Today, I told my family about my dreams to get a modern car and house with my girlfriend, since I'm tired of fixing my '90s car and paying for my dad's rent and doing all his housework. They then told me I'm selfish for trying to leave them and that I don't care about them. FML
Today, I got fired from my job. My boss is my brother. His reason being that, "it would create awkward tension between us." I've been working for him for 5 years, and it's like he's only just realised that I was there. FML
Today, I found out my email hasn't been working for 10 days. Normally, this wouldn't be a big deal, but it just so happens that a position opened up for my dream job while this was happening. I would have gotten the job, but instead they gave it to someone I just finished training. FML
Today, my girlfriend was cooking dinner. To my horror, she took the chicken out and immediately began scrubbing it with dish soap. When I asked what the hell she was doing, she stared at me like I was insane. FML
Today, after an ex let me know I have a 19 year old-son. I was beyond excited so I spent the weekend with them and I can tell you now, the boy is a complete prick, and I prefer to continue to claim I’m childless rather than admit I fathered that arrogant, rude, selfish, entitled little shit. FML
Today, I was the organist for a wedding. I had practiced for weeks, rehearsed with the choir many times and spent hours stressing. During the wedding march, the electric organ malfunctioned, adding on layers of random notes I didn't play. Guess who got yelled at afterwards. FML
Today, my teenage daughter insisted it was my job to take down the tray full of empty dishes, because I was the one who had carried it upstairs. Sound logic, so far. Why had I carried the tray upstairs? To serve her breakfast in bed. FML
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. It isn’t acrimonious, no-one cheated, but his life will apparently “improve immeasurably” now, while mine will basically crash. I’ve spent the past 5 years working on improving as a person for him, and I thought I’d succeeded. FML
Today, I was unable to communicate with a customer who only spoke French. As a result, my boss called me a "monolingual idiot." I speak Spanish, German, and Japanese. FML
Today, my girlfriend complained that we never have sex anymore. The only way she ever wants sex is missionary, with barely any foreplay. When I asked if we could spice things up and mentioned a few simple ideas, she said the conversation was making her uncomfortable and changed the subject. FML
Today, my husband forgot to log out of his laptop. Out of curiosity, I checked what was on the screen. It turns out he has his own blog where he shares all the intimate details about our sex life. FML
Today, I found out my coworker faked having COVID so she could go on vacation. I guess she forgot that we follow each other on Instagram. I saw all her pictures of her drinking and at the beach enjoying herself. I’ve been doing the bulk of her work and staying overtime. FML
Today, not only can I not get a real boyfriend, I can't even get one on the Sims. FML
Today, our stupid pediatrician gave an anal suppository for our toddler's consistent tummy ache. She is NEVER constipated and passes stools regularly twice a day. Guess who had to hold down a 3-year-old and put in the medicine - which did not help with the tummy ache. I can't live with myself now. FML
Today, I found out the time I'd requested off for a trip in 2 months, that my boss said that I could go on, wasn't fully processed, just in case he decided I couldn't go. He told me the second part after I'd bought no refund tickets for shows for both me and my girlfriend. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me in tears because the love of his life has decided to move on with another man. He is currently on his way over to cry on my shoulder about it. FML
Today, I'm sharing a hospital room with an 80-year-old. She's a nice lady, but keeps walking around in her hospital gown with no underwear on. I accidentally glanced in her direction as she was bending over. I saw everything. FML
Today, I had to explain to my mom that the bruises I have all over my body are not due to abuse, but because I'm into really rough sex. FML
Today, a few few friends, along with my long-time crush of mine came over to my house so we could finish a school project. As soon as he stepped into my house, he went pale, turned heel, and refused to step foot in my house. Why? Because the bison taxidermy above my fireplace scares him. FML
Today, and everyday for the past year and a half, I've felt miserable. I took the decision to leave, not knowing that it would be hell. Now I'm stuck thinking it's good for my future, and too scared to leave. I hate it and hate everything and everyone in this place. I want to leave and I need the courage. The future terrifies me. FML
Today, when I warned my guests to check the toilet for snakes, I meant it. FML
Today, I was sent to the counsellor, who had already informed the cops, because I refused to take off my wristbands. They thought I had cut my wrists. I was trying to hide handcuff marks from kinky sex, and had to explain it to the cops, counsellor, college professors and two of my classmates. FML
MiraR tells us more.
MiraR 15
Hey everyone! OP here. Just registered my account.Thank you so much for your comments.. Yes I know it's good that they care... but it also was quite embarassing... As to better handcuffs, I've learnt my lesson.. No more cheap deals from ebay!
Today, I got way too bored and stoned, so I created a Tinder profile named "Covid" with a picture of the Coronavirus and a funny description. I'd never had so many matches. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Trying to be the bigger person, I told him, "Your loss, not mine." He responded with, "I didn’t lose anything really. You let yourself go. Have you looked in the mirror lately?” FML
Today, I was working from home. I felt very sleepy, so I set my online status “Active” and went back to bed. I woke up to 3 missed calls from my boss and an email from him, containing a webcam screenshot of me asleep in bed. I totally forgot he has remote access to my computer. FML
Today, I got written up at work for not cleaning up the breakfast area, and because multiple guests complained how sloppy and messy it looked. I'm on lockdown in a completely different country. FML
Today, I proposed to the girl of my dreams. She asked me who I was, and maced me. FML
Today, for my birthday, I got a hotel room for me and my boyfriend. He decided that spending time with a female friend was more important than spending time with me. FML
Today, I went into labor, and my husband wasn't answering his phone. I called my sister to ask her to drive me to the hospital but she said she'd only do it if I paid her $1000. I had to dial 911, and almost gave birth in my bathroom in process. FML
Today, my husband had his hands full with the shopping, so I was carrying the baby and the bag with our takeaway in it. I tripped down the steps and fell over. Did my husband ask if I or the baby were OK? Nope. But he did ask if I’d squashed his fish and chips. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
