Today, my dad got a flat tire on the way to work. I got a replacement and texted him, "I have the wheel." For some reason, it got autocorrected to, "I have the weed." My dad then said, "I think we need to talk." I know he's joking and that he knows it was autocorrect trying to ruin my life, but damn. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I mistakenly texted my father in-law a photo of all my weed and all the joints I'd rolled. He’s also my boss. FML
Today, my dad was driving me to college. I'd cracked a joke about how old people like him shouldn't be allowed to drive, and I guess he took it personally, what with him speeding straight up to the parking lot wall, and only braking after I started shrieking in terror. FML
Today, my father contacted me for the first time in close to 2 months. The first thing he did was ask if I wanted to buy some weed. FML
Today, I was texting with my close friend about her very sick father. She texted, "I hope he gets better" and I replied, "I hope he does." Autocorrect changed it to, "I hope he dies." FML
Today, I was in a store parking lot when I got a text from an unknown number saying, "I see you, I know what you did last summer, you wicked little shit." I freaked out and looked around in a panic. It turns out that it was my "hilarious" dad testing his new phone from across the parking lot. FML
Today, I meant to send a spicy message to my partner, but sent it to my dad due to the Whatsapp conversations being next to each other on my computer screen, and me not paying attention due to being an idiot. My dad replied, “Uh... not sure I needed that mental image.” FML
Today, my dad didn't mention he had just aired up the tire on my van and that it might have a hole in it. It wasn't flat when I left the house but it sure as hell was when it exploded, not even a mile down the road. FML
Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML
Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML
Today, my dad found out I recently tried weed. He called me a useless waste of air and grounded me for the rest of the year. Then he went outside and smoked his third cigarette of the morning. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
RichardPencil 32
"For some reason?" Auto-correct learns your word frequency and corrects things to the most likely choice, pothead. Hey, I have to manually override the corrections to "ducking" whenever I use it!
mike3775 39
Your lucky. When my son sent a text like that, I said “you better share with me or your grounded”. I was t kidding, if he had weed, he better share with me. :)
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (3)
RichardPencil 32
"For some reason?" Auto-correct learns your word frequency and corrects things to the most likely choice, pothead. Hey, I have to manually override the corrections to "ducking" whenever I use it!
mike3775 39
Your lucky. When my son sent a text like that, I said “you better share with me or your grounded”. I was t kidding, if he had weed, he better share with me. :)
HayNow 11
Who says "wheel" instead of tire or spare?
RichardPencil 32
Maybe he had the whole wheel and tire assembly. Sometimes when you get a flat tire, you can bend the rims and wheel.