Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend tried to cure me of my snake phobia by buying one. When he took it out of the cage, it bit him. Now he's terrified of them too. Even worse, he dropped the snake, so it's now loose in our house. FML
Today, my cat decided to show me just how much he loves me by bringing a live snake into my bedroom. Thanks. FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really liked. He spent the whole time talking about his pet iguana and how it's the love of his life. FML
Today, I went into my room and found a plastic snake on the floor. I yelled out to my sister, "Good one, Ellen!" I picked up the snake to take it to show her. The snake started moving in my hands and bit me. I had to go to the hospital. FML
Today, I woke up to an angry snake trying to climb the leg of my bed. My bedroom was closed all day yesterday. It must have gotten in my room days ago. FML
Today, I was spending some time alone out in the countryside, when I glanced at my boot. I saw a snake, screamed, ran like hell for my car, tripped over my own feet, and smashed my kneecaps. Upon further inspection, I realized the "snake" was my loose shoelace. FML
Today, I allowed my friend to talk me into going on a date. The guy's truck smelled like formaldehyde - I'm assuming from the snake that he apparently tried to turn into a necklace. FML
Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML
Today, a lizard got caught in some loose duct tape in my office. A perk of working alone, I get to clean up. Lizards scare the Bejeezus out of me. FML
Today, I went out to get milk from the garage fridge for my mom. The moment I stepped out, my foot settled on the neighbor's boa, who likes to escape. After my mom finally opened the door to my frantic shouting, she spotted the snake, slammed the door, and locked both of us outside. FML
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Top comments
JenDanielle917 13
What? He wasn't turned on? You sure?
indistructo 3
I'm sure that you both enjoyed ;) hey maybe it'll lead to something more
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Comments (69)
swgmimi12 3
first
Friaza 29
Is this the guy from that new youtube show who's building a reptile zoo? :D
loveexgirl 15
Wrong
JenDanielle917 13
What? He wasn't turned on? You sure?
Keyman1212 14
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I wish you weirdo's the best in life. Reptiles scare the **** out of me.
Friaza 29
I'm pretty sure he didn't mind.
FFPulley 9
Then he put his snake in your secret garden?
Jaimegirl 7
Well then the reptiles weren't the only things you showed off. Haha
Zya_fml 8
Well your goal was to impress him...I'm sure that worked.
chellexx 0
8I rather like second base... I think I'd like it at least a little bit :)
Primal 1
Sounds like a bit of a coincidence to me....girl loves guy, guy loves reptiles and girls, girl drops reptile down boobs... What more could he want?
ItsTheKing 10
Sounds like the beginning of a great porno.
indistructo 3
I'm sure that you both enjoyed ;) hey maybe it'll lead to something more
NoahStaz 3
Obviously he enjoyed it. He loves reptiles! I wonder what he feels about fish...
purplecowchik 5
Why is this an FML? It worked, you got to 2nd base already! ;-)
iampetard 0
Im sure he enjoyed it and si did you
MizzErikaHart 8
For real. "like omg the lizard fell in my boobs... Omg help me get him out of my shirt!"
bloodmonk115 3
He'll call
Iwashere12345 0
care to explain why you couldn't get a lizard out of your shirt on your own?
alliewillie 22
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Well, I'm just wondering why it had to be gotten out at all. If it fell between her boobs, it obviously was a smaller type - why the heck wasn't it in a carrier or something?!
rebekahah 7
Well I don't see what's wrong, he was probably impressed. ;)
crinx034 0
What if she had small tata's? What then??
NNiiKKiiEE 3
I don't see how your life sucks, though. This probably raises your chances of a relation/**** buddy ship
merc302 1
I don't see the problem....
sunrise1234 3
She was probably just embarrasses that she had to have him help her get it out.
SmittyJA24 26
This is a "FML".... how??? I don't get it.
lindseyluvszac 4
Sounds like the beginning of a porno I like