Today, I picked up on a telemarketer and started speaking in Portuguese. It turns out that this particular telemarketer spoke it as well. Every time I hung up, he called back. Telemarketers get really excited when they find out someone else speaks their language. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, for the third time this week, a telemarketer called me. Seriously annoyed, I told him in German that I don't speak English, in an attempt to get rid of him. He then started delivering his product pitch in German. FML
Today, I got a phone call, and the person on the other line started speaking French. I assumed it was my friend, since we usually speak French with each other, so I said in French, "What do you want, asshole?" It wasn't my friend. It was a representative for the exchange program I'm applying for. FML
Today, while at work as a telemarketer, I called a customer on his home phone. Once I was connected, an automated voice said, "To speak with a customer, please press 1." Confused, I pressed one. I then heard loud laughter followed by, "Oh my god! What a dumbass!" before they hung up. FML
Today, I was unable to communicate with a customer who only spoke French. As a result, my boss called me a "monolingual idiot." I speak Spanish, German, and Japanese. FML
Today, a customer came in who only spoke Spanish. I speak Spanish rather well so I helped the customer. She ended up buying $2300 worth of stuff. I got written up because not speaking English apparently "has the potential be offensive to other customers if they are not able to understand you." FML
Today, after hanging up the phone, I realised that telemarketers are my only form of social life. FML
Today, I gave a presentation to a group of international clients. Wanting to impress them, I tried to say "Thank you" in their language, which I thought was Portuguese. Turns out, I was speaking Spanish to a room full of French Canadians. Their confused faces were priceless. FML
Today, a lady at the clothing store told me to, “Stop speaking 'Mexicano', this is America!” when I was talking on the phone. I actually speak Portuguese. When I pointed this out, she verbally tortured me and threatened to, “Call the cops” if I didn’t leave her store for, “making her feel threatened.” FML
Today, I was so lonely that I pretended I wanted to buy something from a telemarketer so that they would keep talking to me. FML
Today, I was so desperately lonely that I begged a telemarketer not to hang up on me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
MyMuse7 0
lol tell him to "**** off" in Portuguese. :)
makenna2011 6
lol next time you pick up use a different language
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (127)
MyMuse7 0
lol tell him to "**** off" in Portuguese. :)
mariazzz 5
haha my thoughts exactly!
robbiboyo 0
try English next time he calls, it might throw him off and make him stop calling.
sweet_candy_ 17
No 16 that doesn't work they will call back and say you speak English perfectly fine or they will talk to you very slowly so you can understand.
duravian 1
how is this an FML...?
raven02 0
no dude u try to sell them something..they get mad and don't call back...long story but it worked
iSitt 0
what country do Portuguese hate the most ? say you're from there.
sophie2212_fml 0
just argue their business isn't real for a while... they get really angry :)
SammieJoeG 7
The best way I've found to get rid of them is to start breathing really heavily into the receiver and whisper in a creepy voice "I like to watch" they hang up pretty quickly but trying to sell them your couch works equally well. Or if the ask the popular question "are you happy with your phone service?" reply with "no, no I'm not. Half way through a conversation it just..." then hang up.
Tuesdays76 0
Lol at 33, he speaks from experience.
boomsl4ng 11
aha "vai pro caralho" usually works!!!! lol
nalia18 8
no no no all of you are wrong. you tell them you see them or say " i get a bonner everytime we talk" it especially works wen its a girl talking. very very affective
Snookie123Babe 0
lol
Snookie123Babe 0
watch it! I'm Portuguese!!
Pawned71 0
83 ROFL
luizocoke 0
FML is probably from brazil and the country would be Argentina,
robbiboyo 0
Don't pick up?
ImaWiseGuy 5
maybe just maybe she's doing her job, considering the fact calling people is their job...
ImaWiseGuy 5
he's**
iSitt 0
I once gave ten bucks to a police charity telemark. they sold my number to other groups and my phone rang several times a day for years. I turned off the ringer and only responded to the answering machine.
robbiboyo 0
Yeah, but to call back repeatedly just to talk to someone that also speaks Portuguese isn't part of their job.
irokyoursox 6
I used to get like 3 calls a day for a "thomas mcnamer" so I had to change my number
Sparx1_1 16
Being treated like shit isn't part of their job either - OP deserved it.
LunaNstars 0
hahahaha okay
Pawned71 0
lol I just speak Ukrainian nobody gets it
makenna2011 6
lol next time you pick up use a different language
Mewzakuro240 0
And hope he doesn't know that one too.
makenna2011 6
lol seriously! that's why you make one up haha
Nimmrodel 11
Speak Elvish that should confuse him
cupcakeslayer 0
I've always wanted to try this.
bubblekitty 1
okay now calm down
bubblekitty 1
I meant the people commenting not the OP.
hessman239 0
dayyyyuuummm baby your fineeee
immja 0
talk in Russian. I never here of Russian telemarketers.
xtacticalswarmx 0
Het!!
angelit0 4
cause!!! in soviet Russian you call telemarketers!! sorry I had to do it lol...
mfjkr 10
in soviet Russia car drives you
TheRussian7 0
lol that's cuz we don't go into businesses like that
countrygirl30 14
I never hear of Portuguese ones either.
jes1610 6
except numbers come up on their screen at random making it impossible to call back. I call fake.
jes1610 6
what exactly did I get modded for? I pointed out a total fact that it's impossible
giantsfan2010 23
Once you call someone their number is stored in the phone. At least that's how my phone works. So they were probably able to call back over and over again.
jes1610 6
it shouldn't work like that. I'm pretty sure telemarketers can't choose who they call
futtbuck101 1
Your mom gets really excited when I speak her language...
Crazy4Christ 0
rude and gross!
Nimmrodel 11
And not funny
Primo_Loco 0
yea Ima have to agree, that was just stupid and immature.
itz_towelie 6
i wonder what language he is refering to?
you_freak 7
It's a secret language only retards understand
futtbuck101 1
Are you calling your own mother a retard? Anyways I was just doing the old napoleon dynamite move.
ariannaa_fml 17
my mom is dead...
brandddi69 0
I actually thought that was kinda funny.
mendes1987 0
dumbass
sweet_candy_ 17
I do that all the time. I used to do it in Spanish but they will get you someone that speaks Spanish. anyways fyl for picking up.
hypuuurness 6
lol