Today, I fulfilled a lifelong dream by attending a Dallas Cowboys football game. Our sitter fell through at the last minute so I took my five-year-old son instead of my wife. We had to leave after the first quarter because he threw up everywhere. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I watched the Dallas Cowboys game, only for it to last for four hours and end in a 40-40 tie. FML
Today, my husband destroyed our brand new TV in a fit of rage, all because the Dallas Cowboys lost. I've only made 1 out of 18 payments on it so far. FML
Today, I went to a football game. During a time out, my face appeared on the Jumbotron during the Kiss Cam segment. I was sitting next to my mother. FML
Today, my family went to a football game. It was a little cold, but then it started to rain. I wasn't dressed for rain and I'd left my umbrella in the car. My dad wouldn't let us leave our seats for the whole game. FML
Today, I went to the game with my boss and some people he does business with on his tab. I got so drunk that I blacked out, threw up all over the table, and passed out in the bathroom. I woke up alone with my body reeking of vomit, and no phone. FML
Today, I went to my son's school soccer game. Unfortunately, I couldn't get excited about it because my idiot son kept diving the moment anyone so much as breathed on him. It eventually earned him a penalty shot that won him the game. I was so ashamed, I snuck out to avoid being seen with him. FML
Today, I took my two-year-old out to dinner. During dinner, our son went to the bathroom three times. As we were getting ready to leave he kept saying he had to go potty. He had gone multiple times, so I thought he would be fine. As he stood up, a giant turd fell on the floor in front of everyone. FML
Today, I had to go pick up my kid, because he threw up while playing at his friend's house. The boy's mother bitched me out for not keeping my son at home while he was "ill". Her breath was unspeakably foul. So foul that it caused me to throw up too. FML
Today, my parents dragged me along to a family soccer game. I got so bored watching a bunch of grown men practically buttfucking each other between kicking balls around the field, that I fell asleep. I woke up a few hours later to an empty field and had to walk five miles back home. FML
Today, my 3 year-old son projectile vomited on me. I was covered head to toe in blue Gatorade vomit. FML
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Top comments
Roseicat 16
could your wife not have looked after the kid and you go on your own?
RichardPencil 32
He was probably disgusted that they let Ezekiel Elliott play instead of serving his 6-game suspension for beating up his girlfriend. Sounds like your son has a strong sense of justice, and can’t stand to be among a criminal cabal (aka, Jerry Jones’ Cowboys.)
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Comments (13)
Roseicat 16
could your wife not have looked after the kid and you go on your own?
almost_there44 26
Then it would have been a waste of a ticket. He had one for himself and one for his wife. That's why they needed a babysitter.
Inkoseh 33
Almost as if he couldn't have called a friend or even sold it for half price/gave away. Lifelong dream of going to a game and bringing a 5yo? There's hardly a chance it would have lasted the few hours sitting there, nevermind the bad luck of OPs throwing up.
RichardPencil 32
He was probably disgusted that they let Ezekiel Elliott play instead of serving his 6-game suspension for beating up his girlfriend. Sounds like your son has a strong sense of justice, and can’t stand to be among a criminal cabal (aka, Jerry Jones’ Cowboys.)
Ashley_the_Great 15
You're kid's smart. He knows what's shit and what isn't.
inappropes 31
Puking at an Nfl game is a rite of passage. He is well on his way to being a true fan.
Lobby_Bee 18
I'm sure there is a next time. It's not that hard to get football tickets.
davecross 11
That's what your get for wasting your money on the worst team in NFL history. LET GO GIANTS!!!!!! But on the plus side at least you had a father son moment
AdeenCuffing 12
I'm sorry did you just call the cowboys trash then continue to emphasise a team that went 3 and 13 this year? I hate the cowboys too but wow that was too funny.
Bitchpuddin 7
I'm so sorry. I honestly feel horrible for you.
Denizod 9
A lifelong dream? Come on.
btmurphy 7
I would like also if I had to go to a cowboys game
AdeenCuffing 12
Saw this like 3 years ago. Try again buddy.