Today, my dog peed on my bed because my parents were presumably having sex and I was too scared to go downstairs and take her out because of it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was drinking too much and I had to pee constantly, so I went to bed without my girlfriend. Hours later she woke me up wanting sex, but she realized that I'd pissed the bed. FML
Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML
Today, I couldn't sleep. I had to pee really badly but I'm terrified of the dark, so I closed my eyes all the way to the bathroom. On the way, I tripped over my dog and fell face-first into the door frame. He then humped me as my nose bled all over the floor. FML
Today, I snuck out of my bedroom to go pee very quickly, so I wouldn't wake up my new puppy who doesn't like being away from me. In the 60 seconds it took me to pee, wash my hands and walk back into the room she had pooped, peed, and left potty-paw-prints all over my bed. FML
Today, I discovered my dog pooped in my bed, under the covers, by rolling over onto it. FML
Today, my dog wanted to go upstairs, but she has stitches and was having trouble. So I carried her to the top, at which point she peed all over my carpet. FML
Today, my mom called me and said, "I made your sister laugh so hard she peed her pants." I got home and noticed she also peed on my bed. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex in the same bed my dog pooped in because we were both too polite to ask the other person why they smelt like shit. FML
Today, my dog had REALLY bad diarrhea. I found that out when I woke up to find it all over my bed. FML
Today, instead of waking up to soft sunlight creeping in the window or the gentle trill of birds, I was awakened by the sound of my dog vomiting all over my bed. FML
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Top comments
Project71 16
just take the dog out with some headphones and don't look simple. It's not great entertainment, but shit happens what you gonna do
Gwengreen 6
Kudos to your parents for still having an active sex life after all those years! Noise canceling headphones are not too expensive. Cheaper than a new comforter or mattress.
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Comments (13)
wanted_2_want 40
“Presumably”.. so did it happen or not!
Project71 16
just take the dog out with some headphones and don't look simple. It's not great entertainment, but shit happens what you gonna do
Gwengreen 6
Kudos to your parents for still having an active sex life after all those years! Noise canceling headphones are not too expensive. Cheaper than a new comforter or mattress.
RichardPencil 32
Are you sure it was pee or was he aroused by the sounds and smells of other mammals copulating?
newwitch2010 11
Seriously, this was so a you deserved it. Just don't look, fire up your iPod or Google Play music, put some headphones on and take your dog out... simple, no?
bloopaloop 27
Were they doing it on the stairs? Good for them for having a healthy relationship, and good for you. Now quit being wuss and take your dog out
FluffythePink 23
If it happens again, you take a deep breath, square your shoulders and walk out with the dog. If they are at it, act as if it's perfectly normal and compliment either: your dads backside/mums flexability or both of them for their excellent example of good married life as you go past. As you get to the door, casually throw over your shoulder that if this happens again, the pics are going on the internet.
Nebraskawreck 19
just grow up and take the dog out. sex is natural and how everyone got here. just don't look. if you want to be careful announce your coming down.