The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs

Cat Fight · 2 July 2022, 22:00 ·United States

Happy Caturday

Today, my cats started fighting again. Normally, I let them, because it's the only exercise they get. But this time one of my cats sliced the other's nose, and he responded by pinning her and nearly choking her to death. When I ran in to stop them, they teamed up against me. Ah, somethin' don't feel too good… FML

I agree, your life sucks 676 You deserved it 435

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Anonymous · 6 May 2021, 22:01 🌶️ Spicy

Masterchef

Today, I'm 3 months pregnant and have seemingly started having sex dreams about other men. Last night, I had a passionate affair with an older man. Who was it? Joe Bastianich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793 You deserved it 223

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Anonymous · 28 October 2023, 16:00

Not again

Today, I was concerned I hadn’t restarted my periods yet after the birth of our first child. Turns out it’s because I’m pregnant again already. We must have gotten pregnant off the very first egg I released after giving birth. Our first baby is only 3 months old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341 You deserved it 761

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Anonymous · 3 October 2019, 14:00 ·Baulkham Hills, Australia

Family Fortunes

Today, I met the family of the guy I’m seeing, and they are all amazing. I’m scared to tell him I have a schizophrenic mum and a raging alcoholic dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 813 You deserved it 146

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Anonymous · 14 November 2023, 10:00

No fun allowed

Today, my wife has declared that, unless our son has finished his homework, I'm not to watch TV, play video games, read, use my phone, cook, or go outside, lest I "tempt him" to leave his work unfinished. Guess I'll just stare at the wall all afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544 You deserved it 258

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Username · 2 October 2019, 14:00

Life is a roller coaster

Today, it's my birthday and my mom took me and some friends to an amusement park. Looking for a tampon, I found a phone in my mom's purse that I didn't recognize. Turns out my mom is cheating on my dad. Happy birthday to me, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 922 You deserved it 179

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Mike · 24 May 2021, 13:59

Strange domestic arrangement

Today, because I wanted to let my cat have his breakfast before I used the bathroom, which is also his dining room, I learned that when your day starts with shitting your pants, things can only get better from there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 368 You deserved it 975

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Anonymous · 16 November 2023, 14:00 ·Portugal

The heart wants what it wants

Today, I realized I'm in love with both my boyfriend of several years as well with a guy I recently met, meaning I'm polyamorous (which I always kinda knew). The problem is I don't want to leave my current boyfriend, and I really want to be with the new guy, but both situations are incompatible, which is making me miserable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 214 You deserved it 1 224

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potting shed woman · 27 May 2021, 04:01

White collar crime

Today, after I told my boss I'd found a serious error that cost the company thousands each year, I found out he'd fled abroad. Turns out the error was him stealing for the past 40 years, our entire department is under investigation and the owner is considering scrapping our office and firing us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 598 You deserved it 90

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Anonymous · 29 May 2021, 04:01

Urges

Today, I accidentally bought chicken fingers. I couldn't even make it two days as a vegetarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 302 You deserved it 988

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Anonymous · 26 November 2023, 00:00

Tetchy

Today, I got home and my wife asked me why I hadn’t taken the bin out or cleaned the living room. I asked her why she hadn’t done it since she got fired 6 months ago for laziness and since then has sat on her ass watching daytime TV instead of job searching. She threw a mug at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966 You deserved it 180

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Anonymous · 5 June 2025, 15:00 ·Vienna, Austria

Very suspicious activity

Today, my boyfriend says he is not cheating, because he has "not met them." He just follows half-naked women, likes only the most revealing pictures, and messages them in private. But yes, he is "not cheating." FML

I agree, your life sucks 483 You deserved it 147

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itchyitch · 30 October 2019, 14:00 ·Monterey Park, United States

Cheapskate suds

Today, it turns out the beautiful, "organic" artisanal soap my boyfriend gave me actually came from the 99 cents store. He just wrapped it in some cellophane and gave it to me. I’m currently itching to death from the godawful rash and hives it gave me. I may need to go to the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 008 You deserved it 258

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Anonymous · 20 June 2021, 11:00

Shoulda woulda coulda

Today, I did the math: back at college in 2011, I had a $20,000+ reimbursement from my school. If I had invested even half my cash into Bitcoin then ($2.50), I would be worth over $120,000,000. Instead, I said, "Fuck that! This is stupid", and am now over $200,000 in student loan debt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 948 You deserved it 356

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Squat punk · 30 June 2025, 12:00 ·United States

Won't someone please think of the landlords?

Today, the house I squat in with my punks got sold. The fascist fucker showed up with a baseball bat, two mean dogs, and a shotgun, and ordered us out. Now we're back to sleeping in our old van until we can find a new place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130 You deserved it 1 709

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Nate · 9 September 2022, 05:30

Moral conundrum

Today, my baby mama got her septum pierced. It's funny that if I called her a cow, she’d likely break up with me. But she gets the same ring in her nose as a cow, and NO ONE is supposed to notice that. I can only think of cows when I see it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 519 You deserved it 983

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dudeWTF · 3 July 2021, 10:59 ·United States

Peter and Pan

Today, after a great double date with my best friend and two really hot guys, we went back to my place. My friend and I left the guys in the living room to go grab some more wine. When we came back, we found our dates making out with each other on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 169 You deserved it 189

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annoyed · 12 July 2021, 22:01 ·Banbury, United Kingdom

Second opinion

Today, after three years of being in physical pain, which affects my health and daily life, I was told it's an undiagnosable condition that I'll have to deal with for a long time, as there are no answers and no fixable solution. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 034 You deserved it 112

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Anonymous · 20 March 2020, 03:30

Yeah, that probably wouldn't work

Today, a coworker was telling me he was lonely and needed someone special in his life. I replied, "Why don't you find yourself a girlfriend?" He looked at me weird and said, "I'm gay." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 496 You deserved it 539

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dumbass stereotypes · 25 March 2020, 20:00

The Gordon Ramsey of Racism

Today, I was chatting with a guy on a dating site. He accused me of being a liar and trying to catfish him after I told him I like my steak medium-rare. According to him, that can’t possibly be true because black people only eat their steaks well done. No exceptions. What an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 201 You deserved it 254

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Anonymous · 29 July 2021, 22:01 ·Prostejov, Czech Republic

It's alright

Today, I dreamt of my mom. She came over to me, and said, "Hey, I'm alright, the doctors were wrong." My mom died 4 months ago due to Covid-19 complications, and waking up shouldn't be so painful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 583 You deserved it 88

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Don't complain about good fortune · 21 February 2024, 00:00 ·United States

Black balled

Today, my wife somehow found out that my "surprise bonus" from earlier this year was actually hush money from my boss to keep quiet about her affair. Rather than let a good thing alone, she threw a fit and called my boss's husband. Now I'm jobless, and my boss has sworn I'll never work in my industry again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762 You deserved it 312

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Anonymous · 18 April 2020, 08:00 🌶️ Spicy

Hello everyone!

Today, my boyfriend and I were sexting, and he asked me if I would be naked and waiting for him when he got home. When he told me he was on his way, I took my clothes off and got into bed. What he didn’t tell me was he was bringing friends to pick up a desk from our place for their office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 150 You deserved it 385

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kateannobrien · 11 August 2021, 20:01

Tell us more

Today, my birthday was terrible yet again. This year, my boyfriend skipped celebrating with me at all. Last year, he guilt-tripped me about ‘having’ to spend time with me and got me two gift certificates that were unusable due to COVID. These weren’t even my worst birthdays to date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 915 You deserved it 211

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Anonymous · 9 May 2020, 20:00

Tinfoil hat wearers are everywhere

Today, I overheard my mom on the phone ranting about how China "engineered and released" the coronavirus and the giant hornets in an attempt to take over the world. Only one more month of quarantine left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 572 You deserved it 275

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GiannyLuv · 27 August 2021, 20:01

Congratulations

Today, I was supposed to be a bridesmaid at my friend's wedding. Instead, I'm bedridden with the effects of fibromyalgia. When I called my friend to let her know I wouldn't be making it, her response was, "Can't you get fiber-malgia some other time and hurry the fuck up and come? This place charges by the hour." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 209 You deserved it 199

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Anonymous · 31 May 2020, 02:03

Priorities

Today my husband cried tears of joy because we now have dates for : 1 - When our son can go back to school, and 2 - When the pubs will reopen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 286 You deserved it 347

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dumblonde76 · 14 September 2021, 14:00 ·Jackson, United States

Poot

Today, I had a rumble in my tummy whilst picking up groceries. I tried to let out a little poot, but ended up shitting in my pants. I had to leave without the groceries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928 You deserved it 395

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Anonymous · 15 December 2022, 21:00 ·Budapest, Hungary

Cruel trick

Today, it's my one-year anniversary of being sober. For the occasion, my father decided to spice-up my non-alcoholic cocktail with booze. I didn't realize, and drank it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 722 You deserved it 139

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Anonymous · 3 October 2021, 05:01 ·United States

Emotional rollercoaster

Today, my dad all but told me that he ignores me and my advice on purpose, just so he can yell at me for pestering him when I get annoyed, and being ignored really ticks me off. Then my mom, who is the more level-headed one, didn't even scold him for it. This is why I have acute self-esteem issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 811 You deserved it 221

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