Today, my mother was over visiting. My three year old ran out of my room chasing the cat with his toy. He smacked the cat with it, the cat scratched him, he dropped it and ran away. I was busy with the baby so I asked my mom to take the toy away. She walked back holding my pink dildo. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML
Today, my mom came into my room to have a heart-to-heart talk. My dildo was sitting on the nightstand. I didn't notice until she told me to make sure the dog didn't get it. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom in the bathroom, washing a dildo. FML
Today, my mother came over to check on my new kitten while I was at work. She took a video of the kitten playing on my bed and climbing on my nightstand. Right on top of my vibrator I forgot to put away. I'm not sure if she noticed or not but she's certainly been showing the video around. FML
Today, I went looking for a childhood doll - I remembered that my mum kept her in her bedside cabinet. I could see the doll at the back, but there was stuff in the way, so I reached in and took some of it out, only to find I was holding one of my mum's toys… a big black rubber cock. FML
Today, I had some unexpected alone time for the first time in months and decided to *ahem* play with an adult toy. As things were getting close to the end, my cat jumped up on the bed, saw the movement under the blanket and immediately pounced on my downstairs, puncturing certain delicate areas with his claws. FML
Today, I was trying to find my missing purple pen in the house I share with my boyfriend and his 57 year-old mother. I checked her room just in case, only to open a drawer and be greeted by a dildo. I’m never going to unsee that. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML
Today, I found out my mom sleeps in my room when I'm at college during the week. I discovered this my bumping into her dildo with my foot. FML
Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML
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Top comments
sourgirl101 29
He smacked the pussy with the *****? What has dad been teaching him?
DjeePee 25
YDI for letting something as personal as a ***** on a place where a three year old can grab it.
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Comments (87)
EvilDoll 7
at least she didn't borrow it
mak3_1t_ra1n 0
lol mushroom print!
LovesAPain 1
is the cat ok at least?
FunwithBumperCar 0
It's a feisty little pussy.
longcat 0
so he hit your pussy with a *****?
xiShawnx 0
42 way to steal sourgirl101's comment, dumbass.
idonthaveanameok 0
Ahhahahhahhhaah omg i laughed so hard reading this one.
fistnazal 10
ishawn name one of Robert Nesta's songs.. please
Brannie 4
there's a new meaning to the term "i beat the pussy"
DjeePee 25
YDI for letting something as personal as a ***** on a place where a three year old can grab it.
Tikwichka 5
If FML has taught us anything, it is that pets or children *will* find the bottom-drawer *****.
everlife_333 3
lol you make a good point.
romano07 0
7, now I know where your ***** is!! ;D
ImaginaryFoe 1
Can't they go in a box in the closet or something?
Iube 0
Thats to much work ;(
alex1432 9
I agree just keep it in you're twat, the kid will have a hard time finding that, there is a chance he might still, but a small one
Tikwichka 5
36, read the OP's username. *sigh*
GigglePony 13
YDI for raising a bastard child who abuses animals.
aerosenna 0
u deserve to get run over by a train u shitbag..
xxShinobi 0
Oh, yeah? Well...actually yeah, 24 basically covered it.
Raptor700RSE 3
agree
DelilahV 0
NOWHERE in this FML does it say she isn't married to his father...
sourgirl101 29
He smacked the pussy with the *****? What has dad been teaching him?
morgs1 0
omg awsome comment
VolcomTL 0
LOL.^
unomo 0
WIN!!!
furshur23 0
that just rocked my world
aaronsternberg94 0
awesome!:)
mysticwater 0
lol poor pussy
jknjonas 0
totally just made my day
crazynerual 0
lmfao great!
tylerlovejoy 0
FTW!!!
dzj 0
haha success!
trivel64 16
just...brilliant.
Lolpancakes 0
Poor spaghetti cat.
MnBran6 0
let us weep for him
Drunkbunny 2
You should use the ***** more often, to avoid having more babies that will eventually become three year olds.
KittehSayzRAWR 0
Is your pussy not horny? And why did it stratch your baby?
eatlesschipmunks 0
YDI for having a pink ***** and letting a 3 year old get it, get a man
xlossofmex 0
Uh, just because a woman has toys doesn't mean she doesn't have a man. Try having sex with the same person for several years and you will want to change things up. Toys can be great for foreplay and other things.
Tyrone78G 3
cheater!
perdix 31
Aw, that's cute -- all the ******* in the house share a toy.
noshtsherlock 0
hahahha. love it :D
redfayl 0
I favorited just because of this comment. lol
smallsmerry 0
he knew it was fora pussy good job!!!
MrForgetable 0
your pic is hysterical xD