Today, I'm a student vet. Part of my holiday work is to gain experience working at a dairy. A cow came on to the platform for me to inject her udder. As I was bent over, she decided to take a dump. Onto my left eyeball. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it was my first day working at a milking parlor. As I crouched behind a cow to put on an udder cluster, I looked up and gasped just in time for the cow to crap on my face. FML
Today, I found out what it feels like to have a cow take a large, flatulent shit with my arm still elbow-deep inside their rectum. FML
Today, I broke my glasses. How did I break my glasses? A cow kicked me in the face at work. FML
Today, at work, I got chilli powder in my eye. Now not only do I have a swollen, blistered eye, but I am covered in milk as my boss assured me that would help. FML
Today, I went into the farm where I work. Within the first 30 minutes I slipped on a fresh cow pie and broke my ankle. FML
Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML
Today, I was at my job as a dental assistant and I was told to take an X-ray of a woman's teeth. As soon as I put the foam piece into her mouth, she projectile-vomited all over me and the floor. I had just started my 5-hour shift. FML
Today, I was hit in the face by the placenta of a cow that had just given birth. FML
Today, while driving, we pulled up at a set of traffic lights next to a huge truck with live animals inside. Curious as to exactly what animal, I wound down my window to see if I could hear them, just in time for the truck to take off and cow shit to fly in my face. FML
Today, during my shift as a vet nurse, I picked up a gorgeous cat for cuddles, only to discover it was covered with pee. And now I am too. I still have 4 hours of my shift. FML
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Top comments
dtbomb 3
What a shitty job. lol
SayItNicely 0
Do you happen to work at the same place as the person who asked for a bottle of milk? Then that wouldn't seem so weird...
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Comments (110)
dtbomb 3
What a shitty job. lol
leeshxx 3
*facepalm* lame lol. watchout for the pinkeye :)
rallets 23
you shouldve moo-ved out of the way
ImaWiseGuy 5
what udder tragedy.....
GigglePony 13
Wow, that sure sucks LOLOLOL AMICOOLYET?
JojoChuo 8
40's comment made me laugh xD
locachick101 0
eww you don't shit in your eye..pinkeye!!
jamjelly386 5
how dairy you not watch out?
HollyoaksFan93 9
@40 Haha xD
morgan320 0
Bullseye?
sweetxnothings 0
this fml was very aMOOsing.
sean02 11
l
Tuesdays76 0
The cow gave OP the Stinky Eye.
AnagenisisZagus 13
109- Yes, yes you did. Congratulations. You all win. Woo-hoo. Now, go home.
crazerlee 0
nice
womanjesus 0
three wonderful attempts at humor ^
the_pan1c 5
didnt she see it coming?!
atlas22 0
I want a badass cow like dat :P
chickenfriedCG 0
that's a load of bull shit :) lol
nalia18 8
She was just trying to furtilize your eye so you can see beter. now whats wrong with that?
themanhw 0
wut a shitface, lol
thehillhaseyes8 2
duh doo ch
Crazy4Christ 0
Ur prof pic cracks me up!
skeezle 0
141 - you mean 3 successful attempts at humor :)
WOGBRO 6
Are talking about 147s yeah I almost died from laughing.
chickenfriedCG 0
your prof pic creeps me the he'll out.
chickenfriedCG 0
^hell. apparently auto correct does not speak of the devils homeland
SayItNicely 0
Do you happen to work at the same place as the person who asked for a bottle of milk? Then that wouldn't seem so weird...
germanturk 0
haha good one
isa2732 0
hahahaha nice
sexylol_fml 4
Hahah
chaosdragn16 2
That really stinks! :(
Mjfalcon 8
EPIC. you deserve a high-five.
Crucial347 0
it's hardly a reference the two posts are touching! my 3 year old can connect the dots between milk and cow :|
rawrchikarawr 0
Ouch :/
yougotapes 7
pink eye for sure...
mischiefkel 17
haha #1 I see what you did there!
robc32ca 4
wow good aim! how did it only get on your left eyeball? cows make pretty big patties!
flighted 1
........
lmaoatall 6
I'm saying bad aim. the cow was shooting for the mouth!
flighted 1
hey guys, ever think the cow's sh** landed ON HER FACE but on the side of her left eye? And why would think be fake? Shes a STUDENT VET so she doesn't know how to properly do things, and millions of people have been pooped on by cows as they learn how to properly milk one.
DropDead77 11
it's 4/20, your not supposed to go get shitfaced
apcfan009 0
^ win!
Sniper_Fidelis 1
Your doing it wrong.
britasif27 5
great one :)
Livinia 11
Cue the 'shitty situation' jokes.
rallets 23
youre too late
Livinia 11
Damn.
cobras40 0
o hey btw u might not wanna put ur head under the cows ass but rather to it's side when u milk it.
SteelCladAngel 0
not all farms have herringbone or open milking parlours the dairy I worked on the workers stood in a pit and the cows on the platform straight in a row with a catch tray behind them....(catch tray didn't always work though ) and we put the milkere between their hind legs
SteelCladAngel 0
not all farms have herringbone or open milking parlours the dairy I worked on the workers stood in a pit and the cows on the platform straight in a row with a catch tray behind them....(catch tray didn't always work though ) and we put the milkere between their hind legs
Tama_fml 13
then you'd know - cows lift their tails before anything comes out and in those few nanoseconds you get the hell out of there.
SteelCladAngel 0
most dairy farms remove all but an 8-12 chunk of the cows tail for cleanliness if the cow is above you with a poop tray and your head is in line with the udder it's not likely that you'll see the tail go up I got shat on a few times working on a dairy
gearsmaster 0
you know too much about cow shit. I think I speak for all of us and can safely say you worry us.
DaveOnDope 4
Ca Ca occurs.
xo_kat_xo 0
heh #9 u got a point
Tama_fml 13
And I lived on a dairy farm, and we didn't cut the tails off. I'm pretty sure docking tails on cows is as illegal as it is for dogs. but maybe that's just in scotland.
FreakyMySlinky 7
Docking a dog's tail isn't illegal in America...
cldean24 4
How were you stupid enough to let this happen? You milk a cow from it's side, why were you near its ass? I suppose from splatter, but I tend to move my face away from cow shit.
SteelCladAngel 0
http://www.epa.gov/agriculture/ag101/dairymilking.html look at the first image you milk from behind there is a catch tray behind the cow sometimes the cow is too short to reach the catch tray, resulting in shit on the platform, or the persons head/face/arm if they happen to be putting a milker on or treating a cow for mastitis or what's called 'killing a quarter'
SteelCladAngel 0
http://www.epa.gov/agriculture/ag101/dairymilking.html look at the first image you milk from behind there is a catch tray behind the cow sometimes the cow is too short to reach the catch tray, resulting in shit on the platform, or the persons head/face/arm if they happen to be putting a milker on or treating a cow for mastitis or what's called 'killing a quarter'
cldean24 4
Ah, I see. Guess I should have looked up using the milk pump before I opened my dumbass mouth eh? I've only ever done traditional milking.
SteelCladAngel 0
:) it's ok! a lot of people associate milking with hand milking or 'little house on the prairie/Amish situations', if they didn't grow up/around farms with machines doing the work. I probably would have thought the same if I hadn't been around larger scale farms since I was a very little girl :)
SteelCladAngel 0
:) it's ok! a lot of people associate milking with hand milking or 'little house on the prairie/Amish situations', if they didn't grow up/around farms with machines doing the work. I probably would have thought the same if I hadn't been around larger scale farms since I was a very little girl :)
cmyk 19
you dont milk from behind as the cow kicks. everyone who have worked on a farm know they got a blind spot straight behind and do kick. why its safer to stand next too it, not behind it.
TheDrifter 24
The milking machine I grew up with was operated from the side. The one in the link is an extremely poor design, with slight productivity increases well outweighed by it's drawbacks. Bu hey, it's a lot cheaper.
awardZu 0
Maybe it's just me, but we always hooked up our milker from the side. I don't know about huge dairy farms, but our smaller scale operation was apparently run differently. Side = no shit in your eye.
SteelCladAngel 0
we milked about 400 and milked from behind I never said all dairies milk from behind lol my uncle had a pit parlour where we milked from behind(400 milking cows) my dad, with less than 100 milking cows milks from the side I got kick more at my dads than at my uncles farm
SteelCladAngel 0
we milked about 400 and milked from behind I never said all dairies milk from behind lol my uncle had a pit parlour where we milked from behind(400 milking cows) my dad, with less than 100 milking cows milks from the side I got kick more at my dads than at my uncles farm
Bofferding_fml 6
"milk someone from behind" sounds kinda funny if you ask me...
redbluegreen 41
Was there something wrong with your right eyeball that persuaded her to aim for the left? Or was it more like udder chaos down there, OP?
Beebow_fml 5
Closer to anal rather than udder.