Today, I put a sock on my dorm room door to get everyone to think I was getting laid. In truth, I'm a virgin and just wanted to take a peaceful nap. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was so lonely, I tried to get into bed noiselessly while pretending I had a boyfriend asleep in it. FML
Today, I heard a knock on my door and, thinking it was my student adviser, opened it. I was greeted by a drunk girl, who pushed her way into my dorm room, informed me that she lived here last year, and then told me that she lost her virginity in my bed. FML
Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed, because apparently hers is "for sleeping only". FML
Today, I locked myself out of my dorm room. I walked across campus, shoe-less and in nothing but my bathrobe, to find someone who could let me back in. Turns out I hadn't even shut the door properly and so it never actually locked. I can still hear the guy laughing at me. FML
Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML
Today, I had to leave my one-night stand in my flat because I was giving a guest lecture at the local university. Halfway through, I hear someone sneaking in so I jokingly asked if they had a 'wild night out.' It was the guy I slept with. FML
Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend in my dorm room. My roommate came in, despite the signal I had up on the door. She didn't leave. She got on her computer and started playing Solitaire. FML
Today, I had a girl come over to my house that I had been texting for four days. I asked her what she wanted to do and she replied "take a nap". Becoming really excited I lead her to my bedroom and went to the hiding spot for my condoms, she was serious about the nap. FML
Today, my college roommate whom I've never met moved in. Good thing I wasn't completely naked, playing with myself on the couch when he walked in. That would've been awkward. FML
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Top comments
DarDarAttack 0
Nothing's wrong with being a virgin. (:
kristen1823 0
Your first time having sex should be a special thing. Save yourself for the one you truly love. There's absolutely no rush.
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Comments (131)
SkateElement44 0
Then get laid
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
Hey! There's nothing wrong with a good nanna nap. Also your hand is much cheaper and does a better job.
Eyeliner_fml 0
put a sign on your door saying "gtfo" ?
Reyo 2
Don't be ashamed, that's pretty ******* clever. Lord knows I could've thought of this over the semester. Only people who put a sock on their door to try and impress others are pathetic. Meanwhile, people confident with their sexual status will put socks on other's doors and watch people freak out.
11colio11 4
ydi for watching jersey shore
persianlife 0
It's really really really hard though!!
iivann 0
jajaja dam !! lol
AuroraBeam 0
ewhh..not true 12.. lol(:
chinte24 0
ur iz not better have u even got sum cuz nigfa if u have u wouldnthave said that
thingfish 0
that's actually really awesome, OP. I'd do the same thing xD
zoomer_fml 0
agreed ^
DarDarAttack 0
Nothing's wrong with being a virgin. (:
mikeyMcFly 0
haha ^ win
Jizwold 0
I refuse to believe she wasn't molested by her father.
iSpasticFantasti 14
Yay for cruel assumptions! 8D Now me!!
TheCheyenneMorga 3
Haha, I agree with 20, although he'll probably assume the same thing about me.
kbourco 0
fourth!
Daileass 0
^ it's a pretty big deal if you're a guy
DarDarAttack 0
yeeea. I don't really see why. But I just wouldn't know anything about that.
adrian071 0
It really is not a big deal, except that when ur a guy tons of pressure comes from other men who are not virgins, and even from male relatives. I say this from experience, I was a virgin by choice till I was 18, and the most pressure I got from was from my dad and uncles, and of course my friends. Once I did though, I realized sex is way overrated, especially when meeting some nasty women who don't know the meaning of moderation and hygiene.
peabody89 0
pretty sure its not by choice in his case....n im sorry u think its overrated, that sux maybe u shoulda just waited for the rite girl???
adrian071 0
well I'm not assuming it's by choice, seeing how he/she posted a FML about pretending to be getting laid just to take a nap. that does suck, and hope they get laid by a decent member of the opposite sex. Also, I did wait for the right girl, she was also a virgin and we dated all my senior year which turned out to be my most awesome school year! lol but as soon as college came, sexual encounters went downhill due to hoes and tricks.
wikkedphuka 0
this comment is rubbish there is nothing wrong with being a virgin!! guy or girl infact i want a guy who is a virgin! id rather have him. now being a vegan thats bad i love pizza n burgers thats just sad if u live n america n dnt like burgers lol
kikibisweet 0
Hope you had a good nap.
kbourco 0
ew
youfailed18 0
7, you're a pervert.
pwincessa23 1
that's a girl. no lampshades. WTF!
LemonBlue 0
yummaaaay
CiaranPM 0
I fail to see a lampshade.
cusof 0
stupid attention ******...
Waffle817 0
five bucks it's actually a guy
memo619 0
you should of made noises to make it sound more realistic like in easy A
SkateElement44 0
While sleeping right?
memo619 0
no, instead of :)
redbluegreen 41
19, the whole point was to take a peaceful nap. You're an idiot.
memo619 0
haha I'm an idiot for suggesting ideas? well I'm sorry for speaking my mind imma just crawl under a rock and hide my shame
yomamasmama 0
bruhh 19 was just suggesting, don't trip
redbluegreen 41
38, stop exaggerating. The whole point of the FML was for OP to get a peaceful nap. Why suggest something that will prevent him from sleeping? It would have made more sense if you had said 'Play a tape recording of moans' or 'Play a porno movie'.
memo619 0
I wasn't exaggerating, I was only kidding I see what you mean, but how am I an idiot? it's not like I'm suggesting something completely pointless and out of subject
ohthebloodygore 16
50, she got the idiot thing from me. I always use it. No offence meant.
memo619 0
None taken, I was only wondering why she called me that Asked and answered I guess
iSpasticFantasti 14
#41 And now while the battle distracts everyones, THAT'S ONE SEXY-ASS PICTURE!
ERich331 3
*should have
yomamasmama 0
44, are you stupid ? leave him alone damnn niigga you trippin balls
redbluegreen 41
No. I meant it. ^ Guy above me, you're a moron.
Classic_PWN 1
Level 85 dk Druid hunter priest on Moonguard Burning Blade and Saurfanf
jskibabe22 4
Life=complete
Wynton 0
get some pussy then....if you cant do that.....then order someone off the internet..
GTmustang07 0
He can't get pussy because he's to busy sleeping with one sock on
Nadinek98 0
Um. I'm sure Ur waiting for that significant other?
pepsibearr 0
yea I think he should too
SamSayzRAWRZ 0
Well... I doubt they'd believe you anyway if there wasn't any noise coming from your room haha
Shanokie 2
...because a 14 year old knows a whole lot about the noises associated with sex. there is a such thing as a quiet quickie used to do it all the time in my dorm and nobody ever knee any different.
SamSayzRAWRZ 0
Okay, lay off with the age remarks. It's just rude. And so what if I know about a lot of stuff?
mercedes3210 6
You obviously don't since you think people can't be silent during sex.
SamSayzRAWRZ 0
Whatever. Think what you want.
iSpasticFantasti 14
Eh, come on guys, everyones input should be accepted without bullshit criticism like that. Sure, find the humor or correct an obvious and stupid mistake, but have some class while doing so. Sam, don't worry, 'Too Yung' is just a name in China. xD Lolol, but seriously, would you be happier knowing us fourteen year olds knew every miniscule detail when it comes to sex or that we aren't sleeping around with every idiot we see?
Cass3m0 0
She could be mute, and he could've been respecting that by not saying anything either. :D