The Top

the 2 friends are our other sister(was adopted when we were her and I were 12 and we had a falling out as teenagers and made up recently), and her ex best friend who was clear that he had no interest in her and never would... but my sister was delusional.that would change... then our other sister and her ex best friend met and started flirting and she attacked them for it.

By Pavlov Dog - 03/02/2018 19:00

Today, I "woofed" at a man on a gay dating site before realizing he's my Psych professor. Now during every lecture I'll never forget his nipples are pierced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 653

You deserved it 1 615

Be realistic

By Anonymous - 01/01/2024 20:00 - Namibia - Windhoek

Today, someone said that giving men gifts is so easy, just pay attention to what he says. He wants Chelsea on top of the league table. How am I supposed to do that? FML

I agree, your life sucks 420

You deserved it 144

It's the thought that counts, right?

By Anonymous - 22/12/2019 18:00

Today, I decided to buy my Chinese Studies professor a gift from Taiwan, so I got her a mini-Taiwanese passport that said "Republic of China" on it. As it turns out, it was actually a two-pack of travel condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 269

You deserved it 3 001

Toxic

By Anonymous - 01/07/2021 22:00

Today, I realized my husband of 30 years consistently makes fun of me in front of friends, and he gets mad when I express opinions contrary to his. I don't think he respects me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 178

You deserved it 175

Go on, give me one

By Anonymous - 10/09/2022 21:30

Today, I’ve had it with my best friend. She is a very jealous individual, who is never happy for me. I told her I was going to be a grandma again to ANOTHER set of twins, this time paternal, and we are going to have 6 grandbabies now. She got an attitude, and said, “Well, isn’t that nice” and then insulted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 971

You deserved it 329

Stuck in a rut

By Anonymous - 10/07/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I’m at a water park with my kids and their two friends. We all just got back from vacation where I got to see my wife every day. Now she’s back at work, and I won’t see her during the day. I go back to work tomorrow. For now, I’m at this park, bored as fuck, and lonely as hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 305

You deserved it 239

Smelly glasses for life

By Anonymous - 16/09/2022 12:30 - United States

Today, I used my towel on the counter to clean my glasses. Apparently, my foster cat had peed on it during the night. The wet towel hit my mouth. I started out my day with cat pee on my lips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 320

He got game

By Facepalm - 17/01/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my husband, who lost 250 pounds and has never been healthier, that no, he does not get a pass to sleep around to "make up" for all the sex he missed when he was young and fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 174

Nothing

By Anonymous - 26/02/2020 01:00

Today, I realized that I'm on the top of not having my drivers license/ state ID (I was submitting my taxes and needed it) I also threw away my brand new passport because I thought it was trash in my boyfriends car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 2 551

Right in the feetsies

By Anonymous - 27/09/2022 00:30

Today, while demonstrating to my wife how I broke my big toe, I broke the little toe on the opposite foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 994

Swot

By Lonely at the top - 06/10/2022 03:00 - United States

Today, my class had a group project. The teacher allowed people to opt to do it alone. I, an introvert with crippling social anxiety, was the only one to do it alone. I still finished before everyone else, with an A. The other students called me a "freak" and many other names, simply because I work better alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 483

You deserved it 135

Best impression

By Shells - 27/07/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, to make a good impression, I brought in homemade blueberry muffins for my newish coworkers. Everyone loved them, up until the guy with a nut allergy had to be rushed to the hospital. Turns out my almond milk wasn’t as "nut-free" as I thought. Welcome to the team! FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 830

Covidiots are why we can't have nice things

By Fakin' It - 18/07/2021 20:01

Today, I finally got an answer as to why I've felt like crap this past week when I tested positive for COVID. My wife, a healthcare professional, is now madly Googling proof that COVID is fake, because she thinks it an elaborate ruse for me to not visit her grandmother next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 307

You deserved it 153

Drag yourself out

By cuz803 - 10/10/2022 08:30

Today, I have a job test coming in two days. Today was also the perfect time for me to catch the flu. The flu affects me badly for a week, whereas this job test opportunity for a city job that pays well happens once every 10 years. I won't get this opportunity again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 045

You deserved it 127

Words don't come easy

By Anonymous - 27/03/2020 17:00

Today, mid-sex, my wife told me to call her a nasty slut. I was kind of uncomfortable doing it, but I did it to make her horny. She started crying, because she didn’t realise how much it would hurt her feelings. Now I’m not sure if she’s mad at me or herself, but I’m scared either way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 779

You deserved it 291

What the…?

By lordoftheweird - 29/07/2021 10:59

Today, because no one else was willing to, I had to explain to my uncle that he's white, that I'm not his grandfather, and that he's mentally challenged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 122

Erm, OK?

By Anonymous - 21/08/2025 09:00 - United States - Queens

Today, I farted in bed like my parents do. It sounded like an unexpected trumpet. Luckily no one was nearby. I usually don't fart. It took me by surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 439

Nice husband you've got there…

By dididikaisik - 01/08/2021 11:01 - United States

Today, I received a call from my husband of 10 years from prison. He sobbed on the phone as he explained to me that his anger got the best of him, and couldn’t control himself. He beat the pulp out of a classmate of his for declining a date with him, and sent her to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 417

You deserved it 114

Heatwave

By Anonymous - 02/08/2021 06:01 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, it appears I’m allergic. My stomach inflates like a soccer ball and produces terrible gas, and I really don’t feel so good in general. What am I allergic to? Summertime. Every year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 93

Do ya think I'm sexy?

By wifelyduties - 17/04/2020 14:00

Today, my husband called me to our bedroom, saying he needed help with something. I found him sitting on the bed with his pants down, so I smiled and asked if he was angling for sex, which was fine with me. Nope. He needed me to pop a pimple under his ballsack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 247

You deserved it 394

Don't dead open inside

By that’s not how this works! - 10/08/2021 08:01 - United States - Hesperia

Today, my mom went on a rant about how insulin and other diabetic medications are evil western poisons, and that she can control her condition naturally on her own. That would be great, if she actually ate right and exercised instead of just using meditation to “think” herself healthy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 79

Alas…

By Mum2be - 15/08/2021 04:01

Today, I saved a kitten from the streets, cleaned her up and asked the vet what I should do with her because she was the sweetest thing and my cat has a highly contagious illness. The vet had to put her down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 135

Heartbreaking

By Anonymous - 06/11/2022 10:00 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I learned that I'm highly allergic to onions. I love onions and they're in literally *everything*. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 155

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The Top

Today, two drop dead gorgeous Australians asked me for directions. Being so shocked by their beauty and accents, I couldn't get words out of my mouth. Then one said to the other, "Nope, she doesn't speak English", then walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 332

You deserved it 10 760

Today, I saw a bad car wreck. I pulled over and ran to the car to find an unconscious man behind the wheel. Another car pulled up, and a guy got out. I was relieved to have help, until, to my horror, he started trying to hit on me. I was stuck with him until the ambulance arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 125

You deserved it 3 296

Today, my new roommate moved in. One of the first conversations we had began with her asking where I wanted her to put my menstrual cup, which I had absentmindedly left in the bathroom sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 828

You deserved it 2 337

Today, in order to barely survive, I have to work two jobs that kill all my time. As a kid and teenager, my parents were strict to the bone, and I was bullied by my peers. I’m 25, single all my life. I left home at 18, but I’ve had no choice but to live by other people’s rules my whole life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 162

Today, after I flew 16 hours across the world to see my girlfriend, on the fifth day of the holiday we broke up because she ended up telling me she "can't do distance." After all those hours of flying, we spent the last 3 days in the hotel room mostly crying, and I asked her face to face, "Why did you break me?" She left; I'm broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 104

Today, my ex got a new girlfriend. I genuinely don’t care who he dates, I just know that now I’m in for 3 to 6 months of performative angry phone calls, court summons, and social media slander, all while he plays up sympathy from the new chick. He doesn’t care about our kids and pulls this same stunt repeatedly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 100