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Better feel like shit than dead

By SirEnigM0nk - 16/12/2022 00:00 - United States - Parkville

Today, while preparing to celebrate my daughter's second birthday, we all discovered we got a present: COVID. We're all vaccinated, but still feel like shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 401

By cmolloy - 21/12/2011 14:40 - Ireland

Today, I texted a friend offering my condolences over the death of his grandfather. He hadn't been told his grandfather had died yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 368

You deserved it 4 488

Main attraction

By kcountry92 - 02/10/2021 05:01 - United States - Archie

Today, my mother thought it would be a wonderful idea to make me late for me own wedding. It wouldn't be so bad if she hadn't focused solely on my sister because my wedding didn't center on her. The sister in question snubbed being my maid of honor over a year ago, and just decided to randomly show up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 147

You deserved it 91

Dude, WTF!

By skygoddess - 28/07/2009 07:29 - United States

Today, I was at my job as a flight attendant. A passenger on my plane stopped breathing and turned blue. As I cleared his airways and was busy strapping an oxygen mask to his face, the passenger behind him tried to hand me her trash. Apparently I'm a walking trash can, no matter what I'm doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 605

You deserved it 3 347

By Anonymous - 19/12/2011 07:35 - Canada

Today, while sleeping, my foot was stabbed by something in my bed and I woke up to it bleeding. I looked around for the cause and found nothing. Now I'm afraid to go to sleep because it might happen again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 959

You deserved it 2 783

By overthehorizon - 27/07/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, I thought I would surprise my dad by mowing our entire two acre lawn. When he got home, instead of being grateful like I had hoped, he yelled at me for cutting in vertical lines instead of horizontal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 580

You deserved it 4 216

By notsolucky - 12/02/2011 15:01 - Canada

Today, I woke up at 11:11am. I was happy because I thought it was a sign that it was going to be a good day. I then realized that I was over an hour late for a job interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 953

You deserved it 31 317

By Anonymous - 16/12/2011 22:02 - United States

Today, I discovered that for the last six months my mother has been leaving my TV on FOX while I sleep, in the hope that my subconscious will absorb it and turn me into "a morally-upright human being". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 243

You deserved it 5 083

By Gem - 11/02/2011 10:59 - Australia

Today, my Dad thought "Joseph" and "Francis" were two people hacking our internet. They are actually the names of my laptop and iPod, which have now been blocked from using our modem. He can't figure out how to unblock them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 579

You deserved it 27 352

By nosrepamai82 - 26/07/2009 04:28 - United States

Today, I found out that my husband made a replica of our family on The Sims 3. I also found out he killed me off a couple weeks ago and made a new wife, KiKi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 661

You deserved it 6 009

By Ad-s - 14/01/2009 05:01 - France

Today, I got together with a small gathering of friends in a bar. I go up to the bar to order something, but with all the music and noise, the barman can't hear what I'm trying to say, so he leans forward, cocking his ear towards me. For some reason, I thought he was being friendly so I kissed him as if we were saying hello to each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 443

You deserved it 22 899

Pissed

By wurtabang - 09/02/2010 05:27 - United States

Today, I was at one of the urinals in a bathroom. A chubby kid goes to the urinal next to mine and starts peeing violently. Apparently, he was peeing so violently that it splashed onto my legs the whole time. I picked the wrong day to wear shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 486

You deserved it 3 116

Free hugs

By Anonymous - 25/07/2009 05:19 - United States

Today, I was walking down the strip with a friend when we saw a homeless man with no arm. I felt bad, so I gave him some cash and I looked into his poor little eyes when he put out his arm for a hug. Without thinking, I hugged him. Right as I was thinking, "WTF am I doing?" he kissed my boob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 686

You deserved it 53 210

By oh... - 20/10/2013 20:34 - United States - Springfield

Today, I realized that when my dad said he would pay for my college, he really meant that he was going to forge my signature on a student loan in my name and not make payments on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 434

You deserved it 3 612

By um - 08/02/2011 00:54

Today, I told my new boss to wish his daughter a happy birthday on my behalf, as I overheard him saying it was today. Turns out she committed suicide three years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 565

You deserved it 8 013

By Anonymous - 02/01/2009 18:06 - France

Today, I have dark hairs growing on my chest, nipples and stomach... I'm a 19 year old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 453

You deserved it 3 522

By sorry :/ - 08/02/2015 18:28 - United States - Monroe Township

Today, my drunk mom told me to apologize for being born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 103

You deserved it 3 013

By Anonymous - 12/12/2011 06:00 - United States

Today, my mother refused to agree with any of my logic because it's "not in The Bible." She can't find any fault with it, just refuses to agree with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 804

You deserved it 3 889

Yada yada yada

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 02:00

Today, I asked my husband how much he loved me and he refused to answer, because he was convinced I was using some unfair logic to start an argument, simply because I wanted to argue over something, anything. I later realised he was probably right. I’m an awful person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 258

You deserved it 1 779

By Isabell - 06/02/2010 05:31 - Australia

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 829

You deserved it 5 888

By emogurl - 22/07/2009 05:47 - United States

Today, I returned from a month-long stay in a psych ward for severe depression and suicide attempts. The first words my friends say to me when I call them and let them know I'm out? "Does this mean you're not gonna be so emo? 'cause that was really annoying." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 940

You deserved it 28 201

By Anonymous - 12/11/2008 08:10 - France

Today, I dropped my keys in the sewer. The spare ones are inside my locked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 968

You deserved it 11 425

By Anonymous - 15/10/2013 20:16 - United States - Chicago

Today, my fiancé's best friend, who will be our best man at our wedding, decided to confess his feelings for me and tell me how he's always dreamed of us eloping together. The wedding is going to be awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 945

You deserved it 3 343

By burned - 03/02/2015 20:45

Today, I found out that my 4-year-old son is truly convinced that I am a ghost. He also thinks that I died from burning, "because of your face". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 008

You deserved it 2 398

By childdreamkiller - 08/12/2011 17:41 - Canada

Today, I took my daughter to see Santa at the mall. When I went to pick her up from Santa's lap, my watch snagged on his beard, pulling it off in front of my daughter and about twenty kids in line. My daughter still isn't speaking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 322

You deserved it 5 204

By confused - 04/02/2010 16:12 - France

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years spent a whole hour making me promise that if he ever died, I would never try to find someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 177

You deserved it 4 557

He's a keeper

By Anonymous - 11/01/2023 12:00 - United States

Today, I got the news that my ex-boyfriend from two years ago died in a car crash. My fiancé found me crying in the living room when he came home from work. When he found out why I was inconsolable, he said, "Make sure you say hi to that abusive turd in hell for me, thanks for everything." He is now staying at a hotel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 1 644

Keeper

By Janice - 27/05/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I found out that when my now ex-fiance said he “needs time to think about it” when he got cold feet at our wedding, he meant he needed time to screw his hot young coworker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 590

You deserved it 161

Sleeping beauty

By angryinlaws - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, after almost two days, I finally fell asleep, during my husband's vows, on our wedding day, in front of 250 guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 588

You deserved it 12 229

By isystuff - 01/02/2011 05:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me and left me crying in the street. I then got a text from my mom saying how pathetic my love life was. Apparently, it was a mass text message and she accidentally added me to the list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 372

You deserved it 3 276

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The Top

Today, while on vacation, my parents called to inform me that my best friend had died in a car accident. Why? To trick me into tearfully confessing my love for him. It worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 458

You deserved it 4 848

Today, I found a surveillance camera in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 429

You deserved it 4 122

Today, I told my girlfriend I have only one testicle. Her reaction? "Eeew, balls are gross!" I'm glad to know I'm only half as gross as other guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 472

You deserved it 3 483

Today, I brought back the puppy I adopted for my family. I spent months doing all the research on puppy care with two young children, and at least five hundred dollars for the dog, the supplies, toys… the whole lot. Turns out everyone's allergic to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 201

You deserved it 8 528

Today, I found out I'm pregnant after 14 years of being told I'll likely never have kids. My fiancé has a 7 year-old child with a woman who used it to stop him from leaving her. Yesterday, she filed a false report/restraining order to keep him from his kid, because he refused to leave me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 912

You deserved it 202

Today, I asked my husband if it was a good time to think about having kids. His response was, "ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NEVER." I’ve always wanted to be a mom and he knows that. I feel like I’ve wasted my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 564

You deserved it 638