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By rabidfairy - 13/08/2014 02:04 - United States - San Francisco

Today, the man I have been in love with for years came to me with a beautiful ring and a heartfelt proposal. Too bad it ended with an eager, "So do you think he'll say yes?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 415

You deserved it 6 126

rabidfairy tells us more.

rabidfairy 9

Thursday 14 August 2014 3:50

yes, you are correct. we've been friends since childhood and I've always known he was gay. just my luck that my heart would have none of it :/

By derranged - 22/04/2009 18:24 - China

Today, I was the best man at a wedding and I was flirting with a cute bridesmaid. Then this old guy decides to give the newlyweds a toast. He made a crappy joke and barely anybody laughed. So I say to the girl, "Wow that sucked, who the hell does he think he is?" The girl replies, "That's my dad". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 225

You deserved it 73 520

By RiceCrispyTreats - 01/09/2015 16:46 - United States - Pelham

Today, I left my phone outside on the grass while I went inside to get a drink. I didn't expect my dad to run over it with the lawn mower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 870

You deserved it 28 407

Paranoid parents

By LibraryPedo - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Chino Hills

Today, I was yelled at and called a pedophile by a mom for talking to her 5 year-old girl. I work at a library, and she looked like she needed help. This is the third time it's happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 739

You deserved it 4 146

Ninja move

By kiran - 24/10/2009 04:19 - United States

Today, I went to the post office. As I entered the building, my car alarm went off. Thinking I'd accidentally pressed the alarm on my keys, I shut it off without looking. When I returned to my car, the passenger window was demolished and my purse with all my money was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 083

You deserved it 39 695

By bitch - 04/08/2010 01:19 - United States

Today, my car broke down. I had a two mile, up-hill walk ahead of me. About half way up the hill, a car beeped. Thinking they were poking fun at my misfortune, I began to curse and use obscene gestures, only to find out that it was my neighbor asking if I needed a ride. She drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 783

You deserved it 55 568

Polite

By bleue - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - France - Montberon

Today, in a crowded doctor's waiting room, my two-year-old daughter let rip a loud fart. I asked her, "What do we say?" She replied, "IT'S ME!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 486

You deserved it 4 930

By Boltz719 - 23/08/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, I was at my grandfather's house and my car was low on gas. He said I could put some of his gas in my car. He accidentally gave me the wrong tank to pump it out of, and I put fuel in my car that he uses for his small plane. It never ran better until the engine exploded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 591

You deserved it 3 885

Catfished

By mylovelifeisanepicfail - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - London

Today, I discovered that the man I have been talking to on a dating site is actually my ex-boyfriend. He created a fake profile and made me fall for someone that doesn't exist. We got on better anonymously than we ever did in 3 years together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 247

You deserved it 3 982

By Yo Mr. White! ... BETCH! - 23/10/2012 22:47 - United States - Imperial Beach

Today, I realized I'm so desperate for money that I started to watch Breaking Bad to learn how to make meth. I stopped, not because I decided it was a bad idea, but because it looks too hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 117

You deserved it 29 556

With friends like these…

By petra84 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Evans

Today, I let a friend borrow a power saw. When I found it on my porch later, the blade was missing and the cord was cut. Looking closer, I realized it was his saw. He kept my new one. He totally denies that he switched them and now won't answer his door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 911

You deserved it 2 362

By PikidiliJo - 24/12/2014 19:23 - United States

Today, I woke up while staying at my friend's house. I saw the bathroom light on, so for a laugh, I got up and quietly pennied the door. After laughing at him struggling to open the door, I decided to let him out. Turned out it wasn't my friend in there; it was his dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 867

You deserved it 31 202

PikidiliJo tells us more.

PikidiliJo 12

Thursday 25 December 2014 8:25

It was actually in the morning. I woke up and the bathroom light was on.

By Anonymous - 08/01/2016 18:23

Today, I bailed my brother out of jail for violating a restraining order filed against him by his ex. I dropped him off at the place he told me he was staying at. Turned out it was his ex's house, and now he's in jail again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 170

You deserved it 3 574

What? It's just helpful advice because we know better.

By Moimoi78 - 31/01/2017 20:00 - Australia - Eatons Hill

Today, I introduced the concept of 'mansplaining' to my husband. Ever since, he's been deliberately mansplaining every single thing to me. All. The. Time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 200

You deserved it 5 179

By Anonymous - 01/06/2009 19:07 - United States

Today, I had the Monday meeting that I have had every week for 8 months. We had new people joining today. One of my bosses went around the room introducing people, and he forgot my name. I've been sitting across from him with a nametag for 8 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 155

You deserved it 4 054

By Anon - 08/11/2010 18:34 - Singapore

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. He got a text and reached over to get his phone. In the process, he elbowed my face and busted my lip. He laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 056

You deserved it 4 189

By sobusy - 25/09/2015 17:47 - United States - Romeoville

Today, I had to listen to my coworker complain about how working 19 hours a week leaves her with no time to go to the doctor and get her bronchitis treated. Meanwhile, I work 40 hours a week, as well as doing 18 credit hours at school, and she refuses to cover her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 758

You deserved it 1 771

Bonjour!

By Joshua Sheldon - 19/09/2015 01:56 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, while working alone, I decided to just try some random impressions, and so I ended up doing a French accent when a customer walked in. To avoid embarrassment, I had to continue faking the accent as he struck up a long conversation with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 271

You deserved it 8 585

It takes strength to be gentle and kind

By 'creep' - 22/04/2013 05:01 - United States - Littleton

Today, I was small talking with an elderly man, who told me that nobody cares about him. Even though I had only known him for an hour, to try and make him feel a little better I told him I care about him. He then called me a creep, stomped his cane onto my foot, and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 004

You deserved it 7 221

Pervy

By textraped - 16/03/2009 05:26 - United States

Spicy

Today, I jokingly had kinky conversation via text message with a good guy friend. He was pretending to be a stranger and was fishing for compliments, and asked to have a foursome. Turns out, my friend lost his phone and I spent 2 hours talking to a pervert about what lingerie I was wearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 441

You deserved it 40 846

By wouaf - 29/05/2015 04:19 - France - Voiron

Today, I was out shopping with my little sister. I wanted to try something on, so I put my bag in front of a changing room and jokingly told her to bark if someone came near. She ended up biting a lady who was trying to get into one of the changing rooms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 89

By PerfectBoyfriend - 07/06/2016 16:38 - Belgium - Reet

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 446

You deserved it 1 927

Sorority

By Taylor - 23/02/2011 02:51 - United States

Today, my sister and I had a bonding moment. It consisted of me plucking her chin hairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 995

You deserved it 5 607

By Anonymous - 06/01/2015 16:40 - Vietnam - Ho Chi Minh City

Today, at a candlelit dinner, I accidentally set my dad's leg on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 644

You deserved it 4 709

By Nox - 06/01/2010 07:25 - United States

Today, my girlfriend accused me of not having any friends. So I sent out a mass text saying "Hey, what's up?" to prove her wrong. I didn't get any replies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 618

You deserved it 7 713

By frigid - 12/10/2011 01:05

Today, I found out my landlord is too cheap to turn up the hot water tank enough to have a comfortable shower. There's a huge padlock on the door, she won't budge, and I'm signed in until December. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 998

You deserved it 2 346

By Anonymous - 26/10/2014 03:28 - United States - Salem

Today, my brother got upset at his video game and flung his DS at the wall, just as I was walking by. I got knocked out to the sound of someone crossing the finish line in MarioKart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 231

You deserved it 2 884

By badbitch23 - 07/12/2015 23:21 - United States - Killeen

Today, someone finally got the guts to punch my extremely rude mother in the face. My wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 153

You deserved it 3 806

badbitch23 tells us more.

badbitch23 15

Wednesday 23 December 2015 23:10

Op here, okay my wife's mother died 2 weeks beforehand and my mom thought it would be funny to make a joke out of it. So yes the punch was for sure justified. I haven't spoke to my mom since and I'm happily married with my wife.

My eyes!

By alyssabree42 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Estacada

Spicy

Today, I learned that when you hear a bump in the night, it's best not to check your parents' room. Some things cannot be unseen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 127

You deserved it 23 639

By fuckbio - 12/12/2009 05:00 - United States

Today, after pulling an all-nighter for my Bio final at 8AM and drinking 6 sodas, 3 energy drinks, and coffee throughout the night, an hour into the exam, I had to go to the restroom, so I get permission and go. I'm 1 of 3 people. They later find a cheat sheet in the restroom. Now I'm a suspect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 066

You deserved it 4 381

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The Top

The Top

Today, I had to create another signature. I have to use one at the bank and the other around my mother, so that when she tries to cash my paychecks the bank won't let her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 015

You deserved it 1 852

Today, I woke up from a short nap, only to find two waxing strips stuck to my eyebrows. I now have very little of my eyebrows remaining, and just as little idea which idiot in my family pulled this stupid excuse of a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 099

You deserved it 4 973

Today, my car got a wheel lock because I had 5 tickets. Three of those tickets dated back to 2006. I got my car and license in 2008. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 404

You deserved it 3 659

Today, I was touching myself under the sheets at 2:00 a.m. when my very drunk dad walked into the room. I was afraid to move my hand for fear of getting caught red-handed, so I had a 30 minute conversation with him with my fingers still inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 538

You deserved it 949

Today, at my niece's christening, I was outside with family when we suddenly heard shouting and the priest pushing my husband outside while screaming, “GET OUT OF MY CHURCH!” Friar Tuck style. It’s been six hours and husband still won’t tell me what he did that upset a priest that badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 134

Today, I was walking down the street when I saw someone I thought I knew. I waved enthusiastically and shouted, "Hey!" The person stared blankly at me, so I quickly turned it into a wave at someone else behind them. There was no one behind them. I was just waving and yelling into the void like an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 205

You deserved it 360