Today, my girlfriend was cooking dinner. To my horror, she took the chicken out and immediately began scrubbing it with dish soap. When I asked what the hell she was doing, she stared at me like I was insane. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried to surprise my girlfriend by cooking dinner. As I was chopping onions, I cut my finger and started bleeding everywhere. She walked in, saw the blood on the onions, and almost passed out. FML
Today, I caught my girlfriend slowly and deliberately eating chicken wings while sitting in front of the cage while making eye contact with my beloved bird. When she saw me staring at her in horror, she let out the creepiest, most maniacal laugh I’ve ever heard. What the actual fuck?! FML
Today, my wife bitched at me for not washing my hands before handling the dishes. The dirty dishes. That were sitting in a sink of hot soapy water. According to her, the dirt from my hands was gonna make the dirty dishes even dirtier. Huh? FML
Today, while cooking with my girlfriend, I thought it would be funny to slap her with a raw porkchop. She thought it would be funny to throw the hot cooking grease on me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling after getting it on a few times. He holds my face in his hands, looks deep into my eyes and says "I smell chicken." FML
Today, while cooking supper with my boyfriend, we both smelled something funny. He tasted the sauce I was making, then asked me to taste it because something was off. I guess the burned Teflon of our cheap pot mixed with Ro-Tel just doesn't work that well. Now we're having dry chicken and plain noodles. FML
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, my girlfriend screamed at me for throwing away her food, calling me a sick, controlling psycho. When I pointed out that the seafood pasta I tossed was a week old and almost certainly rotten, she dug the box out of the trash and ate it to prove a point. Now she's got food poisoning and somehow it's my fault. FML
Today, I burned dinner because my girlfriend was yelling for me to help with a trivial problem. To salvage things, I ordered pizza. She spent the rest of the evening moaning that I ruined dinner, that we don't eat healthy, and that I "make us" waste money on food. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were out to dinner. She had to use the bathroom, so she went, but the food came while she was in there. She came out, yelling at me for ordering the food to come that exact time, then she broke up with me. FML
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Top comments
cuz803 46
Run...RUN....RUN!!!!!!!!
dreams2383 20
so gross. not only should you run but if you eat it you'll be getting the runs later
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Comments (7)
cuz803 46
Run...RUN....RUN!!!!!!!!
dreams2383 20
so gross. not only should you run but if you eat it you'll be getting the runs later
poopface82 25
I’ve heard of washing chicken, but I think she’s doing it wrong.
Brightside86 31
So TikTok thing, or did she drop them on the floor and tried to hide cleaning them?
Yudith 28
I think she did like my father-in-law; found it with spices on it, thought it was dirt, and washed the "dirt". However, in my father-in-law's case, it was cooked crab from a crab shack.
RichardPencil 32
With this bird flu, you can't be too safe. I hope she injected it with ivermectin and bleach to really stay healthy.
Anderling 33
Ah yes, the salmonella special.
FluffythePink 23
WTF? You probably want to reconsider this relationship on the grounds of not knowing if you'll wake up in six different suitcases one day.