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By Noname - 09/11/2008 09:18 - France

Today, whilst brushing my teeth, I fell asleep, poking myself in the eye with my toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 710

You deserved it 13 864

By Anonyme - 22/12/2013 06:03 - France - Brunoy

Today, I’ve been married for seven years and am the mother of a little boy. My pregnant neighbor came to see me for name ideas for her own son that would go well with my son’s name, because “between half-brothers, it’s important”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 60

By Ina - 22/03/2009 09:52 - France

Today, a piece of candy thrown from the top of the Eiffel Tower broke one of the lenses of my glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 682

You deserved it 42

Finally

By Anonymous - 07/11/2010 00:37 - Canada

Today, I came home and saw my roommate had taken out the garbage for the first time in the three years we have lived in the same house. Unfortunately, the bag of laundry I had by the door was taken out with it as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 205

You deserved it 4 173

By burnbabyburn - 11/11/2015 17:47 - United Kingdom

Today, a student set me on fire while I was lecturing my class about proper lab safety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 382

You deserved it 2 128

Back to square one

By HomeChump - 28/09/2016 05:49 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was so proud I'd fixed the toilet with a hardware store part without even having to call a plumber. As I happily put the lid back on the tank, I dropped the lid, which broke the tank, spilling water everywhere. Now I need a new toilet, a new floor, and I have to call the plumber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 189

You deserved it 2 616

Unfair

By bm128902 - 01/10/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, I had a meeting at work. My boss was going around saying that she tries to give time off to the other managers so they can spend time with their family and significant others. She looked at me and said she doesn't for me because I have no one special to spend time with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 566

You deserved it 2 863

First time?

By Kiss-a-thon - 27/07/2016 10:01 - Germany

Today, I finally got together with this great guy I've had a crush on for a while. He told me before that he is quite inexperienced, which usually doesn't bother me at all. Turns out "inexperienced" translates to "I will include your nose and chin in our kissing" in this case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 981

You deserved it 2 224

By shamwazzlefarznarfnarfwoofbaaa - 29/03/2015 14:03 - United States - Bronx

Today, I had to teach my grandma how to burn files to CDs. I jokingly said that it doesn't involve literally burning the disks in fire, to which she responded by slapping me and calling me a patronizing brat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 995

You deserved it 14 177

By niii - 26/11/2008 04:26 - France

Spicy

Today, as I often do, I had sex in my old car. I'm 25, my boyfriend is 28 and we're still living with our parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 278

You deserved it 14 069

By yourewelcome - 05/12/2014 02:04 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I thought I was doing a nice thing when I spent hundreds of dollars to get my friend a plane ticket home. She yelled at me when I gave it to her. Turns out, she planned on spending a few more months freeloading off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 819

You deserved it 3 446

By kat - 25/12/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, I work at a debt collections center and I had to call my own father. Merry Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 557

You deserved it 2 782

By anonymous - 31/10/2014 23:28 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was a pregnant man for Halloween. Everyone at school thought it was funny, except my principal, who gave me a detention and said it was, "inappropriate and making a pregnant teacher feel uncomfortable". That pregnant teacher asked me to take a selfie with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 882

You deserved it 2 720

By leftout - 25/12/2015 05:51 - United States - Whitney

Today, I spent the holiday with my husband's big family. They suggested we take a family picture, but two people were purposely left out of it. I was one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 300

You deserved it 1 664

By Grounded - 05/09/2011 11:32 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother offered to pay for my tickets to go see my girlfriend who I haven't seen for 6 months. She was happy to pay for the £130 flight, but then refused half way through the purchase because she wasn't going to "let the buggers charge £13 extra" for using her credit card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 061

You deserved it 3 561

By Anonymous - 13/07/2012 06:47 - United States - Spring

Today, my fiancé's grandmother kept trying to introduce him to this "simply absolutely amazing girl," who she thought "would be just the perfect date" for him. At our engagement party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 706

You deserved it 2 037

By Anonymous - 24/06/2012 11:38 - Italy

Today, it was my boyfriend's grandfather's funeral and visitation. These things make me nervous, and not thinking, I made comments that included the words "killing", "dying", and "death". I'm a rubbish support system. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 954

You deserved it 7 527

By Lord Kane of Flatulon - 06/10/2015 11:13 - Australia - Warrnambool

Today, I found out my dad has been using the flip-flops I wear in the shower. The reason I wear them is to prevent myself from getting his nasty foot fungus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 920

You deserved it 1 682

By Ford - 03/01/2018 01:30

Today, a child that was born due to my donation to a sperm bank in 1995 contacted me. My current wife, who I met in 2003, is convinced I cheated on her and is filing for a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 734

You deserved it 552

By megan - 01/04/2015 17:56 - United States - Lutz

Today, it's April Fool's day. I had to take a CPR class, and everything was going well. We took a break and I went to get a drink of water and started choking. They thought I was making fun of the class, and made me leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 230

You deserved it 2 480

By BlueSteele220 - 22/03/2016 08:57 - United States - Coppell

Today, my family got mad at me for eloping and not inviting them to my wedding. Even though they admitted they wouldn't have gone anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 567

You deserved it 1 956

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 13:23 - Canada

Today, my boss asked for recommendations on how to improve the office. I sent her an e-mail full of my ideas. Later, my boss sent me a reply, saying, "Here's what head office thinks of your ideas." It contained a list of insults upper management made about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 243

You deserved it 3 763

By anonymous - 21/12/2009 19:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to give me my Christmas present early because he's going to his grandparents' house for Christmas and won't see me. I was excited, until I unwrapped a sweater that I left there a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 265

You deserved it 3 002

By svenska75 - 03/09/2014 21:30 - France - Paris

Today, I told my physiotherapist a funny story. She got so entertained that she started giggling and twisted my broken arm. The pain was worse than when it broke in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 903

You deserved it 3 833

By Noname - 15/03/2009 03:56 - United States

Today, I ran for the train that was about to leave. I tried to hold the doors open with my leg and got stuck. The conductor just yelled out how unbelievable and ridiculous I was and waited 2 minutes to finally release me. Everyone was laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 149

You deserved it 17 321

By The Doc - 07/06/2016 22:41

Today, I was on a first date at a bar, when a girl walks over and ask me if I'm a doctor. I said yes, thinking she overheard me talking about my PhD. The girl then showed me a lump on her breast and asked what to do about it. My date then slapped me and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 687

You deserved it 1 404

By GHTD - 27/01/2011 11:20 - United Kingdom

Today, at work, whilst on hold with an important client, I said to my co-workers, "Fucking hell, this woman sounds high as a kite." I heard a cough on the other end of the phone. All calls are recorded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 608

You deserved it 41 023

By MorlockWarlock - 19/02/2016 17:16 - United States - Chesterton

Today, I was let go from my dream job. My manager said he couldn't keep me busy all day, and so he didn't need me. He still has a "Help Wanted" sign up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 433

You deserved it 1 539

MorlockWarlock tells us more.

MorlockWarlock 12

Saturday 20 February 2016 16:34

Hey OP here. Thanks for all the supportive and helpful comments. To answer any questions though, I do live in Indiana which is a right to work state so I'm not going to get anywhere with that. My ex manager had just hired in to the company about 2 weeks before. I definitely got the feeling that he didn't like me much so it was probably a personal vendetta for him. It's not like I was working to fast either. I was working for a Ford dealership as a line mechanic. I was on company book time. I'm not worried about it now though. It was probably for the best. Thank again though

By James - 08/02/2016 22:55 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, the power in my village went out. This caused the back-up battery powered alarm to go off. Nobody in the house even knew our alarm worked, let alone how to make it stop. It's been going off for over an hour now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 406

You deserved it 1 787

By supapimpin - 25/09/2012 15:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife of four years revealed to me that she once had sex with six men at once back in college. Apparently she still fantasizes about it when we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 320

You deserved it 3 850

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Today, I got robbed. I just moved so I didn't have much in my new house. They did decide that my cat was valuable enough to steal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 823

You deserved it 3 172

Today, I noticed my husband was acting moody, and I asked him what was wrong. He replied that he didn't know, so trying to lighten the mood, I facetiously said, "It's 'cause you're stuck with me, isn't it?" He nodded, trundled off, and hasn't shown his face since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 625

You deserved it 4 560

Today, my boyfriend kept pressuring me to get it on. I told him I was self-conscious abut my stomach and didn't want him to see it. His response? My double chin doesn't keep him from kissing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 920

You deserved it 8 283

Today, my mom died suddenly in a car crash on holiday in Spain. My husband has been struggling not to smile like a Cheshire Cat all fucking day because 1) they hated each other and 2) mom was as rich as Croesus and I’m her only child. I want my mom back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 260

You deserved it 141

Today, I realized I'm more happier alone than I ever will with somebody else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 196

Today, I had the abortion my husband and I agreed on, after multiple forms of birth control failed. His family somehow found out, and now they're all mad at us for not telling them I was ever pregnant, with a child we never wanted, and took precautions to avoid creating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 211