loser
Today, I woke up to find my 6-year-old daughter had duct taped me to my bed and dropped my wallet down the toilet. Well played. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
sleepy
United States
Today, as I was standing in the checkout line in a store, my six year-old daughter proudly announced to everyone that I fell asleep on the toilet last night. FML
...
San Francisco, United States
Home improvement
Today, I found my 6 year-old daughter upstairs, lying on the floor with scissors. She was giving, "the carpet a haircut." FML
Anonymous
Preston, United Kingdom
I'll make my own way
Today, my daughter is too crafty for her own good: she found out I was planning on driving her to her first date to meet a boy, so she let the air out of my car tyres, removed my bike chain, and even stole my bus pass. I taught her well. Well played daughter, well played. FML
piece of shed
United States
Today, I walked into my shed to find my daughter's boyfriend asleep and completely duct-taped to the ceiling, with his face painted like a clown. FML
rkl2010
United States
Today, when I went to pick up my daughter from preschool, I found out she'd "accidentally" tried to flush her clothes down the toilet while going to the bathroom. FML
Anonymous
Norwich, United Kingdom
Return to lender
Today, I woke up and found a trail of £5 notes in my bedroom, which led all the way downstairs and into the bathroom. I got to the last one, where I was then kicked in the balls from behind. It was my sister. She said it was the money she'd borrowed from me. I was left in my underwear writhing in pain. FML
bail?
Omaha, United States
Today, my daughter's idea of a prank was taking all of our money and getting herself arrested. FML
seethroughpee
Edmonton, Canada
Today, my 6-year-old daughter barged into the bathroom while I was peeing, inspected the toilet and said, "You're well hydrated, good job." FML
Lucille
Pants on fire
Today, while going through my daughter’s room, I found a pair of pants with the security tag still attached. My daughter is a thief. FML
emergencyroom
Parkton, United States
Today, I locked myself out and had to enter my house via the back door. Thinking I was an intruder, my 7-year-old daughter slammed a metal rake into the back of my head. Nice to know she can take care of herself. FML
Top comments
Leeono 26
Well they do say kids make you want to stay in bed all day and lose all your money but I didn’t think they meant it so literal.
blahblabbity 19
well, they say kids are money down the drain...
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Comments (13)
Leeono 26
Well they do say kids make you want to stay in bed all day and lose all your money but I didn’t think they meant it so literal.
RichardPencil 32
They also say having kids ties you down. Again, way too literally in this story.
JasonThorn 23
...Is your last name Romanova?
Zekfen 17
Wife material in training! Your wife is training her well! “If you duct tape them to the bed, you can go spend all their money at the store!” - your wife
blahblabbity 19
well, they say kids are money down the drain...
Glowworm56 27
You've got a little mob boss in the making.
RichardPencil 32
Put all your knives on high shelves!
manofmerr 27
And ductape!
lkb307 21
my only question is how do you sleep that heavy. I would love to sleep deep like that.
marisbiscuit 21
me too!!
Lobby_Bee 18
Satan, is that you?
Chazzster 32
Don’t get so drunk you pass out or get high around kids! Seriously, nobody “sleeps” so soundly the do not feel their hands being duct taped. That’s either passed out drunk or high.
Davros 12
Kid: This is what you get for not buying that Barbie at Walmart today