The Top

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By Anonymous - 02/01/2015 22:46 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, it's my 40th birthday. I got two presents by mail: a jar of wrinkle cream from a market research company, and an ad from a funeral home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 189

You deserved it 2 575

Nice try

By haus - 19/01/2010 19:38 - United States

Today, I had to go to court to see whether my driver's license is suspended for an entire year. I woke up early, went to court, and everything went perfectly, with all the charges being dropped. Unfortunately, I then woke up, and am now going to be late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 300

You deserved it 31 587

TMI

By Disgusted - 05/07/2009 06:30 - United States

Today, I met my biological mother for the first time. I also found out from her husband that she has her nipples and nether regions pierced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 038

You deserved it 3 806

By hungry - 01/01/2015 05:50 - United States

Today, is the fourth day of my husband's and my new diet and exercise routine. I've already caught him eating junk food 4 times. He has lost 2 lbs and I've gained 3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 776

You deserved it 4 023

By Anonymous - 15/09/2013 04:02 - United States

Today, my teenage son tried to huff a can of spray paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 527

You deserved it 6 590

Conveniant

By habsgurl0622 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Piedmont

Today, I realized the only reason why my boyfriend spends the night with me is because my house is closer to his job than his, and so he saves money on gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 307

You deserved it 3 144

Confession

By Who knows - 19/02/2023 17:00 - Norway

Today, I sent my crush a confession about how dearly I missed him. He replied with a thumbs up emoji. FML

I agree, your life sucks 599

You deserved it 420

By beurk - 06/02/2015 05:18 - France - Paris

Today, in the magazine section of a bookstore, an old dude asked me politely to grab something that he couldn't reach. I did so with a smile, touched by his "nice old guy" demeanour, only glancing at the item in question as I handed it to him. It was a porn mag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 890

You deserved it 4 094

By Anonymous - 09/01/2011 20:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to serenade me with The Sex is Good by Saving Abel. According to him, "I have to fake it, I'd leave if I could. I'm not in love, but the sex is good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 657

You deserved it 4 067

Freakout

By maf811 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mother panicked and was about to report me missing when I didn't answer her calls while I was at a movie. I'm 31, and have lived on my own for over 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 399

You deserved it 2 843

The ick

By Rosalind - 14/07/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I realized my best friend has it bad for me. This man has treated me better than the guys I’ve dated. He goes above and beyond for me, and makes me feel safe, valued, and respected. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a guy, except he’s butt-ugly as fuck. I feel so bad that I can’t return his feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 866

Badass over here

By Morgan - 12/09/2020 23:01 - United States

Today, my sister burned herself on purpose with a curling iron. Why? She thought it would be cool to have a scar that "tells a story." My sister is 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 517

You deserved it 150

By wowdadreally - 23/12/2014 20:46 - United States - College Station

Today, while shopping with my father, I had to use the restroom. As soon as I opened the door to the men's room, my father yelled that it was the ladies' room. I then turned around and went through the other door, where I ended up getting bitch-slapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 731

You deserved it 6 483

By Jake - 02/10/2012 11:52 - United States - Athens

Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 664

You deserved it 2 820

By Prae - 01/10/2012 05:47 - United States - Dallas

Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 715

You deserved it 2 122

Leech

By HadEnough - 28/02/2023 18:00 - India - Hyderabad

Today, I asked my husband to be a little more responsible, pick up after himself, and spend a little less. I earn more than he does, so it's usually my money that he splurges. He has gone on a non-stop tantrum for the past 5 hours, giving me the cold shoulder, and shouting at me. What have I gotten myself into? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 017

You deserved it 212

By melikeyturtles - 02/11/2011 05:21 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's apartment to break up with him since he's always busy, and I haven't seen or spoke to him in almost 2 months. I arrived to find out from his landlord that he'd moved out 3 weeks ago, leaving a note saying that we were over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 333

You deserved it 8 426

TMI

By Anonymous - 04/01/2011 08:05 - Australia

Today, I took my daughter to the library instead of the pool. I sat her on the counter and, while I reached for my library card, she turned to the librarian and said, "We didn't go to the pool today because Mum has hairy legs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 700

You deserved it 13 498

The cable guy

By fmerunning - 29/06/2009 00:44 - United States

Today, the cable repairman came to fix my cable, which has never worked well. The entire time he was talking about how much extra money he got the "fat bitch who moved here 6 months ago" to pay for her cable. I moved in 6 months ago. I was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 272

You deserved it 3 483

Shut up, bitch!

By Anonymous - 03/12/2021 19:59

Today, I went to see Ghostbusters: Afterlife. A family talked through the whole movie, phones on, watching YouTube videos, totally interrupting the experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 170

You deserved it 167

By Andrew - 31/10/2011 04:04 - United States

Today, my fiancé and I got married. We both promised to remain abstinent until our wedding day. She's on her period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 928

You deserved it 9 933

Whack

By Anonymous - 31/12/2010 20:46 - United States

Today, I was making a snowman with my little cousin. I was collecting snow just outside the house, when out of nowhere a snowball struck me in the back of the head and caused me to headbutt the wall. I woke up a short while later to a medic telling me I had a nasty concussion. Thanks, cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 901

You deserved it 3 447

By ILuvYouSoldiers - 26/06/2009 07:57 - United States

Today, at the airport, my mom began talking about how useless the war in Iraq was, and how dumb the soldiers that serve there were for enlisting during the war. The soldier at the vending machine near us caught my eye. I mouthed, "Sorry" and he mouthed, slowly, "You fuckin' better be." FML

I agree, your life sucks 94 525

You deserved it 21 482

By Nick - 26/01/2010 21:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out I have a daughter. How did I find out? She added me on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 813

You deserved it 18 124

By 1Nsan3 - 13/12/2014 06:27 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after months of correcting him, I got so used to my boss calling me "Alex" that I didn't respond to my own name several times today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 364

You deserved it 3 665

1Nsan3 tells us more.

1Nsan3 11

Sunday 14 December 2014 7:47

Op here forgot to mention name tags break company dress code sadly

Grindset mindset

By Anonymous - 11/03/2023 22:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, and over the last week, I’ve spent about 10 minutes with my wife over 5 separate occasions because she is married more to her job than to me. And if anyone is interested those 5 occasions were unromantic sex because we’re trying to get pregnant, then straight back to her laptop to work more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 255

You deserved it 298

Brain fog

By dhskkf - 28/08/2013 00:23 - United States

Today, it was the day of my wedding. I had a massive headache a couple of hours before the ceremony so I decided to take a nap. I told my brother to wake me up an hour before it started. He forgot. Now everyone thinks I ran out on my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 709

You deserved it 7 378

By Fuzzy - 08/01/2010 07:56 - Australia

Today, I was watching Star Wars : Attack of the Clones, and Yoda was using the force to move a heavy object. While in the middle of my loungeroom, I instinctively put my hand up to use the force to help him, infront of my father and sister. My sister will never let me live it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 145

You deserved it 39 940

By pussyface96 - 19/09/2012 09:27 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I asked a girl I like to the movies. Wanting her to lean on me and stay in my arms during the movie, I chose a horror film. I screamed like a pussy the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 613

You deserved it 44 586

By Anonymous - 23/10/2011 20:35 - Netherlands

Today, I told my boyfriend I wouldn't be able to get any time off work to go to Mexico with him, and that we'd have to get our tickets refunded, and reschedule. He said not to bother, and that he already had someone else in mind to take with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 717

You deserved it 5 571

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years drunkenly proposed to me, while sitting on the crapper, with the door open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 289

You deserved it 4 879

Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 998

You deserved it 4 111

Today, my dad gave me a promise ring on my one-year anniversary with my boyfriend and made me swear I would wait until marriage. Four hours later, he walked in on us having sex in my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 720

You deserved it 265 913

Today, I found out my mom had been telling everyone how independent I was and just wanted to be left alone. I was homeless when I graduated valedictorian from high school and wondering why no one would let me stay with them, even when it was snowing. Now I know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 582

You deserved it 118

Today, I told my husband we could have a "him" day, visit the comic book and games stores, then watch anime. He refused to believe I was genuine, and asked what bad thing I did that I was trying to make up for. We ended up not doing any of it because he thinks I can’t be nice to him without a motive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 810

Today, I made the mistake of watching The Daily Show clip where Jon Stewart talks about losing his dog, and it made me think of my dog I lost. Then, right on cue, the song "Every Breath You Take" came on. Now I'm waiting for my doctor's office to open and sobbing in the car, with people staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 224