Today, I couldn't find my reading glasses, thinking perhaps i'd dropped them outside, I stepped off my deck bare foot, straight into a steaming dog turd. Only to see my glasses chewed up a few feet away. It went between my toes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was out walking my dog. After he took a dump, I went to pick it up but my glasses fell right in his poop. I didn’t have tissue, just the plastic bag. FML
Today, I walked out into my backyard. As I did so, my dogs ran past me, slamming the sliding door off its track. I went to catch it, and knocked the bird cage over. To complete the fumble, as I turned to catch the bird cage, I stepped in a dog turd. I wasn't wearing shoes. We're all okay, but… FML
Today, while I was reading on my tablet, my dog wanted to be let outside, so I set down the tablet and let her outside. I returned to the living room to continue reading when I heard a crunch. The tablet had fallen to the floor and I'd stepped on it. FML
Today, I stepped in a pile of dog shit. While trying to get it off by wiping my foot on the grass, I stepped in another pile. FML
Today, I woke up, put on my fuzzy socks, walked down my hallway, and stepped in cat vomit. I took off my now wet socks, continued walking down the hallway, and stepped barefoot in cat shit. FML
Today, I felt something hit my eye as I was riding on my bike. My glasses ended up falling off. I looked for them for ten minutes before giving up. I ran over them. FML
Today, I was picking up after my dog with a poo baggie over my hand, like a mitten. Too bad the bottom ripped open and my bare hand poked through it just as I grabbed a big handful of steaming dog turd. FML
Today, I was using the restroom at work when my glasses slipped off my face and landed right in the toilet. FML
Today, I tried to get a piece of glass out of my big toe. After an hour of poking and prodding, I finally got it out only for it to fall on the floor where I couldn't find it. Not five minutes later, I stepped on it again. FML
Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML
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Top comments
Charlie Given 28
Dog 2 Human 0 🤣😂
raven_of_azarath 35
Your glasses or the dog poop? You should never ever use “it” unless you are referring to the same subject as the previous sentence/clause.
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Comments (6)
RichardPencil 32
Your chewed-up glasses went between your toes? Even from a few feet away? I’d have guessed dog turd squished between your toes, but it’s not clear what the antecedent of “it” is.
Charlie Given 28
Dog 2 Human 0 🤣😂
raven_of_azarath 35
Your glasses or the dog poop? You should never ever use “it” unless you are referring to the same subject as the previous sentence/clause.
tounces7 28
It's funny because this is one of the many reasons I don't have a dog and never will. If I want a lovable idiot there's plenty of humans available who at least won't poop on the ground.
zuckerburg 21
Reading glasses didn't make you miss the dog turd when you stepped off your deck. YDI