Today, I learned that my friends nicknamed me Snow White, not because I’ve got dark hair and very pale skin, but because I “only hook up with tiny dudes”. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I discovered I have really bad dandruff. I learned this when I went indoor mini golfing and my whole upper body lit up like a Christmas tree underneath the black light. Among my friends I'm now known as The Abominable Snowman. FML
Today, I overheard my girlfriend talking to her friends, saying the most attractive guys are tall and dark-skinned. I'm about average height and pale. Uh-oh. FML
Today, I found out that since I stopped shaving my legs, my boyfriend and his friends have started referring to me as a Wookiee. FML
Today, I found out that ever since I got my blonde highlights, I've been mocked behind my back at work, and nicknamed "The Skunk". FML
Today, I learned that everyone at college was calling me "Parallel Lines" because I've got an unibrow and an apparent hairiness over my mouth. By the way, I'm a girl. FML
Today, I found out my friends call me 'Shamu the whale' behind my back. FML
Today, I saw the guy I have a crush on kissing a blonde chick. He'd turned me down because he “wasn’t into blondes”. I’m a blonde myself. When I confronted him about it, he told me, “Oh, I should have been more specific. I’m not into blondes who have a face like Sid the Sloth and a body like Shamu.” FML
Today, I realized that I’m undateable because of my weight. I’m 33. My entire life, I’ve always been dated in secret, guys went out with me to make fun of me behind my back, always got cheated on, always get friendzoned, etc. It’s not fair that I have to change my body type to get my chance at happily ever after. FML
Today, I walked into work and overheard three of my female coworkers talking and laughing about how ugly my face is, and how they’re sorry for whoever has to marry me. They went on to name the coworkers they actually would sleep with. I’m 25 and I've still never had a girlfriend. Thanks for the self-esteem boost. FML
Today, now that I've lost a significant amount of weight, all the guys that turned me down saying they “liked me as just a friend” all of a sudden are in my DMs saying, “Hey beautiful” and asking me out on a date. Nice to know I’m only liked for my body. FML
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Top comments
Dave_Davington 35
Just to clarify, what exactly do they mean by "tiny"? Because this could go one of two ways.
Burkiie45 10
Well if it makes you feel any better people say I look like Lord Farquaad from Shrek
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Comments (55)
feme_fatale 19
Hopefully most of them are Happy after?
PaulieXP 16
Do they work in a mine?
Sir_ND_Pity 35
Where a million diamonds shine? (Someone else tell me they remember the song in the movie...)
Dave_Davington 35
Just to clarify, what exactly do they mean by "tiny"? Because this could go one of two ways.
AlmostDiffident 9
Probably anything under six feet.
MookiePJ 8
Or inches
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
What hell version of Snow White were you watching that involved tiny guys when it didn't mean their height?
JosephKorso 15
Technically, it can go both.
Burkiie45 10
Well if it makes you feel any better people say I look like Lord Farquaad from Shrek
nix1993 41
Just her type then?
leafynitemare 24
Stephen, is that you?
Burkiie45 10
There was a kid named Stephen in my class who called me that but that isn't me
gamermonster 34
I saw your profile picture and holy shit, you really look like him
sgit 5
your profile picture ?
_Peppermint_ 34
Snow White never hooked up with any of the dwarves anyway
SiraSiemens 21
geez i just realized that the only name of a disney prince i know is philipp from sleeping beauty and eric from ariel. whats snow whites princes name?
kutiekimari 11
His names Ferdinand. lol.
Moonfate 16
That's only in the children's version
tj4234 36
You should read the original story. It's very dark.
heheitscece 16
in Disney, its more popularly known as Florian, but some people do call him Fernidad. I'm way too obsessed with Disney to NOT know this stuff
OnlySkyrimStays 11
In the original story, she did a lot more than just hook up with them. It gets pretty grisly in places. Disney just made their fairytales child friendly.
Flyndaran 10
I think only his kids are allowed to call him Fernidad. ;)
vOIDmASS 13
They obviously don't think you have high HOpes for your significant other. But still, It's pretty dopey for your friends to judge you like this, especially if these guys make you happy, and hey, at least you're not bashful about who you date cghjjd...sorry I sneezed while typing - better go see the doc. Chin up OP don't let your friends opinions put you in a grumpy mood. Man look at the time, off to work...and I'm still so sleepy....*cringe
heheitscece 16
this is the best thing I've ever read, thank you for posting this
Birdie27 11
creativity win!
pepeneki 15
""Dopey"" pun intended?
kashers 11
#6 Don't you think it would have been less effort to delete your typo errors instead of explaining them? ?
Tripartita 45
So, OP, are you doing anything after the FML? 'Cause if not, maybe you and I could go o—NOTHING. Never mind! I'm average size! It's… I'm… Never mind!
moodyreallyrocks 27
Stay strong OP!!
Tripartita 45
The battle is tough, but together, we can FIGHT the scourge that is… having a fairly mundane nickname… Wait, what is she supposed to be staying strong against?
Burle 17
A
Mightyrif 23
B
buckdharma 38
Yeah, it's Prince. Remember me? Hi ho, hi ho, yeah I been feelin' low My fevers high, so my doc came by Mono.... mono, mono, mono