Today, I came home to my empty apartment. My girlfriend had left a note on the floor that said: "Took my stuff and left. Took your stuff and pawned it." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got home and found all my things thrown out into the yard, including the stuff from my mancave, which I spent thousands of dollars on. Apparently, my girlfriend stopped for a visit while my wife was home. I’d stupidly given her a key. Turns out my wife called out sick today. FML
Today, my roommate of a year and good friend of several more decided to move out. When I came home from a long work shift, I found all the cupboards emptied out of everything, including all the new stuff I bought to replace what she was going to take with her. FML
Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read, "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after a year of living together. She told me that she met someone else and wanted to move out. She moved out... but moved her things into my roommate's bedroom. FML
Today, I was sleeping in after working a graveyard shift. I awoke to my girlfriend sneaking her stuff out of the house. She planned on leaving her key on my pillow and taking off without any notice whatsoever. FML
Today, my girlfriend called me and told me she "had a surprise for me when I got home" in a sexy voice. So I hurried home, only to find a note saying she left me and took my dog. Deeply depressed, I went into the living room. She took my TV also. FML
Today, my boyfriend moved out and took all his things with him. He also took some things that didn't belong to him, namely my rent money. My landlord comes tomorrow. FML
Today, my girlfriend did the whole "break up with your boyfriend and kick him out of the house" thing from the movies. Except it's my house. She kept my stuff. FML
Today, my ex-girlfriend moved out. I came back to a sparsely furnished home; she'd even taken the shower head, my beard trimmer, and the soap from the bathroom. FML
Today, I came back to my apartment after moving most of my stuff out. Upon returning, I learned that my now ex-roommate drank all of my alcohol and threw away my things, thinking that I had forgotten them. FML
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Top comments
SorrowFull 8
Turn her ass in. Theft is theft.
Midrash 5
Send her a text saying "took our naked pic n youtubed it"
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Comments (282)
Begiz 12
Aw sucks man :p
dre_bro11 12
Never underestimate the power of a female, OP. They're very cunning..
YourEvilHero 12
aaaaaaah nooo she ditnt'. •finger snap• •lip smack•
ikickgingers 15
19 - in the same respect, men are also.
amoscore 5
This FML reminds me of a song by Yellowcard. Hahaha.
dre_bro11 12
25, I know what you mean, and unfortunately that small minority of the male gender degrades the entire group.
Georgieeporgiee 9
Pawn her face
ry_ry7 4
27 - "Empty Apartment!" Ironically, the lyrics are very fitting for this situation. Poor dude though. I hope he gets everything back. And I hope she gets everything she deserves.
isitinmybedroom 11
One awesome word sue
Keyman1212 14
Pawn stores are required to keep items for thirty days in the back in case it's a stolen item. File a police report, and beat the bitch at her own game without having to exert all the effort she used.
shelbygordon44 7
I think OP should watch Pawn Stars to see if his stuff appears. just saying
enonymous 9
Op is a guy 5 minutes at Ikea and all of his furniture will be back and some Gooseberries for dinner
tjv3 10
file charges for theft and then get all your stuff back and let the pawn shop go after her for the money
Mean_Mr_Mustard 9
By "pawned" OP's ex-girlfriend means "gave to the drug dealer selling crack on the corner for a bag-o-crack" and by "girlfriend" OP means "hoe s/he be pimpin"(yes, I know that was not correct grammar or spelling)
tona01 16
I'm surprised no one made puns out of this FML, so i'll make it -OP you just got pwnd
YouFailForLife 7
It doesn't take cunning to steal someone's property and sell/pawn it out of spite while the victim is away and oblivious to what's happening. In fact, what the OP's girlfriend did was cowardly and despicable. OP should definitely report his stolen property and have the note the girlfriend wrote as evidence.
kpohil 13
19 cunning? she stole stuff. just call the cops and you can get ur things back.
SorrowFull 8
Turn her ass in. Theft is theft.
Ray_of_midnight 23
Yeah, this--and this should be pretty much a slam-dunk for the cops, since she left a written confession.
lysx84 24
Agreed.
bhangu023 0
Exactly, I've got all the proof you need!
jallred254 4
Yeah but how can he prove she wrote it? She didnt sign it. The only way would be to have her confess to writing her confession.
missamazinggg 12
OP could of been stupid and had everything in both names. It wouldn't be stealing then.
tennisrapper1 14
I agree sue her if you can! FYL
zyxwvutsrqponmlk_fml 0
98 - As much a could've sounds like could of, could of is broken English, could have would be an appropriate replacement
witchdoctor1 9
There's such thing as DNA. And compared writing. Like a finger print our writing styles are unique
jallred254 4
Yeah but the pawn shop can't give you that info until you have some kind of court order and you'll need a signed confession.
Daralea 21
So if OP went to the police with a handwritten note, they wouldn't make any effort to match that to the girlfriend so OP could get the stuff back? That just doesn't seem right.
MhaiMhai 0
Hell yeah get the bitch arrested >:)
tdog567 0
194- Thank you
Zebediabolical 45
They would probably go to the pawn shop and look at the video. It's a pretty standard security measure these days. Quicker and cheaper than a handwriting analyst.
kpohil 13
correct pawnshops wont share the videos with costumers however they will with police. still 2 is right cal the cops
cnastydawg 0
That's ****** up
markrs 0
This reminds me of that song F@ck You and the girl version F@ck You Right Back
DenBriZel 31
I highly doubt it. We don't get the whole story. He probably did something to deserve it, like cheating or something. Girls don't 'normally' randomly do shit like that.
tuxedoandex 28
Maybe he did something horrible like, I dunno, didn't spend $10,000 on her dream jewelry? Girlfriends can be insane at times.
Midrash 5
Send her a text saying "took our naked pic n youtubed it"
theduff 0
Don't you mean 4chaned it.
gntfmlingnow 12
55 - you just broke rule number 1
AlejandraaxD 0
What if they never took any naked pictures? Just sayin'.
sirhobothesecond 3
Are you retarded?
hoodasswhitekid 0
Yes.
exleonhart 0
Poke her best friend.
exleonhart 0
With your wiener.
DKjazz 20
Oh okay. I think I get it now.
james_aka_frosty 3
In the mouth
nateylovesporn 1
go to your nearby pawn shop and report all the stuff she pawned stolen.
Eskeddit 5
Well I hope for consolation that you at least took her virginity.
miserypoison 13
What a hoe.
Canchan 12
Take her ass to court!!! That note is all you need!
missamazinggg 12
Hey guys, he can't exactly turn her in. Her name isn't on the note, or OP just didn't say it was. The police could just think, and most likely will in this poor economy, that OP wrote it himself to get money. Her stuff is gone too, so there's no proof of her even living there.
salvorican 24
She has her stuff. And I'm sure there are witnesses to prove that they were living together
theghost1309 11
Not to mention the apartments office probably has a record of her living there. They may even have camera evidence.
cameron194 9
forensic signature analyst ... same concept as bullet striation .. take that note, get her to write the exact same sentance on a piece of paper and then compare the two.. case closed
harlequin360 3
all else fails, drive a car through her living room
Samus_Aran_fml 0
seems like a great last solution to me.
Blueboty 3
Beautiful
ciarafox9 9
Way to make an exit..
wdawson 0
U would say that u ungrateful bitch!
ciarafox9 9
That doesn't make sense..
kabocha_cookie 0
That's horrible! But I'm almost curious as to why she did that. Super awful person or super ticked at her new ex? Still, sorry all your stuff is gone.
emag_eht 18
But she was the one who broke up with him. Unless she found out about him going around or something.
Jasonf6 0
It doesn't matter what he did or didn't do, what she did is illegal.