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Classic sitcom fodder

By Captain obvious - 14/04/2023 18:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I walked in on my wife in bed naked, with a guy I’ve never even heard of. At first she said, “It’s not what it looks like!” I told her I just saw her cheating on me with another man, to which she said, “Oh… it’s exactly what it looks like.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 467

You deserved it 153

By katnl21 - 08/11/2014 17:37 - Canada - Corner Brook

Today, I swapped out my maternity gown for a regular old t-shirt. My visiting mother-in-law called me a fatass and said I need to lose weight. I'd given birth just 40 hours earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 468

You deserved it 3 264

katnl21 tells us more.

katnl21 4

Sunday 9 November 2014 19:08

It was really offensive for her to say something like that. My mom and grandfather and boyfriend were in the room too, which made it even more humiliating. I didn't know what to say, I was in shock. My boyfriend led her out of the room, so the visit ended right then and there. I haven't seen or spoken to her since, and she hasn't seen her grand child either. I'm still working on an awesome comeback speech, I'm open to suggestions!

By Anonymous - 05/08/2013 05:33 - United States - Romulus

Today, I found out that the messages about the issues in my sex life that I'd been sending to my best friend had been sent to my mother via iMessage. She's coming over for dinner tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 064

You deserved it 9 035

By Vicky - 26/12/2009 20:47 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend went to kiss me as we were walking home. It was very icy and he slipped. His teeth went through my lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 188

You deserved it 2 934

By Earths_Venus - 25/12/2009 06:28 - Australia

Today, I sat for 3 hours at my boyfriend's Christmas celebrations. He has 22 cousins. They open presents one at a time. In silence. I got nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 314

You deserved it 3 497

By Not A Pervert - 04/11/2014 00:00 - United Kingdom - Peterborough

Today, while at work, I was shown CCTV footage of myself staring at the chest belonging to a teenager I was serving. I was accused of being a paedophile and nearly fired, all because I wanted to know what version of Spider-Man was on her T-shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 999

You deserved it 5 749

There's no justice

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my car got keyed because I was parked in a handicapped parking spot. I'm handicapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 906

You deserved it 2 634

Understandably so

By Sleepless in Fremantle - 27/02/2022 12:01 - Australia

Today, after having insomnia and also being constantly woken in the middle of the night by spam texts, I turned my notifications off and fell asleep, forgetting I had done so - until a few days later when I discovered my friends two day-old text telling me he has incurable cancer. I've apologized profusely, but he’s ghosted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 009

You deserved it 210

Send help

By Virginy - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I got stuck in my building's elevator. I pushed the emergency button, which made a ringing noise. After about half an hour, I heard someone yell, "Stop pushing that button, my kids are sleeping." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 162

You deserved it 2 663

By Anonymous - 27/09/2011 15:56 - United States

Today, my boyfriend still couldn't work out where my clitoris is. It's RIGHT THERE, you idiot. I've pointed it out, but each time it's like he needs a compass and a map or something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 737

You deserved it 13 016

Windshield blues

By Damnit - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today I noticed a large crack in my windscreen. Two weeks after getting it replaced. The warranty doesn't cover cracks. Several attempts were needed to replace it last time for reasons like losing the new windscreen and telling me they couldn't make it that day and turned up any way after I'd gone out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 287

You deserved it 233

True, but come on…

By scared to leave the house - 20/08/2012 09:14 - Canada - Williams Lake

Today, I was at Starbucks after having a rough day. The old man beside me was talking to his friend. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him point at me and say, "See that beautiful girl over there?" Flattered, I listened closer… until he finished his statement with, "She's gonna die." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 240

You deserved it 2 430

How? Why?

By Anonymous - 20/11/2020 02:02 - United States - Onancock

Today, after getting in bed after a long day, I decided I would relieve some tension. Just as I'm ready to pop, in walks my grandma. I explode. My grandma, without missing a beat, just says, "Get cleaned up and go to bed. It's after twelve o'clock, you have to work in the morning." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 110

You deserved it 372

Done for

By heathenhaha - 10/02/2017 13:21 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I became the center of attraction of my office floor after sending my resumé to my work Whatsapp group, asking them to share with their friends for job openings. My VP is owner of the group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 708

You deserved it 6 102

MY WIFE!

By Fmlloser - 07/03/2022 00:01

Today, I came home from work to find my things outside my yard and the door locks changed. I called my wife to let me in and she told me to go live with, “That homewrecking whore who texted you last night” instead. She’s talking about my cousin, who informed me via text that my aunt’s in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 488

You deserved it 112

By elijah - 17/08/2012 14:27 - United States

Today, my mom bitched me out, calling me a selfish pig and saying that the reason I don't have a girlfriend is because I'm so conceited. All of this because I started watching the latest episodes of Breaking Bad without her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 836

You deserved it 4 162

By nikko blue - 20/12/2009 07:52 - United States

Today, I decided to try whitening my teeth for the first time. I applied the strips to my teeth and decided to lay down and wait for the thirty required minutes to pass. I accidentally fell asleep and woke up three hours later. My teeth are still in excruciating pain and are covered in white streaks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 472

You deserved it 34 396

That's nice

By ouch - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was lying in bed with the worst stomach cramps ever. My boyfriend came, looked at me writhing in pain, and said, "Well at least if it's a tapeworm you'll get skinnier." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 764

You deserved it 3 904

By Anonymous - 21/09/2011 12:38 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend started to plan our wedding. We've been going out for 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 578

You deserved it 5 442

By caliibbyy - 29/11/2010 05:03

Today, I found out my best friend has a massive head lice infestation. It wasn't until after I'd used her hairbrush to brush my hair that I figured it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 109

You deserved it 7 255

By flurina - 18/12/2009 20:44 - Canada

Today, a woman pushed me at the bar and told me how much she's always hated me. She was my grade five teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 471

You deserved it 3 671

By gavinbanks - 21/07/2013 22:55 - United States - Medford

Today, I asked this really cute girl for her number. I had nothing else on me so I told her to write it on a dollar bill. Later, without thinking, I put it in a vending machine. I freaked out and frantically pushed the return button. It gave me back quarters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 780

You deserved it 26 686

gavinbanks tells us more.

gavinbanks 13

Saturday 24 August 2013 22:27

Hey everyone! Op here, thought I'd clear some things up. I had my phone on me but it was dead that night. I actually saw the girl again last night at another party, I told her the story and she have me her number again! Everything worked out for the best I guess, Thanks for the funny comments everyone!!!

By Anonymous - 20/09/2011 07:24 - Canada

Today, I walked in on my daughter trying to tan herself with her regular desk lamp. She won't believe that it wouldn't give her a tan. She's 16 years old. This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 279

You deserved it 5 163