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Welcome to Glasgow!

By Anonymous - 28/04/2022 02:00

Today, we arrived in Scotland for our holiday, specifically because we were told it’s one of the friendliest places in the UK. First I was mugged, then my car was broken into and my laptop stolen, then we tried to at least go out for dinner and a drunk told us to, "Fuck off back to 'Curry Country'." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 145

You deserved it 201

Trippin' out

By Anonymous - 21/08/2023 08:00

Today, my dog ate an entire bag of my boyfriend’s shrooms. She got incredibly sick and had to be admitted to doggie hospital. My entire family was worried that we would lose her. All except my boyfriend, who was more upset that his shrooms were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 333

By anon - 18/07/2019 14:00

Today, my wife and I got into an argument. She ran out, yelling. Later, at work, I felt guilty, so I picked up some flowers and a card. When I presented them to her, she looked puzzled. I made the mistake of reminding her about our argument. She is now mad at me, again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 072

You deserved it 323

Haircut, haiiiiiirccuuuuuut

By Shrek - 16/03/2021 20:01

Today, after we went and spent $30 to get our two youngest boys hair cut last weekend, they snuck my beard trimmer and had a go at doing it themselves. Guess whose heads are buzzed now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 188

Legend

By Anonymous - 23/03/2021 10:59 - United States

Today, I tripped really hard and twisted my ankle on a toy that was on the floor, dropping a bag of trash filled with coffee and energy drinks my husband has piled around his desk. Instead of helping me up or helping me clean, he berated me about it. Told me that it's not my problem and went to his LoL game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 168

You deserved it 175

**** those guys

By Conversion - 13/05/2022 02:00 - United States

Today, I work in healthcare databases, mostly child abuse, so I'd been looking forward to a weekend obstacle course, organized by a friend of a friend. After getting the details, I realized the event will raise funds for pro-life and LGBT conversion therapy. My new plans involve drinking and moving out of state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 194

You deserved it 327

Golden rain

By Username - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff - Korea, Republic of

Today, I was sitting on the porch of my apartment when my drunk upstairs neighbour decided to take a piss. I got my first golden shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 457

You deserved it 209

By maza - 09/08/2019 22:00

Today, I made a nice meal for myself and sat down to eat. Suddenly, my dad burst into my room saying, “We have to go.” This isn’t the first time it’s happened, nor was it an emergency. My family just doesn’t tell me when we have plans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 814

You deserved it 182

Free advertising

By Hidingforever - 18/06/2022 12:00

Today, I accidentally joined my Zoom class meeting with my cam girl account. The whole class now knows what my breasts look like, and know that my nickname is “CumKitten.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 388

You deserved it 2 154

This is America

By Anonymous - 24/09/2023 00:02

Today, I found out that my rent is going up by $100. This is the third year in a row. I'm on SSI ($914/month) and it was $550 when I moved in before the pandemic. I'm also morbidly obese, schizophrenic, and my family doesn't respect me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 803

Sorry, friend

By How could the fuck I know? - 12/04/2021 17:00

Today, I was given my Covid-19 test results after a friend and I went to take one. I had been sneezing and having fevers lately, and out of solidarity, my friend also took the test to give me the courage to do so. I tested negative, but my friend didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 173

SO FRUSTRATING!

By Squidward tentacles - 24/09/2023 22:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I can't seem to get off having sex with my wife. I've tried going to brothels, but I just end up watching YouTube shorts with the girls after failing to finish. The only thing that gets me off now is masturbating in my bed to the memory of an affair I had with a woman back in 2020. FML

I agree, your life sucks 189

You deserved it 1 328

Consequences

By you’re one to talk! - 27/06/2022 02:00 - United States

Today, I reluctantly went to a family get together. My nosy aunt decided to try to lecture me on why I should spank my kids. That’s great coming from a woman who was a teen mom, had kids with 3 different guys, and now has grown kids that hate her guts. Yeah I truly need lessons on how to be a mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 117

Dog's dinner

By Bad Pet Sitter - 27/09/2023 08:00 - United States

Today, it's been a week since my brother asked me to watch his dog while he's on a business trip. I let his dog out to do his business, and he ran right in front of a pickup. The driver didn't stop in time, and crushed the dog's head. I went to check on him. He's dead, and I will be too when my brother gets back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 403

You deserved it 887

Beautiful mind

By Anonymous - 21/03/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I failed a Rorschach test. How do you fail a Rorschach test? WTF. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 118

Lonesome tonight

By FriendzonedAFBoi - 24/03/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I realized that in order to get a girl, I have to lose 100lbs and/or get facial reconstruction. If I meet a girl, we get close, I do everything to make her happy, only to be told, “I only like you as a friend.” I also get told that I’d make a “great boyfriend” yet they don’t choose me. Being overlooked sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 355

Incoherent mess

By Anonymous - 06/10/2023 02:30 - United States - San Diego

Today, I'm super sick with a sinus infection and delirious from a lack of sleep and all the meds. When I walked into math class, a boy asked if he could sit next to me. In my head I tried to say, "This is college you have the freedom to sit anywhere you want." All that came out was, "Freedom… everywhere." FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 234

When I Try to Look Good on Camera

By FML Approved - 04/09/2017 22:31

THE CUPCAKE THOUGH

I agree, your life sucks 343

You deserved it 436

Rush hour

By lateforwork - 02/09/2019 14:00

Today, whilst heading out the door to go to work, my lanyard got caught on the doorknob inside, and I watched my keys swing back inside as the door closed behind me. It was locked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 756

You deserved it 259

Are you winning?

By Anonymous - 07/04/2025 15:00 - United States - Akron

Today, I bought grapes. Just grapes. At the checkout, the total was $14. I laughed. The cashier didn’t. Now I'll be eating one grape a day like it's caviar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 123

Happy Birthday to the Ground

By FML Approved - 11/09/2017 22:31

So many FMLs happen on birthdays. They should probably be avoided altogether.

I agree, your life sucks 582

You deserved it 135

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

By Anonymous - 17/07/2022 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, after my housemate handed in his notice to vacate without telling me beforehand, I had few days whilst working to make a decision to stay or vacate. In a panic, I chose vacate. On my day off I sat down with my finances and discovered I can't afford elsewhere. I asked to stay, my landlord put up rent by 50%. I might now become homeless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 255

Misguided

By Anonymous - 27/10/2023 22:00

Today, my dad invited me to a bar that turned out to be a brothel, because “it’s pathetic that I’m still a virgin and it’s past time I just get it over with.” I’m not a virgin, I’ve just never been with a woman because I’m gay and still haven’t told my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 215

By Flutie - 27/10/2017 22:00

Today, I went to a haunted house with my fiancé. A few minutes in, I saw someone following us so I turned and screamed. She ran off and my fiancé explained that she wasn't an actor, just a lady with a pigment disorder. I can never go back there again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 418

You deserved it 783

No BigMac for you

By Anonymous - 17/09/2019 18:00 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, after months of searching for any kind of work, I finally received a call. It was McDonald's, but they said I was overqualified for the position. I thought they took anyone with a heart rate. Apparently not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 731

You deserved it 118

Did I ever?

By Anonymous - 27/04/2025 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I’d never felt like a ho before, until I was at a party where someone decided we needed to play 'Never Have I Ever', and I’d done everything sexual that people were coming up with. I actually felt disgusted at myself. I might need Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 176

You deserved it 482

How Soon is Now?

By Anonymous - 14/05/2021 19:59 - Colombia - Bogota

Today, I realized that my boyfriend‘s birthday was two weeks ago, so I immediately sent him a message as if it was today. He didn’t believe my excuses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 189

You deserved it 1 934

Call me by my name

By Tim Scotten - 18/05/2021 06:01

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Her new nickname for me is "Mr. Breakfast Sausage." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 229

You deserved it 252

Very sus behaviour

By Anonymous - 11/11/2023 22:00 - Germany

Today, after 5 months in his new apartment, the only kitchenware my boyfriend has unpacked is one single butter knife. He will not unpack the rest, or let me do it for him, so if I want to so much as eat a yoghurt or stir my coffee, I have to bring my own spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 183

Nice guy

By Anonymous - 25/05/2021 01:59 - Australia

Today, I found out that four years ago, my fiancé and the father of my children had sex with my younger sister twice, one of those times being in my house while our baby and I were sleeping in the next room. Couldn’t be better timing as I start chemotherapy in 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 026

You deserved it 134

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The Top

Today, I found an old toy that I gave to my daughter several years ago. It was still unopened, and long forgotten, so I decided to re-gift it to one of my friend's children. My daughter immediately remembered her "favorite" toy and started crying inconsolably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 748

You deserved it 11 843

Today, my dad came to pick me up early for the Christmas break. He walked in on me cleaning all 19 of my sex toys. That's more than one sex toy per year that I've lived. I now have to face a 7-hour drive from Montreal to Toronto with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 304

You deserved it 44 352

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to let my 19-month-old son watch me pee, since I'm trying to potty train him. I didn't consider that he might try to grab my penis. When he did, I was startled and peed all over the floor and my son. Good job dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 564

You deserved it 24 665

Today, my car was broken into. What was stolen? My steering wheel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 708

You deserved it 157

Today, my mom wrote me an email, asking how I was doing after an accident yesterday. I wrote back at length, telling her everything in detail. Two hours later, she calls me on the phone, asking how I am. She was simply too lazy to check her mail and expected me to tell her everything a second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 198

Today, I received a "Happy Birthday" text from my ex. I thought maybe she missed me, but when I replied with a polite, "Thank you," they responded with "Sorry, wrong person. However, fuck you." Ouch. Happy birthday to me, indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 549

You deserved it 193