Today, I can't decide what's worse: the fact that my mother found my vibrator or that, as a prank, she replaced it with a realistic tarantula replica. She won't tell me where it is. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML
Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML
Today, I was talking to my mother when we both heard a continuous buzzing noise. Unable to locate the source of the noise we gave up. About an hour later, my mother yells down the stairs to me. Turns out my dog stole my vibrator, chewed it and presented it to my mother. FML
Today, after assuming I'd been scammed, I finally found the vibrator I ordered over 2 months ago. It was in my mom's bedside cabinet. FML
Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML
Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML
Today, I discovered my children had found my vibrator and buried it in the cat's litter box. FML
Today, I ran out of underwear and so I went into my mom's drawer to borrow a pair from her. It was then that I found out my mom uses the same vibrator as I do. FML
Today, I found out that the mother of my children named her vibrator after me. We are together and have not had sex in over 18 months. I have no idea what to do with this information. FML
Today, I came home from work and found my sister using my vibrator in my own bed. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Jasim 17
Your mom had a great sense of humor. And your vibrator.
fuckercakes 21
Honestly your mum is hilarious.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (58)
fuckercakes 21
Honestly your mum is hilarious.
Hunthas 17
I agree, you have to prank her back! Just use the tarantula as a ***** until she gives it back!
LunaRebirth 7
#16, you made my entire day!
Retaheki 27
#16 must have had some extremely kinky times to suggest that.
xx000o 27
Maybe she is too embarrassed to buy one for herself, and yours provided the best solution.
thatcoolguy123 14
Nice mom
Jasim 17
Your mom had a great sense of humor. And your vibrator.
Nexpecto 28
She should be sure to wash it if she recovers it! Quite a few more laughs if not..
MrSassypants 34
You know at night when you walk through the house to get a drink of water and you hear a slight vibration sound coming from the attic or basement? Yeah, it's up there. So, it's basically gone forever.
Welshite 40
In that case, OP should be relieved the attic ghost accepted the gift of the vibrator. There's nothing scarier than a sexually frustrated ghoul.
MrSassypants 34
Some call it scary, others call it a good time. I mean, if you had sex that somehow makes you the king of high school, then having sex with a ghost must make you a legend.
Just_A_Tree 20
Oh! Everyone's impressed when you guys have sex with people or ghosts. But when I have sex with special dolls or the couch cushions it makes me weird. How does that work?
1dvos_grl3 21
inanimate objects aren't attractive my dear #39 xD you know, unless they're vibrators.. if your special doll vibrates then it's fine.
MrSassypants 34
Says you, 47. The fact that 39 has sex with inanimate objects makes him literally 100 times cooler.
hard_candy 25
trying to imagine the tarantula replica. just how exactly is that supposed to look like?
Nymeria_fml 25
Uhmm... like a tarantula?
JMichael 26
No no obviously it's supposed to look like a tiger!
FutueMeamVitam 24
Methinks it is like a weasel.
Retaheki 27
No #9, that's too obvious for a tarantula replica! Maybe it's a bluejay...
Retaheki 27
No #9, that's too obvious for a tarantula replica! Maybe it's a bluejay...
sofaqueen_ 14
At least it's not a real tarantula. She has a great sense of humor though!
buckdharma 38
When you found the tarantula did you wet your pants? See, good replacement.
wildgenius 13
You could always just use the tarantula.
captainsmegma 12
Does the tarantula vibrate?
JMichael 26
It's obvious what you must do OP. Use the spider. Use it!