The Top

The machine was in my dorm building and was your generic industrial washer - no OFF switch, no fancy doors, etc. Once the cycle's on, it's on for the duration. Since it was linked up to 9 other machines, had I pulled the plug, I would've not only flooded out the laundry room but would have had 9 very unhappy residents on my back..heh. Oh, and never mind the happy ending - the iPod never bounced back to life. Serves me right, I guess.

Roomies

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got a new roommate after having a horrible relationship with the previous one. She seemed nice at first, until our first night together. She got completely wasted, spilled beer all over my bed, and blew chunks into my fish tank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 031

You deserved it 3 057

By AkGirl1991 - 11/03/2012 11:33 - United States

Today, I was opening a present my boyfriend got me for my 21st birthday. What I unwrapped was a Kay jewelers box. Excited, I opened it to find a ring made out of a one dollar bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 208

You deserved it 5 024

AkGirl1991 tells us more.

AkGirl1991 7

Sunday 11 March 2012 21:38

This is the poster, and actually I had bought him a promise ring on valentines day. He used the box I gave him....I just thought. I might have been getting one in return. And no, I am not materialistic or ungrateful, and I know he can afford it. Just got my hopes up. If he had JUST given me the ring, it would have been great.

By Anonymous - 17/02/2013 02:12 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, after explaining to my four-year-old why our new puppy was peeing on things to mark his territory, my son decided to follow suit and pee all over our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 897

You deserved it 6 886

Creepy

By skid kid - 10/03/2012 02:09 - Canada

Today, I angrily tweeted about having fruitlessly searched for over an hour for my car keys. Minutes later, some guy told me to check beneath the "stack of skid-marked underwear" on my bedroom floor. I'm not sure if it was a lucky guess, or if I should start carrying mace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 988

You deserved it 6 664

You idiot!

By Anonymous - 28/10/2019 22:00

Today, I didn't want to hang out with my girlfriend so I could binge watch Pawn Stars instead. When she asked me why not, I lied not very convincingly and said my mom was sick and needed my help. She now thinks I'm cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 3 137

But I love her…

By Anonymous - 27/08/2022 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I met my son's girlfriend and I’m convinced he’s lost his damn mind. She was rude, racist and offensive, grossly obese, absolutely stank of unwashed body odour, her clothes were filthy, and she dropped cigarette ash everywhere she felt like it. I’m stunned, completely stunned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 221

You deserved it 153

Lookin' good

By scruffy - 10/05/2011 17:24 - United States

Today, I woke up late for a job interview. I hadn't shaved in six days, but figuring I could do so en route, I grabbed my electric razor and ran for the bus. While shaving, the razor's battery died midway through, leaving me to attend the job interview with a Miami Vice scruff on half my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 049

You deserved it 38 168

Dude, shut up

By BiteMe - 28/08/2022 18:00 - United States - Manchester

Today, I accidently accepted a lunch invitation from an old friend, because I forgot what they're like. Here comes another hour and a half monologue about how great they are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 305

By AznKoreanGuy - 04/03/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, while getting off the bus, there was a lady in front of me wearing a dress and suddenly her phone dropped out of her bag. I picked up the phone for her which landed right beneath her dress and as she turned around she thought I was trying to take pictures of her panties and slapped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 953

You deserved it 4 697

By Anonymous - 10/02/2013 01:39 - United States - Decatur

Today, I came home from a two-week vacation. When I walked into my house, I found cat poop everywhere. It took me several hours to clean it all up, and the house still smells terrible. The worst part is that I've never owned a cat in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 494

You deserved it 2 411

By wow - 05/05/2011 06:13

Today, my mom confessed that she has to make up compliments to give to prove me wrong when I said she can never say positive things about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 468

You deserved it 3 462

Don't bring your lovelife into the workplace

By Anonymous - 28/06/2021 04:01

Today, and for a while, we've known our coworker was cheating on her husband. The issue is it's affecting everyone at work, even my boss doesn't know what to do. Can't fire her, because we have no one to replace her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 120

You deserved it 242

By gilbirds - 07/02/2013 00:49 - United States - Marysville

Today, my dad took me to the empty parking lot of Wal-Mart to try driving for the first time. All was well until he shouted at me for going too slow, which startled me into jerking the wheel and simultaneously stomping on the gas. I don't think Geico covers a Wal-Mart-sized dent in one's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 925

You deserved it 5 880

gilbirds tells us more.

gilbirds 8

Thursday 7 February 2013 11:49

OP here! I can't believe this got posted. Moreover, I can't believe I forgot to log in. *facepalm* For those commenting about there being no such thing as an empty Wal-Mart parking lot, it was the rarely-used back lot where virtually no one goes. So it was deserted enough for a rookie's practice.