Today, I made a cup of coffee for a lovely old lady on the dementia ward. She asked for quite a lot of sugar in her drink, but I didn't question it. The moment I gave her the coffee, she threw it all over me. While scalding my skin, it also stuck to me. FML
Today, I went for dinner and bowling with a woman I met online. The Mexican food was great but my bowels started feeling it during our first game. I slipped on the bowling lane and the impact of my ass hitting the ground made me shit myself. FML
Today, I felt so unwell that I didn't fall asleep until 4 AM. The baby woke up at 5, ready to start the day. FML
Today, my university is capable of sending me two diplomas in short succession due to a clerical error, but can't recognize that I've graduated and won't be taking classes with them in the fall. FML
Today, while working at my dead-end call centre job that couldn't get any worse, I answered a call from a customer who was having loud sex. I still needed to sound professional and tell her when a product was released. FML
Today, I was in an elevator when some awkward geeky-looking guy walked in. He asked me how my day was, but I said, “You’re not my type, don’t even try.” An hour later, I was at a concert. Turns out he was the lead singer of the opening band. He glared at me angrily when he noticed me in the crowd. FML
Today, I fell and impaled my leg on a steel rod at work. The first guy to respond to my agonised cry for help must’ve been a total moron because he thought it was a prank and yanked on the rod to see how it worked. Then he asked if I did it on purpose to get a day off. FML
Today, I went into the farm where I work. Within the first 30 minutes I slipped on a fresh cow pie and broke my ankle. FML
Today, my dad's new girlfriend's daughter came over with them. She had a tantrum because my brand new computer, which I worked and saved for, was better than her notebook, which was bought for her. So what did she do? Oh, she threw it off my desk. For some reason I'm being yelled at. FML
Today, my job has a policy where you can only have two breaks if you work 7 hours or more. I've recently been assigned multiple strings of 6 hour 45 minute shifts. And no, I can't work 15 minutes of overtime so I can have the extra break. FML
Today, I only discovered that a wasp was caught in the crotch of my undies when I put them on. It didn't like being teabagged very much and in retaliation stung the nearest target, my nuts. FML
Today, my sister got fired and I got promoted to her job, got a nice payrise for it. My relationship with my sister will never be the same again. FML
Today, despite asking her to stop countless times, my stepmom still barges into my room explosively and without warning. I faint when startled. FML
Today, my dog peed on my bed because my parents were presumably having sex and I was too scared to go downstairs and take her out because of it. FML
Today, it's been almost 24 hours since my wife bent down and couldn't get back up. After laying in bed all day in agony with a bad back, an ambulance was called. She still currently can't stand in the hospital. I have two kids to look after and am supposed to be in work tomorrow. I have no idea what to do. FML
Today, my 3-year-old missed the toilet. In the time it took me to get paper towel to clean it up, my one-year-old decided it was the perfect puddle to play in. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend thinks brushing his teeth is unnecessary, because, "the world is going to end because of climate change anyway." FML
Today, my dad was folding laundry. He came across a pair of jeans and asked who they belonged to. My mom said, “Those are definitely mine. The knees are worn out.” Thanks for that mental image mom. FML
Today, my boyfriend left me after I'd been supporting him for 9 months while he "finds himself." Why? Because I wanted to go grocery shopping instead of him eating out every day with my money. FML
Today, I went to pick up my daughter from school. The secretary said that my husband had already picked her up two hours ago. I don't have a husband. He left while I was pregnant with her 6 years ago. The secretary said “no one told her” she had to check ID’s before releasing a child for early dismissal. FML
Today, my cousin's three kittens peed all over every single pair of shoes under my desk, including some expensive heels. I spent two and a half hours cleaning all eighteen pairs. FML
Today, I drove an hour to work, did nothing for 8 hours, drove an hour back, and then studied for 4 hours. This has been happening for weeks. FML
Today, I fulfilled a lifelong dream by attending a Dallas Cowboys football game. Our sitter fell through at the last minute so I took my five-year-old son instead of my wife. We had to leave after the first quarter because he threw up everywhere. FML
Today, I twisted my ankle and fractured my wrist while dancing. I audition for a performing arts school in one week. FML
Today, my girlfriend slapped me and dumped me because she thought I was gay, simply because I had to miss a date because one of my guy friends was in a car accident, and I went to see him at the hospital. FML
Today, I skipped class. I had never done it before, so I was a little nervous, but it was on my bucket list so I gave it a shot. Later, I found out that the professor cancelled class within the first five minutes. Everyone who showed was given extra credit. FML
ChasingShadows67 tells us more.
OP here -- I'm a straight A student with a 4.0 GPA. I have my tuition paid for at the college of my dreams. My parents were extremely strict, so skipping class was never an option -- unless I was practically dying, I was going. So yeah, skipping a class was on my bucket list. As you can tell, it didn't work out so well.
Today, I saw the girl I've had a crush on since forever go on another Facebook rant talking about, “All men are the same!” She does this every time she gets her heart broken by some jerk. I’ve been trying to get with her for about 6 years, and she’s yet to give me the time of day. FML
Today, I finally won an ongoing battle with my family to go to a restaurant I like, rather than a restaurant I hate with a passion. Now I'm throwing up, and my back is killing me. I'm the only one who got food poisoning. FML
Today, I woke up to find my 6-year-old daughter had duct taped me to my bed and dropped my wallet down the toilet. Well played. FML
Today, I went into the tanning room at work, where the lady in there last had decided the trash can was a toilet and pooped in it. Before she sat, she took the time to wrap the edges in paper towels, I guess in case anyone else had done this before her. I had to clean it up. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
