Today, I was told that I wasn't "long-term material" by a guy who has the words "white trash" tattooed across his knuckles. FML
missnettymarie tells us more.
Hey OP here. Thanks for all the comments. They seriously made me laugh my ass off haha. The guy was/is actually a really great person and is very kindhearted. They tattoos are in no way an accurate representation of his character. When I made this post I was admitedly feeling all butt hurt and rejected so I guess I decided to be a dirt bag and post about it on social media. In all reality it wasn't that big of a deal and I have definitely since moved on.
Today, a student set me on fire while I was lecturing my class about proper lab safety. FML
Today, I saw a kid taking a dump next to my lawn. The good news: his mother picked up the poop to discard it. The bad news: she put it in my mailbox. I now have a pile of smelly brownish tissue-wrapped goo baking under the hot sun inside my mailbox. FML
Today, my sister told me she is getting married and asked me to be the Co-Maid of Honor. Who is the first maid of honor? Her cat. She is serious. FML
Today, after giving my kids a lengthy bedtime lecture about the merits of being responsible, I thought about all the chores I had left to do, promptly ate ice cream in the shower, and went to bed. FML
Today, as it's been a long time since I've been with a woman, I decided to enlist the services of an escort. Upon my arrival, she looked at me and said, "Honey, we are going to need a bottle of whiskey and an extra $100." FML
Today, I stumbled across my school bully on Facebook. She's a successful business owner and engaged to be married. I can't land a job and am hopelessly single. The b***h that served as the catalyst for my depression and suffered no repercussions is getting married on my birthday. FML
Today, I was feeling a little frisky and started making out with my husband on our couch. He had just taken off my shirt when a strange smell hit my nose. I turned my head and saw my alcoholic neighbor with a cigarette in his hand, watching the entire thing unfold. FML
Today, I was clearing out the garage when a large bouncy ball rolled into the drive. Only when I blasted it full force with my foot and collapsed did I realise it was actually a bowling ball. Two of my toes are broken. FML
Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML
Today, I found out about my sister's insanely detailed plan to abduct my one-year-old son and raise him as her own on another continent. All my mom did was tell me not to worry because she can't afford to move that far away. FML
Dnamei tells us more.
Dnamei 20
OP here, made an account so I can answer some questions. My sister is 26, I'm 22. We got along pretty good, untill I met and married my husband and started a family. She lives with my parents, and is in a very bad relationship. When I met my husband, my sis tried to get me grounded (!) and tried to convince my parents not to let me see him. She also tried to blackmail me into not seeing him. She was against the marriage, and cried and screamed when she learned I was pregnant, saying I don't deserve what she doesn't have, claiming it won't be special when she has a baby because she wasn't the first to give my parents grandchildren (my parents don't think that way, they'll love every grandchild). My son is a very sweet and charming little guy, he sleeps through the night, is always happy, eats everything, rarely gets sick, crawls,... He's a very easy baby to care for, and everyone loves him and he loves everyone. The plan I found was in a notebook, while helping my parents clean out the attic. It included my husbands workschedule, and the days my son goes to daycare. Also what my son eats and his medical reccord. Her country of choice is Australia. A few days before this discovery, she asked me if she could take my boy to the zoo, alone. I refuses because he had a slight fever, and I'm very happy I did. My son has a kids-ID, my sister isn't allowed to be alone with him anymore, and I alerted the daycare to NEVER let her take him home. When I confronted her, she said it was just a joke, she was just 'messing with her little sister'. The notebook was hidden in a pile of schoolnotes, if we didn't clean the attic, we'd never know. Sorry for the long text, and sorry for my english. Ps: My dad was close to the airport when the bomb went of, but he didn't get hurt. My family and friends are scared and shaken, but safe. We mourn for the victims
Today, my girlfriend and I got caught doing it in her parents' bed by her mom. Instead of making me leave, they forced me to stay for dinner. FML
Today, my friend invited me, his girlfriend, and the girl I like over to his house to hang out. We hoped it would get me closer to my crush. The day ended with them having a threesome and me locked out. FML
Today, I finally met the cute guy that I've been talking to for the last 3 weeks. Turns out "5'8"" was a really big exaggeration for "5"3' in boots'. FML
SunDown2015 tells us more.
SunDown2015 26
I'm the OP. So, let's be clear: I'm "5'6" and height isn't a big deal for me. What was important to me was that he lied. He also showed up to our meeting stoned off his ass, and then proceeded to throw a muddy basketball at me (which got all over my new shirt). Definitely not Prince Charming. I got out of there ASAP! I guess online dating just isn't my cup of tea. Thanks for the FML though! :)
Today, I learned that my friends nicknamed me Snow White, not because I’ve got dark hair and very pale skin, but because I “only hook up with tiny dudes”. FML
Today, whilst cleaning the living room, I heard snickering coming from my bedroom. My two nephews had found my "play cupboard" and were blowing up condoms like balloons. FML
Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML
Today, I asked a short girl to prom by making a "You must be this tall to say no" sign. She grabbed a chair, stood on it, and then said no. FML
Today, I went to my kid's band concert. She's 12 and in the advanced team. They were the first ones to play and they were so incredibly bad that I laughed. Really, really loud. I was escorted out of the recital. FML
Today, I heard my boyfriend of 3 months talking with his friend, not knowing I could hear them. "Tonight's the night," my boyfriend says. "I'm finally going to tell her I love her!" I got really excited, deciding i loved him too. Then his friend says, "Awesome! But what about Kayla?" I'm Kayla. FML
Today, I took my new boyfriend to my step-sister's wedding. He knew more people there than I did, including 3 bridesmaids he used to sleep with. FML
Today, while blowing my nose after being bunged up for days, it finally unblocked. A solid slimy multicoloured booger roughly the size of a grape shot out, blew right through the tissue and landed on my manager's shoe. Hell hath no fury like a lady sneezed upon. FML
Today, after I moved into my new 1930's house, my elderly rescue dog raised her hackles and stared at the wall behind my bed for two full minutes. I thought she might have recognized something from her old job. She's a retired cadaver dog. I guess I'm never sleeping, again. FML
Today, my horse and I got into a disagreement over the jumps. I thought "we" should be going over them. He thought "I" should be going over them instead. FML
Today, I was at the Kings Avalanche game in Denver. Anže Kopitar scored a hat trick and people threw hats in. Someone ripped my own hat off my head and tossed it on the ice. It was a gift from my dead grandparents with my name stitched onto it. I’ve had it for 15 years. FML
Today, my husband and I hosted Easter dinner. Since I was in my own home, I breastfed without a cover. My sister-in-law stormed out in a rage, screaming that I was being obscene, and equated it to shooting heroin in front of her kids. Happy Easter indeed. FML
Today, I fell and impaled my leg on a steel rod at work. The first guy to respond to my agonised cry for help must’ve been a total moron because he thought it was a prank and yanked on the rod to see how it worked. Then he asked if I did it on purpose to get a day off. FML
Today, I'm facing malpractice charges for neglecting a patient and failing to treat an infection. The patient had severe maggot-infested gangrene in his foot with exposed metatarsals, but refused amputation and all treatment. The judge is moving forward with the charges. FML
Today, my boss created a WhatsApp group called "Forever Alone", added me and only me, and then left so that I could be the only person in the group. FML
Today, I signed for a delivery for my mom and something inside started to vibrate. I can't leave it because if she gets home and it's still vibrating she'll know I know what it is, but if I open it to turn it off, she'll know I've opened it and know what it is. Someone help me. FML
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