Today, I woke up to the sound of birds chirping, had a wonderful cup of coffee, and found my son throwing up rubbing alcohol in the bathroom. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, instead of waking up to soft sunlight creeping in the window or the gentle trill of birds, I was awakened by the sound of my dog vomiting all over my bed. FML
Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML
Today, I discovered that last night, my son snuck downstairs at 3am, drank two glasses of my very expensive wine, threw up on his bed, and then slept in his own vomit. My son is 14. FML
Today, I was woken up to my mother screaming obscenities at me, all because I threw up last night after days of not feeling well, and the flushing of the toilet afterwards woke her up. FML
Today, against my wishes, my son snuck out of my house to go partying. When he came home, I called him in so I could properly discipline him. While I was talking, he staggered to our fish tank, pulled open the lid, and vomited straight into it. FML
Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML
Today, as I was getting ready for work, I heard a noise almost like someone was puking all over the bathroom floor. When I went to check, my 14-year-old son was puking all over the bathroom floor. The toilet, however, was pristine. FML
Today, my dad set the smoke alarm off at 6 a.m. as a "practice drill." I was woken up so suddenly, I fell out of bed into the bucket of sick I had been throwing up into the night before due to flu. Dad yelled at me for not getting out of the house in time. FML
Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML
Today, I have a horrible hangover. My mom also decided it was a good day to go hiking. I ended up puking on the trail. FML
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Top comments
Magnoxidans 19
This is a great opportunity! Don't tell him there's any difference between that and normal alcohol and your son will stay sober for life!
joeyl2008 29
I agree, parents shouldn't sleep. Their job is to watch their children at all times.
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Comments (26)
jbuckets_404 39
OP: Bet he thought that rubbing alcohol contains the same type of alcohol as in beer, liquor, and wine! lol
Sam Fisher 13
I wouldn’t be surprised....a hospital downtown in my city had to stop filling up the hand sanitizers as homeless drunks would constantly keep trying to drink it. I’m not talking shit about these people, this is literally what a worker told me when I asked why there isn’t any hand sanitizer
Magnoxidans 19
This is a great opportunity! Don't tell him there's any difference between that and normal alcohol and your son will stay sober for life!
HoboMeth 36
The son will be the type of guy who will pick weeds from the garden and try to light up
jcash52426 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
How old if your kid? Why wasn't he in school? If not old enough for school why weren't you paying attention to him/her?
Benpie 22
It's February vacation right now for a lot of schools
Eashy 16
It also could have been early in the morning before school started.
joeyl2008 29
I agree, parents shouldn't sleep. Their job is to watch their children at all times.
Tomato_Cheese 22
It says son moron
Tripartita 45
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Are supposed to ignore the fact that you developed the power to identify vomit content by sound?! You're a ******* superhero now! "Help! Save me, Vomit-Man! This person said they'll stab me if I can't figure out what they had to eat yesterday by the sound of them puking!"
Techno101 13
Is this a joke?
MrEldritch 14
Oh I think it's more of an olfactory thing to identify the alcohol in someone's vomit.
amazed_71 14
OP said she "found" him throwing up.
allie2590 31
This comment is really getting blasted by the angry thumbs, but for what it's worth, I'm laughing my ass off at the absurdity.
brucee1119 8
Future Darwin Award winner there!
602offroad 12
"Why do you keep rubbing alcohol in the liquor cabinet"? "You don't want to know....."
RichardPencil 32
Sounds like the perfect morning! Nature is punishing your idiot kid, so you get to stay the "good cop!"
squiros 2
i use isopropyl to clean pools all the time, yet i never thought to use it on the gene pool. very innovative. if the son wants to clean the pool, we should respect his decision. it seems a little dirty anyway.
Fuhkyoo 17
Did it get him drunk? asking for a friend.
tantanpanda 26
Isopropyl alcohol will not induce the same effect since they're two completely different molecules. It doesn't get metabolized the same way and drinking Isopropyl is very dangerous and causes permanent blindness if you drink it too much. You could convert it to ethanol, but it still wouldn't be worth it.
interesting33 37
it is toxic isn't it?? even if he seems fine now I think you need to get him checked by a doctor. he may also have inhaled the fumes.
joeyl2008 29
it can make you go blind