Insomnia tip

Trumpet solo

Today, I tried to get to bed at a reasonable hour. Despite not deviating from what I typically eat, I was kept up nearly all night by my farts. The foods I eat typically don't give me gas this badly. FML

Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML

Today, in my sleep I let out a couple of farts. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, but on this night I had slept in my mom's room. She came to check in on me and violently woke me up because she thought I pooped in the bed. Now my entire family knows I fart in my sleep. FML

Today, I've had bad gas all day. In bed, almost asleep, I felt the urge to fart, and thinking nothing of it, I let it rip. It wasn't a fart. FML

Chill out zone

Today, while a patient in my local psych ward, I attended a relaxation group. Apparently it was too relaxing, as I farted in the middle of it. It smelled. People noticed. FML

Call the doctor

Today, I tried to go to bed on time, complete with going to the bathroom and not eating several hours before bed. I dunno why but for some strange reason I was woken up by my own flatulence. Again. I hadn't eaten several hours before bed to prevent this. FML

Growing old gracefully

Today, I found out that as I get closer to 40, I often need to wipe my arse when I fart. FML

Dinnertime

Today, the smell of my own fart made me feel hungry. FML

Gas giant

Today, while laying in bed, I let out a huge fart. I then heard my roommate yell from outside my room, "Did you think you were alone?" FML

Chemical warfare

Today, while sitting on the couch with my husband, I farted quietly. Not a big deal, except it's hot out and our fan was blowing in his face, and it stunk. FML