Today, I signed for a delivery for my mom and something inside started to vibrate. I can't leave it because if she gets home and it's still vibrating she'll know I know what it is, but if I open it to turn it off, she'll know I've opened it and know what it is. Someone help me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I needed money to go to the movie. I asked my mom if I could reach in her purse and grab a few bucks. When I opened up her purse her phone started to vibrate. I yelled over to my mom that her phone was ringing. She said the phone was next to her. I looked in the purse. It was a vibrator. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I realized that the vibrator we bought got sent to his parents house. He picked it up from them, brought it home, and we discovered that they had already opened the package. They even tried to hide the evidence by re-taping it. FML
Today, I wanted to try my mom's new lipstick. I opened it, baffled, examined it carefully. That's when it started to vibrate. Obviously, that wasn't a lipstick. FML
Today, I handed my mother-in-law my phone to see the toy that I was going to get for my nephew. While she had the phone, it swiped away to my last search of… vibrators and sex toys. I have no idea if she saw it before she handed me my phone back, saying, "It went away." FML
Today, I finally received the vibrator I ordered online. Too bad they labeled what the item was on the outside of the box, and my dad was the one to pick up the packages. FML
Today, I bought my first ever vibrator after months of wanting one. Apparently, I bought a cheap product, because it broke and started going off by itself later. It shook my whole dresser while my best friend and I were in the room. I couldn't get it to shut off. FML
Today, the vibrator I ordered online was delivered. I'd paid extra to make sure it would be here before the weekend, so I could sneak it into my room while everyone was gone. My dad decided to stay home all day and answer the door ahead of me. FML
Today, my boyfriend talked me into wearing vibrating underwear in public and of course we bumped into my mom shopping, and of course he chose that moment to turn them on with the remote. The vibrating was way louder than we were expecting, and my mom just walked away shaking her head at us. FML
Today, I was talking to my mother when we both heard a continuous buzzing noise. Unable to locate the source of the noise we gave up. About an hour later, my mother yells down the stairs to me. Turns out my dog stole my vibrator, chewed it and presented it to my mother. FML
Today, at my mom's house, my daughter came running up to me with some sort of love heart hair band, demanding to wear it straight away. After a solid 30 seconds trying to figure out how the band fit around a child's head it started vibrating. It was my mom's sex toy from her bedside drawer. FML
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Top comments
Leia Griffey 3
She wont know you know what it is. couldve started vibrating after you signed for it. just set it in her room and walk away, man! walk away
INDYSTRUCTABLE 43
let it run and pray the batteries give out
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Comments (31)
BurnInDemonFire 39
Open it, turn it off, then tape it back up. And for your sake, I hope it's a back massager.
INDYSTRUCTABLE 43
let it run and pray the batteries give out
Stephanie Claire 12
Mine has had the same batteries in it since my friend bought it for me 8 years ago, that probably won’t happen
Leia Griffey 3
She wont know you know what it is. couldve started vibrating after you signed for it. just set it in her room and walk away, man! walk away
RichardPencil 32
Just pretend you never heard the package vibrating. That’s much simpler than the optimal solution: Go to the sex shop and get a *****. Replace the vibrator in the box with the ***** and shove the vibrator up your ass until the batteries die. Your mom will complain about getting the wrong item.
Paul B. Gyurcsanszky 14
I couldn’t wait to see your response. You let me down, man. I am disappointed.
RichardPencil 32
I had two good solutions! What would you suggest?
manb91uk 22
I think he was expecting the unexpected. Such people are always disappointed.
Eli May 4
just leave it on her bed and shes just gonna lie to you aboutwhar was inside lol
nikita_4234 15
Schrodinger's vibrator
interesting33 37
It's official. Your only option is to buy an unnecessarily loud shirt, a broad hat and grow a moustache, change your name, age and identity, and move to a hot country with a lama named Steve.
jordanpolo92 8
Oh it’s not a bumblebee is it
Beta197 6
There’s not enough liquor and therapy in the world to undo that.
chessu 21
What did you end up doing? Hindsight suggestions - could've you left it outside the door? Do you live with multiple people, in which case just leave the house and she won't know who signed for it? Or, in general just leave and she will hope and assume it started vibrating after anyone had seen it. If you wouldn't usually put parcels in her room, I feel like leaving this one in hers would've been suspicious. Alternatively, you could've opened it, stopped it, and taped it back together as if it was never opened. I doubt it was a vibrator, though. I've ordered some via post in the past, and you usually have to buy batteries separate and this situation wouldn't have happened.
Matys_16 9
What kind of sex shop delivers toys with batteries included AND in place?
BloodRedViola 12
Could have been a rechargeable one. They often come precharged since the manufacturer or toy shop needs to make sure they hold a charge, or want their customers to have their fun right away.
Jorn van der Ar 13
How do you know it's from a sex shop? It may be an electric tootbrush for example.