Today, my mom texted me and asked what I was up to. In response, I joked, "Dancing on the dining room table, waving dad's Calvin Klein's in the air, and shooting bullets into her bedroom floor." Not only did the cops show up, but now I'm grounded for two weeks for being, "deceptively believable." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I saw a gun on my dad's bedside table. I knew it wasn't real, so I picked it up and posed like a badass. Then I shot a hole in their bedroom TV, blew out my eardrums, and my mom flew in and started screaming at me. FML
Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML
Today, a bunch of cops showed up at my house demanding to see my wife to make sure she was OK. Turns out my insane out-of-state daughter swatted me, calling 911 to tell them I had tied up my wife, and been impersonating her for a week. FML
Today, my dad and mom and I were going out to eat dinner. My dad wanted a romantic dinner just with my mom so he told me to make an excuse not to go. I did, which ended up as a huge fight, grounded and phone taken away. My dad just stood there in the background putting thumbs up. FML
Today, I received a text from my mom saying, "We need to talk." I panicked and replied, "What did I do now?" She responded, "I was going to ask what you wanted for dinner, but now I’m curious about what you're hiding." FML
Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML
Today, I tried to blackmail my dad by threatening to tell mom about the bong and weed he keeps hidden in the garage. Turns out she already knew about it and neither of them give a shit. Now I'm grounded until the new year. FML
Today, I was house sitting by myself and I texted my mom saying how thankful I was that she was trusting me and not checking up on me. That night I threw a party at the house. My mom showed up to check on me because my text was "suspicious". FML
Today, I told my mom I was going on a date tonight. She laughed and didn't believe me. When I tried to convince her it was real, she got mad and grounded me for lying. I had to cancel the date. FML
Today, my mom baked cupcakes for my visiting grandparents. Later, I saw my grandpa chowing down on them. Even later, my mom demanded to know why there were a dozen cupcake wrappers on my bed. I've essentially been framed by my own grandpa, and am now grounded for a month. FML
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Top comments
your_ma 27
Is your mum a total fucktard?
lovelyvampire 16
not sure who to blame here, well your mom lol. she's ether really gullible or just crazy... I'm sure it was all fixed quickly. now you have a story to tell at future parties! :)
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Comments (58)
lovelyvampire 16
not sure who to blame here, well your mom lol. she's ether really gullible or just crazy... I'm sure it was all fixed quickly. now you have a story to tell at future parties! :)
drunkmunkey 24
but what does it tell you about OP that his mom would believe that was really going on?
sandormatyi 25
either the mother is really gullible or OP frequently does things like this
Joshwarrior 39
I don't think op is going to any future parties though lol did you read the username?
your_ma 27
Is your mum a total fucktard?
wallamanut 14
and if she's that paranoid, she probably isn't mentally sane enough be owning any guns in the first place if she believes a scenario like that could actually happen.
bedforddanesss 14
It's America bub. Anyone can have a gun nowadays. Even if you kill kids it seems.
Otherhats 20
You, I don't like you.
Tthug 34
#9, when in american history has anyone not been able to own a gun? You pretend like the 2nd amendment is a new thing.
your_ma 27
#22 You, you can suck it.
bedforddanesss 14
I've danced on the table to hooked on a feeling by blue swede while my parents were gone but nothing close to that. Though I don't how she would believe you unless you've done something Similar before?..
everton99 16
I'm not sure why you got so many thumbs down clicks.
cherry_popper69 11
Same reason you got down votes
Earths_Venus 25
I like that you're creative enough to come up with that. And that you can make it believable!
AnOriginalName 19
That's a very impressive story to come up with on the spur of the moment. Your mom should have made your favorite dinner or something for you for that creativity and believability.
bombielol 20
it sounds like your parents lack a sense of humor... sucks to be you op
albertozeta_fml 9
The fact that your mum thinks that you can be able to do something like that should make you think over the imagine you give of yourself to the others.
cakefete2 31
So, I'm guessing if your dad says he loves your mom for her brains, he is not referring to her intelligence?
tacojauns 45
are, are you saying he is a cannibal?
Tthug 34
Or zombie.
badluckalex 23
Or both?
foxyhasmybooty 16
Yes.Yes I think that they are.O__O
WCARlover 35
Joking over text usually isn't the way to go...gotta give you some creativity points for that response though haha
whyisitincapital 25
Just the mental image of what OP jokingly described themselves doing is just hilarious to me.