Today, my local pub has now closed so now the only bar within staggering distance of my house is an entertainment centre. So now, if I want to drink myself blotto, I can no longer do it in peace and quiet, I have to do it to the background noise of some cartoon monkey and 100 rotten kids screaming. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got kicked out of my favorite pub. I yelled at the group behind me for being annoying. They were extremely irritating, singing songs and cheering, but the manager decided to kick me out instead. FML
Today, my friends and I go to a bar and get wasted. I walk around and see a kid. I start yelling, "There's a child in this bar! There's a CHILD in this BAR!" She turns around. She was a midget. FML
Today, I was kicked out of a comedy club for laughing too loudly. FML
Today, I live in an apartment and all I can hear is my neighbours' bratty kids screaming with their new toys. Not only do I hate kids, making this absolute torture, I also work nights and only fell into bed at 6 a.m. this morning, so that’s 4 hours trying to sleep so far and I’m back at work in 5 hours. FML
Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML
Today, I can’t get over that my husband will watch children’s movies all by himself, even though we don’t have kids. Seriously, I brought a friend over today and when we walked in he was drinking beer, watching a cartoon movie about a ladybird-themed superhero girl. It was so embarrassing. FML
Today, I'm getting kicked out of my flat because my drunk friends stole a pony and left it tied outside. FML
Today, I was drunk at a festival. I finally found the chippy, only to spend 7 quid on chips and curry sauce that my deck chair was never going to let me eat. FML
Today, I went to a new bar with friends. After arriving I became extremely gassy, so I planned a smooth release during the loud music. Little did I know, the bar occasionally dips its music to hear the guests singing. When the music turned off, all eyes turned to me. FML
Today, my husband stormed out to the pub because he couldn’t stand listening to my mother droning on and on about the same stories she always tells and the programmes she watches everyday. He didn’t think of taking me with him, so I had to stay and listen to the boring old bat. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
If the goal is to become blotto, the overwhelmingly obvious solution is to drink at home. It's cheaper and safer. If you're interested in the social aspect, then you have to find a pub.
OfficialMrD 3
Drinking to get blotto should be done at home A bar or pub is supposed to get a relaxing buzz
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Comments (5)
Plop 17
I don't want to sound mean, and am in no way judging you buuuut... You sound like you may have quite a bit of a drinking problem. Please go talk to someone about it.
RichardPencil 32
If the goal is to become blotto, the overwhelmingly obvious solution is to drink at home. It's cheaper and safer. If you're interested in the social aspect, then you have to find a pub.
OfficialMrD 3
Drinking to get blotto should be done at home A bar or pub is supposed to get a relaxing buzz
BurnInDemonFire 39
I haven't read an FML this pathetic in a while.
Hangryko 32
Boo-hoo, buy your own booze and drink at home.