Today, at work as a bank teller, an angry customer complained that the payments on his two credit cards had been messed up the previous month, with the wrong amount being credited to each account. I asked if he knew who'd helped him. He said, "Well, it wasn't you - she was younger and prettier!" FML
Today, it dawned on me that the most romantic thing my husband has done in the last three years, was a put a wedding ring on his xbox avatar. FML
Today, I had a lovely gluten-free pizza out at a local restaurant. After I'd finished, they informed me it wasn't in fact gluten-free. I am Celiac and this means I will be ill for the next six weeks. FML
Today, I was getting my picture taken with my mom and grandma for a portrait. I said it was going to be beautiful when it was done, with three generations of our family in it. My grandma said that would be true, if I weren't adopted. FML
GraceWaldorf93 tells us more.
Hi guys! OP here :) Well, after a long talk with my parents, turns out I am adopted. It certainly came as a shock to me because my grandma (yup, same one) spoils me to this day. I am 22 years old and I am the only adopted grandchild and am yet my grandma's favorite (I'm not even kidding!). I gave her her first great-grandchild and she loves him more than life itself. Granted, I would have preferred to have found out another way, but it doesn't affect me at all. Thank you for the nice comments!
Today, I had planned a pig eye dissection with my students. I didn’t think it was possible to have a student stupid enough to swallow the lens. Now I do. FML
Today, the man who hit on me in a store and asked for my number showed up on my doorstep to inquire about my couch for sale. With his wife. FML
Today, I was finally discharged from hospital after being in there for one month, I arrive home to find a letter from a debt collection agency for my unpaid car insurance premium, and another letter from my car insurer to say that they aren't covering my accident due to non payment of premium. FML
Today, I stepped away from my desk for a few minutes only to return to find the general manager installing updates on my computer. This wouldn't have been an issue had I not pulled up a website explaining in great detail the effects and causes of vaginal yeast infections. FML
Today, I was going down on my boyfriend when he stood up on the bed to get a different experience. I started to get aggressive and pushed him up against the wall. I forgot our bed was on wheels and the bed started sliding away and his body slid down the wall. So much for being sexy. FML
Today, I found out that there's something my new wife hates more than spiders. Black people. FML
Today, I confronted my very passive-aggressive roommate about taking out the trash. With a smug smile, she insisted that I should write her a letter if I want to argue. FML
Today, my 5 year-old daughter watched me getting dressed in the bathroom and asked, "Mum, when my boobs grow, will they droop like yours?" FML
Today, I walked into a door on my way in to an interview, in front of the interviewer and a group of people waiting to be interviewed. FML
Today, I went to ask my boss for a raise. Turns out they are firing 35 people. I wasn't on the list until I asked for a raise. FML
Today, neither I nor any of my coworkers understand why our boss hates me enough that I feel the need to carry pepperspray on me at all times. FML
Today, I took the train home. When seated, I suddenly noticed something wet on my seat. Without looking, I thought it was water since it was snowing outside. Guess again. It was vomit. FML
Today, I got the most action I've had in months when a stranger fondled my thigh on the subway. It was a blind man, searching for empty seats. FML
Today, I woke up after taking a sleeping pill for the first time. I started in on a number of chores, including paying bills, when I noticed a new charge on my online credit card bill from 1am. I bought $120 worth of meat from an infomercial. It's non-refundable. I'm vegetarian. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me while taking a walk through a park at night. After that, I had to escort her home as she has an eye condition, and is almost completely blind when dark. FML
ItsGoneForever tells us more.
Hello guys (and probably also girls!), this is OP. I just wanted to explain as to why it was really awkward at the time. I never had any troubles with the escort itself. I became so used to it during our relationship that I even started guiding my mom and friends out of habit. However, she dumped me completely out of the blue. She had doubts about our relationship for more than a month at the time, talked about this with her parents/sisters/friends/etc. Basically, she discussed this with almost everybody around her, except with the one concerning the doubts: me. I personally never felt any doubts, we didn't fight much (just what every healthy couple does now and then :-) ) and my feelings for her never changed. I had even taken her on a 4 day trip to Barcelona (on my expenses) not 2 weeks earlier as a birthdaygift. So when she dumped me while in that park, it felt really unfair, it came as a great shock for me and I also felt some anger towards her which is why guiding her back home was really awkward and something which I didn't really want to do at the time. On the other hand, we didn't fight over it or anything, so it was also obvious for me to stay a true gentleman of course! I had a good talk with her a couple of weeks later and I didn't have strange or sad feelings when I saw her then. Today, it is almost 3 months since the end of our relationship and I feel I am over her. I still talk to her from time to time and we are still nice to eachother (though friends is a big word!).
Today, I was told by the guy I've liked for years that he would date me if he was straight. FML
Today, I'm so tired from constantly soothing my crying 2 month-old baby that I've started trying to soothe inanimate objects with baby talk whenever they make a noise. My fridge started beeping and I began an involuntary chorus of, "It's OK darling, shhhhhh, it's alright." FML
Today, I was having sex with a guy that I just met, and when I thought he was about to orgasm, he actually had an asthma attack. FML
Today, I walked in on my Mum and Dad having sex and didn't even realize what they were doing until she shouted at him to go harder. FML
Today, I went out to eat with my aunt and uncle, I barely looked at the male waiter because I'm a shy person. Then my uncle said, "YOU SHOULD TAKE OUT MY NIECE! She's never dated in her life." I'm 19 and my matchmaker is my uncle. FML
Today, my dad was looking for a flashlight in my bedroom. He trashed the place, which I'd just cleaned. Turns out the flashlight was in his bedroom. Then I got a 10 minute lecture on how I was such a slob and I should take more care of my bedroom. FML
moonchic tells us more.
moonchic 16
Sorry for commenting so late) I completely forgot about this post and then I remembered. Anyway, thank you for all of your support, I didn't think this would get published! Yes what my father did wasn't a very smart move but I tried to convince and prove to him that he was the one that trashed my room in the first place. Eventually after an hour of dispute, he realized what he did (after me having to tell him repeatedly) and he apologized.
Today, my fiancée and I were making plans for our wedding when my soon-to-be mother-in-law chimed in with, "You know, she can still get out of this. I got the dress for her but we can save it for the next guy." I'm not sure if she's joking or not. FML
Today, several of my apartment complex neighbors walked right by me as I struggled to clean the inches thick, icy snow off of my SUV. I’m 4’11. Not one person offered to assist me, even after I slipped and fell several times. FML
Today, I was walking in rain. I had my hands in my pants pockets, so that the front of the jacket was pointing down. Halfway to Taco Bell, my crotch felt exceptionally wet. I looked down to see a wet spot. The rain on my jacket was channeled to my crotch. FML
Today, I had to quickly back out of a Skype call between me and three coworkers because my fiancée came home from work in tears. When things had calmed down, I re-entered the call to find them unaware I had returned, saying how glad they were I had left because they all secretly despise me. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for a girl he met through me. I shouldn't feel bad. Apparently, she's exactly like me, only much prettier. FML
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