Today, I saw a kid taking a dump next to my lawn. The good news: his mother picked up the poop to discard it. The bad news: she put it in my mailbox. I now have a pile of smelly brownish tissue-wrapped goo baking under the hot sun inside my mailbox. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I opened my front door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML
Today, my drunk neighbor couldn’t get into his apartment and thought it would be a good idea to poop in our yard. He left a pile of diarrhea under our window, and poop-stained napkins all over the lawn. FML
Today, my 6-year-old son pooped in the back yard and used a stick to throw it over the fence into my neighbor's yard. FML
Today, I witnessed the homeless man that visits my neighborhood placing bags containing his own poop in my trash cans. I later received a notice stating that the garbage company will not provide my residence with garbage service until I “refrain from placing bags of my own feces in the trash.” FML
Today, I put out a fire. Sadly, it was on my doorstep because someone had lit a bag of dog poop. FML
Today, I watched as my neighbor walked to my front lawn, looked me right in the eye, and pissed on my mailbox. FML
Today, I opened my blinds to see the front yard littered with trash. My neighbor's cat ripped our trash bags open and smeared them all over the lawn. Since it was my turn to take out the trash this week, my family decided I would be the one cleaning up too. FML
Today, my 6 year-old brought me a card. On it was a turd belonging to my 4 year-old son. She got excited and grossed out, and threw it on the rug. FML
Today, I wanted revenge on my neighbor, whose dog craps in my yard, so I spent a day at the dog park gathering up dog shit. I piled it up by the property line and ran over it with the mower, intending to spray his driveway and car with turds. Instead, it gummed up the mower. Now it stinks too bad to fix. FML
Today, one of the kids at the daycare center I work at was so excited at the fact that his constipation was over, he felt the need to bring me his fecal matter, in his hands, to show me. Guess who had to clean up the aftermath. FML
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Top comments
ohsnapword 21
Call the police. File charges. Tampering with a mailbox is a federal offense.
vandj8 9
The obvious solution is to take the package out, unwrap it, and squash it poop side down inside her mailbox.
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Comments (30)
HoboMeth 36
It seems like it was planned
yourwifelovesme 25
People are pricks man
vandj8 9
The obvious solution is to take the package out, unwrap it, and squash it poop side down inside her mailbox.
Exaspera 55
Should have tracked her to her house. The old bag-on-fire-on-the-front-step-filled-with-poop trick.
YourDanny 1
You... I like you
Glowworm56 27
I know a lot of mail is crap these days, but mail that actually is crap? That's a new one.
ohsnapword 21
Call the police. File charges. Tampering with a mailbox is a federal offense.
Twunt 14
Need to get your ass off of FML and clean out the shitbox.
torrtorr 17
You're right lol
RichardPencil 32
When I see stories like this, I begin to think humanity peaked in the past and we are devolving into extinction. Are we not men? We are Devo.
species4872 20
And why did you just stand/sit there watching and not do anything?
Isa_fml 20
Maybe they saw her pick it up, assumed that was the end of it, and only checked the mailbox later...
idk_rose 25
It's time to return the favor, OP.