Today, my mom introduced me to everyone we met as her "special needs child." They all seemed to believe her. FML
Today, my mother told me to my face that if she could do it all over again, she wouldn't have had kids. Thanks, Mum. It's not like I asked to be born. FML
Today, at work, we had a fire drill. I was the first to run out of the building, but in my haste, I tripped on the stairs, and rolled down the flight. When I got to the bottom, I tried to stand up, but my ankle was already swelling. What felt like the entire office watched as I limped to the designated meeting point. FML
Today, as always, I'm not allowed to like anything, be it a food, type of music, TV show, book, video game, or even a color, without my parents asking me to explain why I like it. FML
Today, during my sister’s baby shower, my 3 year-old daughter choked on a piece of food. My sister got upset because this apparently attracted a lot of attention from the other guests, and called my daughter an “attention whore” for “choosing today of all days to make a damn scene.” FML
Today, I wore out yet another set of headphones. This is the third one in a year. I need my headphones whenever I go outside because I have sensory processing disorder, and a multitude of hearing disorders that painfully enhance my hearing. Guess I'm stuck at home until I can buy pair number four. FML
Today, in my school's rugby grand final, I had to take a penalty kick to win the game. Possibly the easiest kick I've taken all year. I stuff it up, and it completely missed. A crowd of 2000 people laughed, and later booed me off the field. FML
Today, I was at a Baskin Robbins, and because of COVID, I don’t take any coin change. The cashier handed me $1 and a cent. I said, “Keep the penny.” That basically meant, “You're worth a penny”. She gave me the stink eye as I was leaving. FML
Today, my husband came home and sat in his car out front for fifteen minutes. I went and knocked on the door, asking what he was doing. Apparently, I always dump so much shit on him the second he walks in the door that he needs a little peace between work and coming home to me. Ungrateful ass. FML
Today, I was starting my new job in the city. A man with a torn suit on came up to me and asks me for spare change. In a hurry to catch a taxi, I declined and rushed to catch one. At the office, my boss was late. About an hour later, I found out the man in the suit was my boss. He was attacked. FML
Today, I was considering joining the army, so I asked my veteran uncle what the worst bits are. He told me the worst was learning for yourself just how horrible it is to see the light go out behind someone’s eyes as they die with your bullet in their chest. I don’t want to join the army anymore. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend would rather jerk off to porn than to ever touch me, even if I wear a naughty outfit. FML
Today, my slutty ex, whom I'd dumped because she cheated on me, cheated on her new boyfriend as well. With me. FML
Today, my son tried extort me into turning the WiFi back on by hiding my purse. He was mad because he'd lost access for being disrespectful. FML
Today, Christmas got cancelled this Saturday because of my narcissistic sister being upset that the guest list has two of her old friends, who are now my friends. It's my first Christmas with my family or friends in 23 years, and my mum even offered her a separate dinner on the 25th, but nope. FML
KittyT tells us more.
KittyT 14
the 2 friends are our other sister(was adopted when we were her and I were 12 and we had a falling out as teenagers and made up recently), and her ex best friend who was clear that he had no interest in her and never would... but my sister was delusional.that would change... then our other sister and her ex best friend met and started flirting and she attacked them for it.
Today, I "woofed" at a man on a gay dating site before realizing he's my Psych professor. Now during every lecture I'll never forget his nipples are pierced. FML
Today, someone said that giving men gifts is so easy, just pay attention to what he says. He wants Chelsea on top of the league table. How am I supposed to do that? FML
Today, I decided to buy my Chinese Studies professor a gift from Taiwan, so I got her a mini-Taiwanese passport that said "Republic of China" on it. As it turns out, it was actually a two-pack of travel condoms. FML
Today, I realized my husband of 30 years consistently makes fun of me in front of friends, and he gets mad when I express opinions contrary to his. I don't think he respects me. FML
Today, I’ve had it with my best friend. She is a very jealous individual, who is never happy for me. I told her I was going to be a grandma again to ANOTHER set of twins, this time paternal, and we are going to have 6 grandbabies now. She got an attitude, and said, “Well, isn’t that nice” and then insulted me. FML
Today, I’m at a water park with my kids and their two friends. We all just got back from vacation where I got to see my wife every day. Now she’s back at work, and I won’t see her during the day. I go back to work tomorrow. For now, I’m at this park, bored as fuck, and lonely as hell. FML
Today, I used my towel on the counter to clean my glasses. Apparently, my foster cat had peed on it during the night. The wet towel hit my mouth. I started out my day with cat pee on my lips. FML
Today, I had to explain to my husband, who lost 250 pounds and has never been healthier, that no, he does not get a pass to sleep around to "make up" for all the sex he missed when he was young and fat. FML
Today, I realized that I'm on the top of not having my drivers license/ state ID (I was submitting my taxes and needed it) I also threw away my brand new passport because I thought it was trash in my boyfriends car. FML
Today, while demonstrating to my wife how I broke my big toe, I broke the little toe on the opposite foot. FML
Today, my class had a group project. The teacher allowed people to opt to do it alone. I, an introvert with crippling social anxiety, was the only one to do it alone. I still finished before everyone else, with an A. The other students called me a "freak" and many other names, simply because I work better alone. FML
Today, to make a good impression, I brought in homemade blueberry muffins for my newish coworkers. Everyone loved them, up until the guy with a nut allergy had to be rushed to the hospital. Turns out my almond milk wasn’t as "nut-free" as I thought. Welcome to the team! FML
Today, I finally got an answer as to why I've felt like crap this past week when I tested positive for COVID. My wife, a healthcare professional, is now madly Googling proof that COVID is fake, because she thinks it an elaborate ruse for me to not visit her grandmother next week. FML
Today, I have a job test coming in two days. Today was also the perfect time for me to catch the flu. The flu affects me badly for a week, whereas this job test opportunity for a city job that pays well happens once every 10 years. I won't get this opportunity again. FML
Today, mid-sex, my wife told me to call her a nasty slut. I was kind of uncomfortable doing it, but I did it to make her horny. She started crying, because she didn’t realise how much it would hurt her feelings. Now I’m not sure if she’s mad at me or herself, but I’m scared either way. FML
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