanatic 5
No shit Sherlock!
cumberbunny 17
Sherlock....Benedict Cumberbatch....
ianbeef 11
That's gross
fuzz97 23
Your reaction is understandable, since you're only 14. Don't worry, once you mature a bit I'm sure stuff like this won't bother you.
hockeychicl003 6
fuzz- I am assuming that you are only 14/15 too, since you have 97 in your profile. Don't be a jerk
fuzz97 23
If you actually looked at my profile instead of assuming things, 90, you would know that I am 17 and my comment is entirely justified.
emag_eht 18
90- Wrong. He's 17. Check the actual information ON his profile.
hockeychicl003 6
People lie, just saying.
PegaDolphin 7
Can't we all just get along?
fuzz97 23
Think about it this way, 106. If I was 14 or 15, why would I have left that comment?
GothicAngel17 24
I love how hockeychickl003 tried to defend herself by saying people lie because she can't read.
loloalltheway 23
#107, are you Canadian by any chance?
ogle5431 1
Wow 17, Fuzz? Please enlighten us more. Better yet, keep your mouth shut at least until you've moved out of your parents' house because you don't know jack.
onlychildFTW 34
That's mean 132.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
I'm 14. I didn't even wince. 132- Hey, looks like I'm slightly more mature than you are, considering I don't make blanket statements.
palomina 0
Cuz ur stupid
xknightlightx 2
Being mature isnt about accepting sexual shit like anal sex experience.. He is conscious enough to remember actively that there is shit in the anus.. Even if there isnt, the anus still had shit and is made to handle shit.. Since when does ... not thinking about the poop in the anus= being more mature?? Because The only way people stop thinking about the shit in the anus during sexual experiences is when they think about sexual pleasure instead-.- and this relates to the way people can choose to do things like eating ice cream even though it has been dropped on the floor .. Or having sex with someone else even though you have a boyfriend.. There is a contradiction and a impurity that makes it all disgusting in SOME way.. And contradictions to true love dont go away just because you get a bf/gf.. Being mature isnt about being unconscious about things.. Or sex.. It is about being stronger in more ways than one .. For yourself and for those you love and want to protect and make happy and such... Not about accepting anal sexual shit Because being mature is about reaching a level of intelligence.. But that level of intelligence doesnt have to be about accepting anal shit.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
I wasn't aware people had special sex toys. But OP, there's other ways to cheer yourself up than drinking.
jamalamadingdong 18
Yeah, like shoving things up your ass, oh wait...
sirsquab 12
Come to think about it, isn't alchohol a depressant?
fuzz97 23
You know a depressant isn't a thing that makes you depressed, right?
enormouselephant 15
All my sex toys are special.
c8750 2
86, if already depressed, a depressant will make you more depressed
ChrisTheCalm 9
**** alcohol, sober up and smoke a bowl.
lilemmy55 10
I agree with 158 :)
Kingkiwi 5
Life's a bitch:/
celine21_fml 0
Well if it were a ***** it would be easy.
celine21_fml 0
37, haha yes
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
And is death her sister?
epicskier 3
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I hope you are a girl. Otherwise that would have been terrible
Inheritance 10
*Looks at top right of screen, and notices the female sex logo*
kakarot2 11
****** are made for women in mind for the most part. if I guy were to show up with a ***** up his ass, even if gay, it would be 100% more awkward of a situation.
Kasse 4
Somehow I think stuck sex toys would be equally humiliating for either gender.
shadexilmaendu 4
Well, honestly anal might be better for guys. The prostate is pretty much a g spot and can generally only be reached by anal stimulation. It's just not a commonly accepted thing because, you know, Jesus hates sodomy.
ogle5431 1
Actually I've experienced a prostate "massage". It's one of the most uncomfortable things I've experienced in my life. To each their own but I could never be gay.
AClassActx3 7
Its still TERRIBLE! Thats why its on here!
piff7 14
Obviously OP is a girl. Open your eyes and look at the gender symbol next to the FML. Before you comment asking maybe you should open your eyes a little
sirpantselot 22
Yes you could, 133, you'd just have to be a Top
Valdrek 26
Geez, did you go too deep? FYL OP, that would have been insane amounts of embarrassment.
chellytiger 12
Haha talk about some suction. Lol Welp maybe this will teach her to use a smaller ***** next time.
phatdaddy62 23
Or maybe a bigger one so it won't get lost!
jizzwold 21
Or one with a proper base.
igese 11
op: excuse me doctor I have a problem doctor: what is it? op: I have a ***** stuck up my ass and I can't get it out
OhDearBetrayal 25
DocBastard- Don't be embarassed, it's casual.
PegaDolphin 7
Haha just picture her driving in her car to the hospital