Today, I woke up to my five year old son picking off the scabs from his chicken pox and dropping them into my open mouth as I slept. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend pulling off scabs and eating them. My scabs. FML
Today, just three days into a much-needed vacation, my 5-year-old daughter has come down with chickenpox. FML
Today, I found out that, when mad at us, my son picks the tops off his shoulder-pimples and sprinkles them in our food. FML
Today, while eating dinner, my child picked up a piece of their chicken off the floor and put it in their mouth. It wasn’t until during bath time did I realize it wasn't chicken but poop that fell out of their diaper. FML
Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML
Today, I have the flu. I woke up to my son leaning over me, inches from my face, breathing in deeply. Apparently, he was trying to get sick so he could stay home from school. He's 15. FML
Today, I woke up to see my four year-old brother with a sharpie, trying to play “Connect the Dots” with my acne. FML
Today, at Church, the little boy sitting behind me asked his mother if I had the chicken pox, because there were red dots all over my face. I've had bad acne since I was twelve. FML
Today, my 4-year-old son cut half of my hair when I was asleep because he thought I would look better that way. FML
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Top comments
Fernmelder 0
that is nasty
crazychika 0
Ewwwww! What a little bugger! Yea... here's one reason why I'm NOT having kids :P
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Comments (237)
idratherbewrestl 0
better beat that kid! haha fyl
chipmunk95 0
thats what i was thinking i whoop his ass thats ***** nasty!
zackman13 0
yum yum...
renaet 0
Yeah that deserves a good home town beatin'
Dbag320 0
Beat that ass, I know I would.
AnaMaree 0
Get out the belt for this one!
Starrlife_101 0
Thats horrible!!!!!!!!!!
fawfulster 11
I agree, sometimes kids just need some good ol' spanking to learn.
the_stereotype 0
anyone read "how to eat fried worms?" yeah...well, they kind of have the right idea for your son
daniphantom911 0
Amen!
stewie1744 0
eeeew. gross, I gagged after reading this. that's disgusting
skullbashd 3
I love adoption centers for these kind of moments.
bberg01 5
typical chick...
skullbashd 3
kill yourself
ncvolley123 8
no, not spanking. it's to little. time for the paddle!
SeeYouNTee 0
like they say you can pick your nose but you can't pick your family
rizzosierra 0
you're right! beat his ass!
shea3594 0
Hell yeah
Fernmelder 0
that is nasty
skins4ever 0
thats not even funny...at all in any context
nehpets 0
kind of funny :S
MrForgetable 0
-shudders-
pshnoway 0
Oh my god, that's disgusting, fyl.
crazychika 0
Ewwwww! What a little bugger! Yea... here's one reason why I'm NOT having kids :P
canucksrule88 0
thats a little extreme.. you think every kid feeds you chicken pox?
crazychika 0
Well it was a relatively sarcastic comment.... hence the ":P"
xXMILKYCHUNKSXx 0
I guess he doesn't get it.
Orgazm0 0
Did it taste good? :P FYL
100lol 0
LOL!!!!!
BadOwner 0
#5 awww ur so funny... no ****
filip_fml 0
no ****? wtf?
BrEnNo1023 5
IGNORE the ignoramus who feels obligated to quote gangsta rap lines that assert his sexuality. that is the lamest ******* thing. i bet he goes around saying that all the time, as if people will actually respect him more if he continuously tells everybody that he wasn't homosexual. brainwashed retard he is.
skullbashd 3
171 super rage rant time ftw
jme208 0
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BussellRishop 0
To be fair, chicken pox scabs are delicious.
BrEnNo1023 5
sprinkle them over oats in the morning, add them to a cheese dip at lunch time, or fry them up with scrambled eggs for dinner. you could even eat them on a pizza with a drizzle of japanese mayonnaise and a bit of shredded bacon. or just eat them straight up, that's the easiest method. they're great party snacks by themselves.
pinksmurf95 0
#136 was funny. this on the other hand just completely ruined the joke. thanks.
22jrdn55 15
lmao ewww and YDI for sleeping with ur mouth open!!
Fernmelder 0
I know right? he totally should've told his mouth to close before he went to bed or at least recorded himself sleeping just to make sure he was sleeping with an open mouth so he can fix it next time. yeah you totally DI for not checking your mouth while sleeping
CheshireHalli 19
Like you can really control that... /sarcasm
imajinethat 0
I totally agree. YDI for sleeping with your mouth open, you gross, hairy, open-mouth breather, you.
isgrate25814 0
you can't control if ur sleeping with your mouth open. i dont think ydi
summer66_fml 0
some ppl have congestion problems & have to sleep with their mouth open in order to breathe
tonyDlolli 0
and some people just rly dont understand sarcasm :P
Irefusetosay 0
You can't control if you sleep with your mouth open do you think she gets ready for bed every night and says "Hmmm I think today I'll sleep with my mouth closed" And number 11 who records themself sleeping its not a big deal for someone to sleep with their mouth open i mean your mouth opens like once a night while your sleeping
Intoxicunt 6
I do go to bed and decide if I'm going to sleep with my mouth open or closed. So why couldn't OP do it?
phiaphia 0
@ #120..... your stupidity is showing... #11 was clearly being sarcastic.
iluvhugs4 0
#120, #11 was clearly being sarcastic. And for all the people who say "sleep with your mouth close!" or "ydi for having your mouth open!" well maybe her mouth was closed, her son could of easly opened her mouth then drop the scabs in. but that is not the point in this FML. the point is that her son was putting scabs in her mouth while sleeping and that it was completly gross. and that is completly disgusting. i would have been puking if that happened to me.
insomniacdude 0
I know how sarcastic everyone is being right now, but I'd just like to say that it is possible to control if your mouth is open or not. I used to sleep mouth open but would drool all over my pillow, so I sleep with my mouth closed now (or at least I fall asleep with my mouth closed and there's no drool on my pillow anymore). I'm not sure how exactly I did it, I just sort of told myself to do it.
Irefusetosay 0
I was mostly talking to #7
skullbashd 3
I now like being born sterile
laur20091 0
oh my god I'm so sorry! it didn't even happen to me and I think I still puke a little...
lives_ppl 0
Yeah me too and I was eating when I read this
RedJester23 6
And people wonder why I don't want to have kids....
951753852456 0
That will teach you not to sleep with your month open!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SoloAutotunE 17
"That will teach you to do something that you can't prevent because you're unconscious!"