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By dude - 20/01/2009 14:01 - France

Today, I called up my ex girlfriend to ask her if I could come round hers to get my pyjamas back. She replied: "I'm keeping them just in case..." - "In case of what?" - "In case I want to dress up like an asshole". FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 544

You deserved it 28 985

By PieterseMJ - 02/11/2012 12:17 - South Africa - Sandton

Today, my company had a Halloween party. I was so excited seeing as our company never does anything, so I pulled out all the stops with my costume. I was the only one who got dressed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 214

You deserved it 3 786

By Anonymous - 16/03/2016 16:21 - United States - Dayton

Today, I'm seven months pregnant and going to college. I had to use the bathroom, but all of the bathrooms at my building were closed, so I had to walk to the next building, a block away. I didn't make it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 889

You deserved it 2 071

By galladore - 12/12/2014 15:17 - United States - Bensenville

Today, my oldest friend got engaged to her loving boyfriend of one year. Meanwhile, I can't even get my boyfriend of more than four years to commit to a decision of what he wants for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 521

You deserved it 4 942

By Nickie809 - 17/09/2012 14:59 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I moved into my new apartment. I was feeling really excited until my new neighbor knocked on my door and left me what looks like rabbit ears on my welcome mat. He just stared at me expectantly as though I should be thankful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 185

You deserved it 1 879

By Random Person - 21/11/2010 05:31 - United States

Today, I was eating out at a restaurant downtown with my brother in-law when I told him I couldn't eat any more. He then told me, "You better, or you're walking home." He wasn't kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 456

You deserved it 3 598

By rightlessonwrong - 15/09/2014 05:06 - United States - Houston

Today, after politely reminding my husband to turn the bathroom light off after he's done, he did so. While I was on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 606

You deserved it 8 299

rightlessonwrong tells us more.

rightlessonwrong 17

Monday 15 September 2014 23:53

OP here. I was on the toilet while he was brushing his teeth. After he turned the light off I said "Hello, someone still in here!" To which he replied, "Oops! Sorry Hun!" And turned it back on for me.

Grammy award winner

By blow away - 28/07/2014 04:36 - United States - Middletown

Today, my husband played a recording of me breaking wind in my sleep to my whole family at the dinner table. To make matters worse, it was a compilation of different noises from over a long period of time. My family was horrified and my husband seemed proud of himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 413

You deserved it 4 581

By Anonymous - 19/07/2014 23:39 - United States - Erie

Today, while doing some spring cleaning, I found the remains of my goldfish, which I was sure my cat ate last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 647

You deserved it 6 484

By "Beackers675" - 18/07/2017 16:00 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, due to religious restrictions, I'm not allowed to have medicine for my cold. The only thing my family will let me have is milk tea. I'm lactose intolerant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 850

You deserved it 1 228

Beackers675 tells us more.

Beackers675 13

Monday 17 July 2017 5:07

Hey everyone, OP here! So uhm..just for the record I'm not a minor, no CPS needed. As for their religion, I personally do not follow it, but out of love and respect for my parents I let them take care of me, (I'd been away from home for a long time and got sick upon my return) it was a nasty cold, and I was miserable, but I'm fine now. My family doesn't believe in unnecessary medications if the body can fight it off, however in extreme cases they will accept modern medicine. And yes, we're all vascinated so calm your butt cheeks. As for their religious beliefs, that is who they are. Thanks for the support, but no need to worry.

Nice theory

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Portugal - Alhandra

Today, my boyfriend thinks he's discovered a big conspiracy by dentists to sell toothpaste. He's arguing that nobody needs to brush their teeth, ever, because all the "new plaque" from food will dissolve the "old plaque", and the only thing he needs to use is breath spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 888

You deserved it 2 465

By Brinty - 24/10/2009 04:26 - Australia

Today, I found my brand new tropical fish dead in its tank because my boyfriend got drunk last night and decided to pour red wine into the aquarium. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 502

You deserved it 3 571

By Anonymous - 14/10/2009 13:39 - United States

Today, I was participating in an exercise in my psychology class to describe this horrible looking person I had never seen before and I described the person as a "rebellious, drug dealing, lowlife". The person in that picture turned out to be my teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 372

You deserved it 9 695

By ThatOneChick856 - 10/07/2015 23:23 - United States - Franklin

Today, I received a break-up text while in a cramped car with my whole family. I had to choke back tears as we got stuck in traffic with the radio playing one love song after another. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 478

You deserved it 2 421

By notenoughsex - 19/03/2009 05:46 - Canada

Today, I saw a video in class about women aged 65+ and their sex lives. An elderly, blind woman was having sex at her senior's home. I don't know what's worse, watching an hour-long documentary on this, or the fact that these women are having way more sex than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 670

You deserved it 10 520

By homeless - 26/03/2014 23:45 - United Kingdom - Winchester

Today, I found out that, after having moved over 500 miles to begin a post-graduate degree, I'm being kicked out of the house I'm renting. We haven't yet signed agreements. Apparently I "keep the kitchen too clean". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 470

You deserved it 3 657

Monday motivation

By UuuuUUUUhhgghghghGHh - 09/02/2013 17:21 - Kenya

Today, the office coffee machine was relocated next to my desk. My co-worker insists on making several cups of the stuff per day, but instead of drinking it, he stands next to me, audibly swishes it through his teeth, gargles, and drools it back into the cup. I retch every single time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 912

You deserved it 2 339

Rah rah rah

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I realised in the middle of my shift how useless my deodorant is in the stifling heatwave spreading through my country. It's no longer effective against my awful B.O., which is a problem because I'm a mascot, and my costume traps the smell inside like a portable toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 581

You deserved it 5 103

By Anonymous - 30/12/2008 10:41 - France

Today, my two favorite things in the world are Pizza and Beer... I now discover I have Celiac and can't have either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 892

You deserved it 3 322

Oops

By Hornymuch - 02/11/2012 11:35 - Germany

Today, I realized why it's a bad idea to store your business cards and your "emergency condom" in the same handbag compartment. I realized this after a client watched me miss the cards and pull out the condom after our lunch meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 126

You deserved it 28 957

By justdoingmyjob - 18/07/2009 20:10 - United States

Today, I was meeting the mayor of a major city as part of an internship program. Seated directly in front of him during his presentation on the budget crisis, he unleashed an enormous, foul fart in front of the entire audience. And then blamed it on me, everyone believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 435

You deserved it 3 140

By Stinkybedroom - 30/12/2009 13:22 - United Kingdom

Today, my cat was yowling and meowing pathetically outside my door, I checked she had food, water, and she followed me back up to my room. She nestled down on the radiator behind my desk, then threw up all over it. The cat sick is stuck inside the radiator, and it smells just lovely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 424

You deserved it 3 439

Thebozman tells us more.

Thebozman 0

Thursday 31 December 2009 0:07

Yeah I'm OP, just to clear things up...I am English and 'sick' is a fairly acceptable synonym for vomit (the noun). My cat is NOT stuck in my radiator, it just puked in it, I'm 16, is it so unacceptable to have a family cat in the city? Oh, and yes, I was being sarcastic :P

By hazlanz216 - 06/10/2011 22:28 - Canada

Today, I was suspended from work. Some lady went to the manager and told them that I was stalking her, all because I would kindly greet her everyday at the grocery store. I'm the cashier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 978

You deserved it 2 174

By xMiSS_CuTiEx - 27/12/2009 22:25 - United States

Today, I remembered my mom got her carpet cleaned and to be careful while she was at work. To be nice, I vacuumed the whole house. Feeling proud of myself, I got a drink and went upstairs. I tripped and spilled red Kool-Aid all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 136

You deserved it 14 383

By AlonsoKold - 26/07/2013 01:32 - United States - Clinton

Today, my parents staged an intervention because I ate a year's supply of noodles in 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 745

You deserved it 46 916

AlonsoKold tells us more.

AlonsoKold 15

Friday 26 July 2013 18:02

They were just dried spaghetti noodles

By I_AM_READING - 14/10/2014 07:15 - United States - Anchorage

Today, an elderly woman was crossing the street and dropped her bag of groceries. I got out of my car to assist her, but she beat me repeatedly, yelling that I was "enforcing a stereotype". Sorry for trying to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 764

You deserved it 3 226

I_AM_READING tells us more.

I_AM_READING 5

Thursday 16 October 2014 2:26

OP here... I have no idea why she hit me instead of asking me not to help and still haven't a clue as to what stereotype it was. I was waiting for my father to come out of the store when I noticed her crossing the street when she just dropped the bags I came to help and she swung whatever was left in the bag at me till I left. I lucky didn't get hurt but I was kinda humiliated but as far as I could tell no one saw. I got a laugh telling my friends at school though so either way it just another funny story to tell.