Today, I woke up and realized I'd experienced my first "nocturnal emission". I'm a 24 year-old guy who has been married for 3 months. Guess who isn't getting any. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had the most action in months when I woke up to a wet dream. I'm married, I guess that tells you all about my sex life. FML
Today, after 5 years of no intimate, sexual contact with a woman, I finally got my chance. Unfortunately, I also discovered that I have full-on erectile dysfunction. I'm 23 years old. FML
Today, at last, my husband instigated sex for the first time since the honeymoon a few months ago when he started fondling me in bed. Then I realised he was asleep. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my man juice all over me. I'm 40 years-old, and haven’t had a wet dream since my early high school days. The worst part is that the only dream I remember involved going to the DMV. FML
Today, I woke up for the third time in a row from a wet dream about my ex-girlfriend. I'm currently on my honeymoon. FML
Today, I woke up from my honeymoon to discover the love of my life is a bed wetter. FML
Today, as a 26 year-old woman, I had my first orgasm. I gave it to myself. None of my long-term relationships even came close. For almost 26 years I thought I would never have one. FML
Today, I slept in my boyfriend's room for the first time. I also wet the bed for the first time in a decade. FML
Today, I've been married for six months, my husband and I are in our early twenties, and not only does he have absolutely no interest in any kind of sexual act with me, he actually becomes angry and irritated when I try to come on to him. FML
Today, I woke up from a night of crazy drunken sex with a guy I had met at a friends 23rd birthday party. The lights had been off when we had stumbled in to his house the night before. When I opened my eyes today, the first thing I saw was his family picture, complete with his wife and son. FML
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Top comments
vrock 0
Wow, its bitches like you that make me love my girlfriend
allmidnighteyes 11
Is your "BF", by any chance, the hamster in your profile picture?
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Comments (76)
FMLmuchly 0
yur wife must be a realll catch btw #1
NoNameForM3 0
YOU COULD HAVE JUST SAID "WET DREAM" FFS you made me search in google....
Enoch134 0
lol and me to m8
WTF_WantToFly 0
hhahahahahha I was about to google too
jrkarikas 0
got my 1st wet dream at 11. started jizzing at 12. ur wife is probably unsatisfied.
ZleveL 0
I had only one wet dreamsnd I was thirteen, started jizzing at 10 :p
TripleD76 1
hahaha I was just about to google it too then I was like "hey, somebody probably commented wat it means" lol
TheAPPLESLAVE 4
Wtf bit young don't ya think???
jess_1193 13
OMG same here I was about to look it up and was like nah someone already would have! HA!
gecko13 0
-90day annullment...
bulletetl 3
wow! I can relate, newly wed, 24, and have my 3rd nocturnal emission in the last 6 months! I never had on in my life before living with the new wife.. fml too!
joeyisinsane 0
ydi for not eating watermelon
saunder 0
and how was it?
me5 0
Can't believe!
itouchguy360 3
I think she is hot and your brain is trying to tell you something! Have sex with her whenever you can!
duck2121 0
Whats a nocturnal emission?
blland 0
night ****, sleep cum, wet dream... I just repeated myself and what I'm saying is redundant.
perdix 31
Are you on Ambien or something? Were you standing over her sleepwanking when you had this supposed "nocturnal emission?" And duck2121, this is the Internet -- here, we answer our own questions about general information. Learn to Google (or, God forbid, Bing). You'll be better for it.
ZleveL 0
>.> <.< YAY IM THE FIRST ONE TO REPLY TO PERDIX!!!!!
spazz666 18
^and yet you didn't even reply to his comment... Perdix, I usually don't google anything when I'm reading FML because I'm a teenager and lazy. Besides, someone always comments saying the definition or meaning of the phrase/word I'm questioning. ;D
hnxieyi 0
I can't belive it...
bombtastic 10
boohoo you aren't getting laid. grow up. if you thought marriage meant unlimited sex, be ready to become disappointed. maybe ***** going on with her body or something, or maybe she just isn't in the mood because you aren't putting any effort into it. you want us women to **** you, do something other than strip and be like okay your turn and be lazy throughout the process. kthx :)
BoWZeR 1
u probably don't get any cuz ur ******* ugly
stephyhull 4
Woah calm down :|
vrock 0
Wow, its bitches like you that make me love my girlfriend
alimayBVB182 0
Someone pissed in her cornflakes
JacksBBQ 2
Settle down, crazy.
hollyl925 15
You make it sound like your sex life is nearly non-existant if existant at all.
ifuckuprandomly 28
******* feminists...