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By qwertycode - 26/11/2015 18:57 - United States - Colton

Today, my mom prevented me from walking a neighbor's dog because she said I'm obsessed with it. I walk the dog three times a day because that's what the neighbors pay me to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 444

You deserved it 1 624

qwertycode tells us more.

qwertycode 19

Friday 27 November 2015 5:03

Hello, OP here! The family that owns the dog is out of town currently due to Thanksgiving and all that, which is why they need someone to walk the dog. I take care of other things too of course, like feeding, making sure he goes to bed, etc but it's mostly just letting him get his exercise.

Heeeeeelp!

By baddoggy - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to pick up my dog from the vet after she had surgery. I somehow managed to lock my keys, my purse, and my dog in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 293

You deserved it 23 857

By sofargone420 - 29/07/2011 14:27 - United States

Today, I was in a restroom sitting on the toilet, when the guy right next to me noticed my AC/DC boxers around my ankles and started to sing "Back in Black." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 621

You deserved it 10 533

By jellybean - 06/11/2009 23:37 - United States

Today, there was something itching me in my bed, it was the tag to my pillow case. I ripped it off, very hard and slipped and punched myself right in the face. I broke my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 822

You deserved it 11 019

By occam's pube-razor - 05/09/2015 04:26 - United States - Buena Vista

Today, I parked my car, went to pay for my spot, and returned to my car only to find a parking violation ticket tucked under the windshield wipers. This all happened in less than a minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 716

You deserved it 2 003

Offroading

By Animeislyfe - 25/08/2015 02:56 - United States - Stockbridge

Today, my dad took my phone away because I "had to be texting while driving in order to wreck my car." I was too ashamed to tell him that a huge bug flew into my face causing me to veer off the road and into a brick mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 205

You deserved it 7 619

By ShayanFCB - 20/10/2009 19:35 - United States

Today, my boss was angry at me because I had filed a complaint about him refusing to change our phone service to something more reliable. Later, a customer called him and said I had hung up on him. I got fired. I didn't hang up on the customer, the phone service just dropped the call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 098

You deserved it 2 752

By MomStayOutOfTheCar - 04/08/2015 04:23 - United States

Today, I got a ticket for "suspicious driving" because my total shit of a mother kept tugging on the wheel to annoy me, and I still had to pay it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 026

You deserved it 2 040

Devil's wages

By fucked - 14/03/2014 19:40 - Canada

Today, my boss - AKA Satan - told me I'd better watch out, because I'm now top on his list of people to lay off next time the company downsizes. All I did was give a report to the board admitting that our sales are down this year. He blames me for making him look bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 919

You deserved it 3 785

Bladder runner

By lauren - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I was chaperoning for my 8-year-old sister's class in school. The bus ride was an hour long, so several people didn't make it to the bathroom in time. Unfortunately, one of them was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 447

You deserved it 3 198

By longest minute - 25/05/2016 11:28 - United States - Cypress

Today, I was peeing in a public bathroom when a guy walked in and passed by 4 open urinals to use the one next to mine. After feeling his gaze for a second, I confronted him with my own, in hopes he would stop. Instead, I stared into a stranger's eyes until I finished peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 746

You deserved it 2 689

By Drill Drilled - 15/04/2015 22:12 - United States - Lake Elsinore

Today, I tripped while rushing to my classes. In a desperate attempt to regain my balance, I grabbed the nearest thing to me. A fire alarm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 437

You deserved it 3 986

By anon - 12/04/2015 10:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my 16 year old daughter convinced her little sister that I am a robot. Now every time I try to talk to her she starts crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 893

You deserved it 2 500

By 751920 - 03/02/2009 08:49 - Canada

Today, I found out my girlfriend's password for okcupid is "i_love_mike". My name is not Mike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 136

You deserved it 3 341

By Lovemynewhaircut - 10/03/2015 18:47 - United States - Brentwood

Today, I got a new haircut. I was feeling pretty confident, until coworkers and family members kept making comments like, "I think you gained a little weight", "You look older" and "Do you still like guys?" Apparently, my new haircut changed my waist size and my sexual orientation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 183

You deserved it 3 245

Advice time

By Anonymous - 15/02/2010 10:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my grandmother gave me a sex talk on how I should take "precautions", right in the middle of a packed bus station. I'm 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 184

You deserved it 2 280

By Anonymous - 03/11/2013 18:56 - United States - Roanoke

Today, my mom found a new fad, and now styles herself as some kind of modern druid. Normally I'd just roll my eyes and deal with it, except she's forced the entire family to go vegetarian, threatening harsh punishments if we refuse to stop "poisoning" our bodies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 011

You deserved it 3 422

By olyswimmer - 03/02/2010 05:11 - United States

Today, my car got a wheel lock because I had 5 tickets. Three of those tickets dated back to 2006. I got my car and license in 2008. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 404

You deserved it 3 659

Show off

By badluck_jean - 17/01/2015 13:54 - France

Today, at a ski resort, I tried to impress an attractive girl on the slopes and failed, horribly. I ended up with a mild concussion and some serious cuts after tripping, tumbling and hitting my head against the ground. I don't think she was impressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 774

You deserved it 11 141

By Anonymous - 11/01/2011 02:24 - United States

Today, was the first day of potty training for my toddler. While watching a "How to Potty Train" video, I noticed my toddler was making a weird face on the side of the couch. I walked over to her, picked her up and a big pile of poop dropped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 884

You deserved it 5 709

By now what - 24/12/2014 05:56 - United States - San Leandro

Today, my husband came home with a Christmas gift from a coworker. It's the same thing I got him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 146

You deserved it 3 389

By Anonymous - 13/01/2016 08:53 - Denmark

Today, I called my mom to make sure she could attend on the wedding day my fiancé and I had discussed. She started off with criticizing the venue we considered, then went on to criticize my fiancé, and then stated she would under no circumstances help out, but demanded to pick my wedding dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 534

You deserved it 1 612

Hello there!

By Anonymous - 10/12/2009 19:51 - United Kingdom

Today, after having a shower, I walked back into my room butt naked. As I looked up I saw the window cleaner staring right at me. I looked. He looked. And without thinking I dropped straight to the floor to hid myself, then realized my naked butt was still staring right at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 714

You deserved it 6 838

By Anonymous - 27/10/2010 06:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were snuggling and telling eachother nice things. The nicest thing he could think of to say to me was "Well, I see you shaved your mustache." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 722

You deserved it 6 414

Panda

By Anonymous - 24/10/2015 01:32 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, at a family reunion, my grandpa loudly said that I look like "a cheap Vegas whore" because of my heavy purple eye-shadow. I could tell that a few other people agreed. I was too embarrassed to explain that the "eye-shadow" was just dark circles from fatigue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 575

You deserved it 2 424

By gravycoveredblackberry - 19/11/2009 23:37 - United States

Today, I had my new Blackberry Curve sitting on my lunch tray. Unthinkingly, i tossed it into the garbage can. 10 minutes later i realized I had thrown it away and spent the next hour searching through six garbage cans of half-eaten food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 410

You deserved it 30 109

By TzarErik - 06/08/2014 23:33 - United States - Fort Collins

Today, at work in a library, I found a dirty diaper stuffed under one of the public use computer desks. Not only was it leaking, but it had been run over several times by a rolling office chair. I had to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 700

You deserved it 2 820

By OhJoy - 02/11/2009 05:08 - United States

Today, I got an e-mail from a girl, asking if my boyfriend was indeed my boyfriend. I sent back a gushing message about how much I loved him and how well he treated me. She replied "Yeah, I know. He was supposed to be my boyfriend, too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 326

You deserved it 4 239

By singingseattlite - 06/04/2009 06:14 - United States

Today, I was at a symposium at which my colleague was a co-chair. She and a new acquaintance asked me how it was going. I joked that the discussant's only job at this conference was to be an asshole. The acquaintance was the symposium's discussant. The topic was Rude Behavior at Work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 880

You deserved it 59 089

Bored

By wideawake - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my husband fell asleep for two hours at a dinner party. We were the hosts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 835

You deserved it 5 694

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Today, my boyfriend and I were having a conversation about the lack of communication in our relationship. I told him that sometimes I feel like he doesn't really care about me at all. If he did, he would listen more. His response? "I know your name, don't I?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 459

You deserved it 5 839

Today, a girl entered the public washroom I was washing my hands in. When she saw me, she stopped dead in her tracks. I then saw her go to the door to make sure she was actually in the girl's washroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 159

You deserved it 4 981

Today, my boyfriend of two years told me that I had grown on him. I thought it was cute, until he added, "like a flesh eating bacteria". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 448

You deserved it 271

Today, somebody stole approximately 2000$ worth of army gear from me, which I have to pay for because my leadership didn't care about replacing my room key. My leadership is going to blame me for it in the end, and treat me worse because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 204

You deserved it 140

Today, I saw a really cute guy in the grocery store. We made eye contact a few times and I was trying to work up the nerve to start a conversation. Instead, he screamed, "Yes, I know I’m fat, bitch. You don’t have to stare!” I got so many dirty looks I left immediately. I didn’t think he was fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 505

You deserved it 138

Today, the bus I needed to catch, that replaced the train I needed to catch, to get the flight home was full. I had to get a taxi instead. £140 to the nearest working train station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 104